Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A play on words used commonly in the Facebook application. Nonetheless appropriate as a dynamic action. Each new day brings with it the promise and hope of new beginning. Seeing things through a view of constant change. What was yesterday is not today and will not be tomorrow. Allowing for this grace is our charge. Not only to keep what we hope to have but to hope for better and greater realities. Each new day gives us an opportunity to reclaim our vision and aspire to show, through example, inspiration to those who need that very knowledge. Being the better and best we can be and making things clear that perseverance is a gift not a chore can only build toward the happiness and contentment we all richly deserve. The secret is to work for it with relentless humility. In my heart I know what I can do to live a life with fulfillment. I need to move that from my heart to my head and start thinking like my heart is between my ears. Words are only a means of communicating, action is the truth to who I am. So, although I write this blog posting everyday and release my thoughts on page, the words are an expression of what I think. Not necessarily what I do. It is my hope that eventually I will match my words and deeds seamlessly because it is what I most hope to be able to do.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
We humans are not unique to all the rest of life as we know it. Everything has a limited time span. The human uniqueness is in our ability to move about without having to remain planted in the soil. Now other animals also have this ability and that is true. The difference between humans and the other species of movable life is that we can put action to our creative thought. That ability to create from our imaginings is what separates us from all other creatures. We also have an emotional component that allows us to have compassion for each other and other animate and inanimate things. What we all share in common however is an end to ourselves. As we must sleep to replenish our vigor, we also age toward an end which comes to all. The seasons take their toll on us and we move through a generally acknowledged predictable cycle of life. I was sitting here thinking about how I need my sleep to recharge my zest and zeal for life otherwise if I was awake all the time I would be less than objective due to the stresses that accumulate during any long stretch of being awake. Nothing in our Universe shows the physical signs of remaining in a perfect state of infinity. The chaos of atoms, elements and molecules advances the concept that nothing remains the same and all things are in a constant state of change. I accept this as the reality of this existence. Unless this existence has a dimension that can be morphed to, that allows for no change, then the status quo will remain as it currently is.
Monday, March 29, 2010
It seems that the foundational attempt with letters and numbers to try to understand the psyche of the human being is a bit misguided. I am not saying that it does not have merit, just not much merit in trying to define the philosophy of our natures. Philosophy, at it's premise contains the argument that language is the key to understanding ourselves. I submit that language is more so the tool we use to communicate our natures to each other. If I never spoke a word or relayed a number my nature would be felt and understood in other ways. Those things that matter to me, my emotion and values, are less about language and more about actions. I may be nit-picking here but the thought that language and terminologies are very important in understanding humanity does not easily persuade me. Letters and numbers are tools which have been defined and polished over many generations of usage. They are the simple measure of convenience. I have a bigger problem with numbers, specifically the base ten system that allows us to have such fine answers as fractions to infinity. However, they serve a purpose and for the time being that purpose is being satisfied. In the future our humanity will come to know greater truths and sometime in the future both letters and numbers will be relegated to the rusty bin where all other tools from past generations are stored.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
What do I mean? I mean that what I perceive as difficult or hard to do is really just so simple. I must do something anyway so why not do the right thing. It is all in my head as to whether I can or not. I want to do what is right and I should not be averted from that because somehow I think it may be hard. I am limiting the opportunities I give myself to put myself in positions that require me to do good to correct them. I am trying hard to do the right thing so that doing what is right is more natural and less painful to correct. The strength of my principles and the conviction I use to carry through on my principles leaves less chance for me to have to change for the better. Life is the truth of our existence and our actions define who we are, if for no other reason doing right, for me, is the quality of life I want to experience. I am not the only one who feels this way, it is just my turn to write about it. Many thoughts come into the mind with all kinds of possibilities for experience yet there are those thoughts that are greater than others. It is incumbent upon me to discern and actuate these thoughts that deserve connection to my fate and to be represented as coming from me. I must stand for the right within me and not give up standing for the right. It is who I am in my best scenario of reality. If I am to change reality around me it will be to the better of myself and to those whom share existence with me.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Here is a subject that is difficult to face. For the most part being honest with myself is easy and comfortable. It is the lesser part of myself that being honest about is so difficult. I still have some habits and thoughts that need to be exposed and shown the light of day. It is in putting my faults on display that has the most effective chance of changing my lesser habits and thoughts into good habits and thoughts. I won't describe my inadequacies here but I will admit to having inadequacies. Admitting that I have inadequacies and defining them to myself is quite an achievement. It requires me being honest with myself. I wish to change myself into an example of what humanity could be like at it's best and holding onto less than good habits through thought and action negate me being able to do so. Knowing that I can choose to be what I am without being constricted leads me to want to know how to do this. All I have to do is to recognize my thoughts and actions when they occur and objectively accepting whether they need to be changed. I have the time and effort necessary to remodel myself from the incomplete person I am, through a process of applying my life to principles that share all the right and good elements of humanity. I just need to be honest with myself and make the time to change.