Thursday, July 23, 2009
The hold of the ego (#174)
The ego is transformed from our minds into action through events which would belittle us. When I am put under stress by events, I naturally attempt to protect myself or control something or someone else. My ego is the lingering effect of my thinking that I have the answer to a problem. At times, my mind tries to tell me that I am in control or should be in order to justify that I have worthiness. The lack of confidence within myself makes it sometimes necessary to forward my thought as the only possible solution to a problem. If I fail to seize the mantel of control then it signifies, in my mind, that I am insignificant and a failure as the type of person I wish to be recognized as. My ego has gotten me into so many situations where I have had to apologize or deny fault. My problem with my ego stems from the idea that what anyone thinks about me should be controlled by me. Instead of enjoying life and it's pleasures I had tended to manipulate the outcome and felt nothing but the stress of doing that. There are still times when I catch myself allowing my ego to dictate my actions when I am under stress or pressure from other forces. It is at these times that I find other ways of looking at my life and force myself to smile and tell myself that this is just another day in my life that is complicated but eventually workable with time. The abolition of my ego isn't what I want to accomplish, however keeping my ego tightly checked in it's place is what I wish to always be aware of doing.