Monday, September 21, 2009
What is best for me (#234)
Now here is a subject that used to have 100% of my attention. If I wasn't on my mind it was a rare occasion. Today I am not on my mind much at all. I am trying to think and act in the interest of others instead. Now in a round-about way I do come into the thought indirectly, because when I do things for others I receive a sense of satisfaction that fills my essence with virtue, but not as a destination merely as a side benefit. However this is one of those moments when I am going to think of what may be best for me. I am approaching a crossroad that will demand a decision from me on a personal level that I must search my soul and my heart to find. As a strategy to make a decision, I am fighting with all I have not to do. I believe that life is it's own strategy and any strategy on my part is nothing but a waste of thought and space. I must try to comprehend what is best for me without taking away what is best for me. Well, that was an exercise in circular reasoning. However there is great sense to what I just said. I can become aware of what is truly best for me and plan a course toward it without interrupting the course that life has already given me. I have a dilemma of the heart and I know that it has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with how I have been caused to feel. Life has thrown me something special without giving me any instruction as to what to do with it. Given my ability in this area I will be lucky not to just throw it away and mourn it's loss. I know how special the gift I have been given is and I will do my best to do right by it and hope that the outcome will be what is best for me.