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Probably the greatest obstacle to my own improvement as a human being is what my past tries to keep reminding me. It is curious that I am the one who throws obstacles up in front of me. I am my worst enemy. Somehow I think naturally that I don't deserve what could be best for me. It is also curious that my mind tells me I am worse than I really am. What is going on here? The duality that exists, at times, within me is troubling. It is all part of having a conscious and wanting to be better than what I am currently showing. It is purposeful knowing that this dynamic of good and bad exists within me for the sake of allowing me to make choices based upon my desires. It is also a tremendous responsibility on my part to live up to the reasonable expectations I have for myself. I was born with this ability to degrade and also uplift how I want to see myself. I find it is easier to just try to be good and live the truth and in that I am reflecting out to others my true hopes. I am a complex unit with many possibilities within me. It is the discerning of the possibilities and actuating them that is my charge. If I am to be in charge of myself then the self I wish to live as must be the self I am representing. What my past has reminded me of is that I had to learn lessons and grow from them and not repeat the ones that are not who I want to be. I just need to let go and embrace the present and future through the lessons I have learned from the past.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
We are building the future with what we do in our lives. Never before has the fate of the future been laid at the feet of any generation of souls like it is today. Wars, notwithstanding. The direction our natures take us at this time will be felt into the future like a long ago decision to take a fork in the road. It will be who we are and where we are going. The historical path we choose is up to us. I am constantly reminding myself and, through this blog, others that the best of our natures is what we need to display wherever we can in order to be who we are. To me, it is a choice, not an instinct we are unable to control. The quality of the future is at stake and the determined effort of all of us is what will achieve the best result for the next generations to build upon. I know that my nature is to persevere, it is that part of our survival instinct that I find so difficult to categorize. I use my survival instinct within me as a catalyst to vault my efforts continuously in proclaiming that compassion and curiosity are our true nature and any deviation from them is the lesser responses that are most commonly displayed in our personality, character and history. It is time to elevate from the chaos of weakness and rise to our strength. Only through compassion and curiosity will we, as a society of humans, ever attain the type of future we all hope for our children.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It is so easy to allow myself to think negatively when I am only concerned with myself. When my thoughts are about me I am very close to triggering a response I am usually embarrassed or ashamed of. I am the center of my being and to think only of me is the epitome of selfishness. I choose rather to think of others and let my thoughts go to a positive place where I can be helpful to others. When I do this I find that my thoughts of myself become less and any trouble I may be having seems so much less significant. My agenda in living a good life is founded on the concept of giving. Whether it is material or with action, I am a better person when others are my main concern. I have few options in how I can help but many possibilities to help once I commit to helping. It is strange to me to help others as a rule instead of as an occasional occurrence. However it is also new and needs time to become more familiar so that the strangeness will dissipate and it will seem more normal to help others instead of it being the occasional exception. I am very fortunate to have morphed into the type of person I truly hope to become. I am not there yet and maybe never will be but I am heading in that direction now and I am very satisfied that I am. Life is now positive for me and I don't always assume the negative like before. I am truly fortunate to have discovered this.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I do not wonder about how I will live my life much anymore since I have committed to being the best of what I can be. that means that selfishness is no longer the goal of my life but selflessness is. I am not going to sacrifice who I am for the sake of some allure. I will sacrifice myself only for the better of higher principle when I am given the choice. I am no longer tilting at windmills in order to show that I have some great ideals within me. How others see me is important only in the way that I live up to great principle. I will not allow myself to be used in any way that furthers an agenda based upon deception or disguise. Personally, I have allowed such superficial considerations in the past to my shame. I cannot go back and change what has happened and I will not deny the existence of such happenings. I will not however be party to the past, in association of doing less than what is desired by the proper responses and actions. My world is changed forever in light of how I see what must be done instead of what I would do for me. This change in me is due to the inner awareness and awakening I have experienced through interactions with other good souls about what I have done in different situations. It is as if a mirror had been put up to my actions and I did not like what I saw. My perspective came to life in a dimensional way that is forever my fortune to have experienced.
