In the past I had always assumed and felt that there was nothing I couldn't will by my own power to happen. Since I am the soul who directs my life I believed that I could maintain a level of control despite the whirligig of time. I have since been shown the folly of my belief, assumptions and how I felt about having complete control over myself at all times. I am aware that I can control my behavior and thought to a certain extent and finding that extent has been a trial and error process. How strong is my mind? Is a question I need to continue to discover. I tell myself what I will do and find myself wanting to contradict myself often. I sense that the spatial time difference between when I decide something and then want to re decide it is fairly short in span. It is the little things in life that do this to me. I am less attentive and principled when the subject matter is seemingly inconsequential. However, I have learned that nothing is inconsequential. Everything I do has a direct consequence on the very next thing I do and so on and so on. The strengthening of my mind is a constant uphill battle for me since I have not trained myself, since an early age, to be more aware of the impacts of all my decisions. I am aware now that the choices and decisions I make must be defended by myself, unless some harm may occur. Otherwise, sticking to what I decide, and deciding with a clear and determined objective, must become the normal within my life. I hope to become a better man through this on-going process and be a better example to those who happen to notice what I am doing.
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