Saturday, October 3, 2009

I continue to change (#246)

How appropriate this subject is for me today. Nothing special to report but just how I am feeling about my life and my future this morning. I am getting ready to decide on a return home date for a break from work within the next few weeks. It is amazing to me that I am somewhat reluctant to leave the work right now when it is starting to become efficiently operated. Being a member of a team of people to bring about an accomplishment of a projected goal is a rewarding feeling. On the other side of my decision are the family and friends I have been away from for going on two months. It is starkly mindful when I have a view in my head of a particular place back home and a longing sensation fills me of many memories of it. I know that the rest I would get would be welcome. I am running on the edge of my effectiveness. How much longer I can go like this is beginning to become a concern for me. I am not in any jeopardy, health-wise, but it could become a factor later on at this pace. I have less feelings for staying and more feelings for going home on a break but the difference is not much. I suppose that the end of this job, which is in the first week of December, is soon, but probably not soon enough to warrant not taking the offered break. Besides, there are some faces I need to look at that belong to people I really care about. As I continue to notice small changes in myself, I realize that I will not be going back the same man I was when I left. How appropriate.

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