Monday, March 22, 2010
My blog is based upon the fundamental belief that the inherent nature within us is comprised of two individual components, compassion and curiosity. Although I do allow for a third, less complicated component simply because I cannot easily place it in either the compassion or curiosity category, that being our survival instinct. Mainly though, I focus on the the two main components of our essences. Just to allay any doubts to my belief, I will let you know that all other natures we exhibit that are not included within the compassion/curiosity set, were developed as secondary natures due to the lack of compassion and curiosity. When we are in our proper natures we have no trouble that cannot be overcome through the principles of our natures. Regardless of the circumstance there is always a way to alleviate any difficulty. Now does it require both the easy and the hard that existence has afforded us? Yes. But in keeping with our natural natures, life is doable with little discomfort to actual living. We are our best resources for learning and advancing thought. We are the best at caring for and sacrificing ourselves to bring relief to others whom may need help. We have energy and desires that need to be understood and given outlets toward personal growth. There is no challenge we face that is easier to defeat than when we all face it together with regard to the best for all of us as a group and as individuals.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Boil it all down to the most important priorities. What really does matter? Our health, families, friends, our environment. These must be the greatest tangible resources within our lives. There are other more precise resources but generally speaking us and our planet are the most important. This is the baseline for all considerations. Whether philosophical, theoretical or financial the question, it all must include our ability to satisfy humanity and our planet when decisions are considered concerning their fate. If every question were responded to in a process that included the fate of our neighbors and our environment, we would more than likely solve all or most all of our recurring problems. The notion of everyone trying to gain at others' expense must stop. We should allow for individualism and it's actions displayed through achievement but we must also safeguard our societies from the numbing thrill of greed. When we as individuals experience good fortune it must be with an eye toward the concept of a positive reciprocity. Usually someone's good fortune is someone else's bad fortune. These types of exchanges are daily occurrences in our lives but they do nothing to advance social behaviour because they only maintain the current status-quo. Life is more important than marching in place. We need to advance as a society and banking our futures on principles that don't elevate humanity to greater heights is less than what I want to be associated with.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I am appreciating the silence more today than ever before. It is somewhat like the effort I make to listen instead of making noise. There truly is never silence but the fact that I am listening for it is significant. I have made the transition from wanting to be in the whirligig of life to wanting to be in the quiet of life. Being silent and letting the Universe come to me is far more satisfying than chasing the Universe to be a part of it. I don't need the attention I used to crave so that I could feel like my life was validated. I am validated simply by being. I also am not here in the thought that I am immortal. I know that I am not and have come to terms with whatever awaits me after this existence. I am content. Silence is now with me as it should always have been. I cherish what it represents. It allows me to listen to others without the desire to hear my own thoughts mixed in with what I am hearing. It also displays my respect for those who wish to have me hear their thoughts as well. I know very little of answers to intelligent questions so I am also able to show that as well. This does not appear to make me look worthy of conversation and also that I am useless for information. I agree. But when I do have some little tidbit to add it is genuine and purposeful to an answer. I do not appear as anything I am not. It is so satisfying living to hear and only answering where I know something to add. I wished to be a wise man when I was young and I think I am beginning to become one with the knowledge that I know very little and letting others talk instead of myself.
Friday, March 19, 2010
I am talking about heart. The will to be a good person and the actions that exemplify that. I have acquiesced to my nature and have allowed the strength of my character to display who I am. It has been a lifelong struggle for me in whether to let the force within me define who I am. It has always been a disadvantage for me to be kind and caring when those around me expected something else. I was afraid to share that part of me so that I could show a persona more in tune with the characters I wanted to be around. It is amusing now that I was so superficial but at the time it was very serious and worthy of battle to prove I wasn't weak. By showing emotion or allowing myself to feel I would believe I was weak. Nonsense. It was just misunderstanding what was truly important in life, nothing else. I would chastise myself for being easily manipulated but that also would not be fair. I was a child who would not trust those who really loved me because I thought they were manipulating me. It is no wonder that I was turned around about a few important things. I have moved passed all these things for the most part and I am allowing my true character to exhibit itself now in my life. I don't worry what others think about how I do what I do, I just trust the high principles of human nature to be correct and others' opinions of my actions to be their opinions. I am in me and I am happy who I am.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
It is what I call it but it does also include death. To go from one form to another is unknown. It happens all around us but we do not understand it's purpose. We understand the physics involved but little else. Many theories and beliefs have sprung from the event of living then dying. What is fact is still an unknown. The reality of being in existence in a living being is the most wonderful concept when the being is allowed to flourish and enjoy. Because of the environmental and physical characteristics we are limited by, the eventual timing of death breaks the cycle of life and a new experience either occurs or doesn't for the being who has moved beyond life in this existence. Only in this existence are we to sense with our physical abilities the actual experience of life. It is curious to me that we have life in such a limited form and cannot determine infinity through life as it is on Earth. I often feel like I am in a shell or box that is not open but is closed to any attempt to know what form other than nothing takes place after life. I will suffer to be consoled that we as a humanity are not evolved enough yet to see all that the Universe hides from us at present and that if humanity survives the obstacles of life and death to continue then maybe in time we will know enough to comprehend what the cycle of life really signifies.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It may seem odd that a man of my age, going on 55 in a few months, would still be trying to find his way in this world. However odd though it is accurate. When I say this world, I am also accurate. I was born on this planet, not just this part of it. I want to be a member of the Earth, where all life forms have a sense of belonging. It is true for me that most of my life so far has been to try to be accepted where I am and not so much more beyond that. It is also true that most of my life has been a struggle to fit in wherever I have been. As I look at life and my surroundings now though, I see that being accepted and fitting in are just manifestations of another issue. The issue being not having a purpose for my life. It may also be called by another name such as low self-esteem. However the issue, in general, it is that I did not understand the purpose for my life. It has come to me over time that I have a purpose and all I had to do to find it was to look into myself and learn who and what I am. I have found that I am a man who cares and wonders about all things. It is not surprising then that this has been the theme of my daily blog since it's conception. It is neither surprising that my soul is well-satisfied when I let my nature out and let life happen around who I am. I don't need validation for being alive, I don't need reaffirmation that I have a purpose worthy of life. I am the reason I am alive when I am who I am. A bit circular, but nonetheless correct. I am still finding my way but I am on the track toward my way and life is much better in my senses because of it.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
All of my life I have been the same when it comes to emotion and my sensitivity to it. I have tried to mask how I am able to feel things that happen in life that touch me. It is not always considered manly to express feelings as a general rule. Well, general rule be damned! It does take courage to be true to one's own nature and courage is far better than cowardice, regardless of the appearance. Our American culture has brought about so much deception concerning the expression of emotion that I think we do ourselves a disservice and our children a disservice by not recognizing our true natures concerning our feelings. It is far more important to sacrifice one's own sense of vanity in order to maintain or advance the reality of how we feel. Life is difficult enough without confusing issues which seem to be one thing but are acted out in a different way. Principles of honor would dictate that honesty and truth would outweigh a strategy of denial. If our civilization is going to continue to advance it must do so at the cost of superficiality in the area of how we express honest emotion. The health and welfare of our citizens will only improve through the proper displays of strength and courage based upon the truth of the circumstance not some archaic expectation that does not display the integrity of the emotional expression required to be shown at it's appointed time. We cannot change the outcomes of things by denying their implications.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Life is like a tale of two sides of the same story. It really is all about perspective. I was reminded of that today a couple of times. On a personal note I am in a self-help group that gives us participants an opportunity to express our feelings on some important subjects. While I voluntarily choose to be a part of this group I am also aware everyone else does as well. So respecting each other's opinions and experiences allows us to come into interaction with each other without any expectations. It is wonderful to feel at peace and to open up to others in the same way as they open up to me. I have been accustomed to searching and defining the world through my own eyes and that is how I have allowed myself to see the world. The difference now though is that I allow myself to see the world through other's eyes as well and it gives me the perspective of knowing that we all generally share the same types of experiences. We all have the same hopes and dreams about what our futures could be and the relationships within them. I know that I am not alone and that in itself makes me feel welcome in this world. My relationships matter to me and I look forward to having many new relationships as well.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I am a person who cannot help but be optimistic and look for the best in all things. It is a quality I am fortunate to have within me. Regardless of the times that come out to my worst fears. I just start again with a new hope because somehow I believe in the power of goodness to give us the kind of life we should all be happy to live. I am always tired of hearing how we as a human race seem to blame our bad behaviour on our natural instincts. This I believe to be a fallacy. Our natural instincts are to be kind and curious. I say this because when we are kind and curious our true selves seem to be the most obvious to each other. In the dawn of time when humanity was forced to be savage to survive is no direct evidence that we were naturally of no conscious sentiment. Our need to survive is only an action based upon our curious nature. The goodness felt when kindness is practiced makes living, such a wonderful experience, even to the point of surviving at all costs. The beauty of humanity to adapt when circumstances necessitate it is one way we ultimately will continue to enjoy life. Another way is through logic and reason. If we spend the time looking to the better and best of who we are change can happen in great steps instead of smaller steps forced on us through environmental and social disruptions. I find that what I hope is always more than what I thought to hope for and will continue until the day I am no longer in existence.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Lately my blog postings are have the feel to me of a diary or journal entry. More personal and less general. I seem to be at a crossroads in why I am delivering my daily insights into compassion and curiosity. I have written over 400 of these daily blogs in a row and possibly I am getting a sense of fatigue. My mind is renewed daily but there is only so much information I can write about without at times becoming redundant. I am also changing daily in my experiences and knowledge base however, my internal principles and insights are not changing but are more static than anything else. The renewing of old thoughts is never a bad thing but not as interesting unless I can juxtapose known principles to new experiences. I have just finished a long time away from home and have many new experiences but my mind is more in tune with what I had left behind. It is curious about me that my life is about to change dramatically but I am still drawn to the familiar and comfortable. I also know that my life has yet to be defined in a way that I am hoping and that I must remain open to new possibilities and options. It is a delicate dance I am in at this moment of my life and possibly I am just too tired still from my journey and the vigor I don't feel right now will soon again descend upon me.
Friday, March 12, 2010
This post will be short and concise. I only want to say how happy I am to be going home after 7 months on the road to the day. There were many beautiful sights and great people that I got to meet and I would not trade a moment of this adventure for anything. But the time is at hand for me to be back into the home I know and the friends and family I have not seen in too long. If I were a younger man I would continue to travel and bask in the wonder we call America. I am within 500 miles near about of being at my front door and my two little animals who have been my loving pets. I am anticipating another change in my life and look forward to it's fruition should that be my fate. It will be at home where I will rest and recharge to maybe again travel for work and make a success of my and our companies' ventures. So long for now as I need to continue traveling home lest I get caught in some storm that may be lurking because I have been lackadaisical in getting home.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
It is not up to us to control or expect how others should respect us. We must respect ourselves and continue to do what we do in order to maintain our own personal principles for living. I have learned from an early age that my thinking is not others' thinking. I am only me and that is what I can do best, think for me. I know that sometimes it seems that others don't think for themselves but this is just an illusion. Even if others don't have their own opinion they have chosen to think not for them-self but to let someone or a group think for them. That is a choice, a conscious thought to abrogate their opinion to someone or something else. I do not recommend doing this since it takes from the giver and gives to the taker an individual privilege reserved to each of us as a fought and died for liberty. The concept of how and what life should be is founded in the notion that as an individual, we have a right to be alive. What we do with this right is often less than the greatest we can do. Life is so short and making a mark or difference in life seems so noble and expected from each who has the power of decision making. Giving decision making over to others seems so less like living with liberty and more like living without it.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The lines between proper emotional display are not as simple to define as one would think. Often in this time of unsettling problems. emotions are kept in check for fear of one's individual security. A problem with not expressing one's true feelings at the moment of it's occurrence is that it is bottled up inside and often isn't given a release in some other form. What can happen then is it is transferred to another outlet, such as a time when it is expressed along with some other appropriate display. This will most likely enhance the appropriate response and make the adjusted response inappropriate in it's degree of expression. Often I have wondered why some little disruption of event has caused a completely out of control response by myself and/or others. It seems to me that the pent-up emotion within me has finally found it's release and the result dose not conform with the circumstance. How to measure and diagnose my own individual emotional response to any given circumstance is an on-going process for me. I realize that giving myself another outlet to analyze and release frustration in it's many forms is a vital aspect in the process of me becoming the better man I wish to become. Until I have designed a process for myself to regulate my emotional responses that have no immediate outlet, I must remember that each circumstance must have it's own appropriate response.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The arts, like the sciences are an imperative for reaching beyond our surroundings to find new places and ideas. The old left side right side of the brain analogy. One is lost without the other. I have a sense that my pea-pickin brain is so minuscule in knowing that to even contemplate that I know what or how some thing is or will be is just darn foolishness. I can calculate to some degree but the logic necessary to know a thing is really beyond me. I am an observer in existence, nothing more. I do however like to push the small limits of my imagination to the farthest possibilities within my ability. It is a pleasure to imagine how or what or why or who or when etc.... It is just amazing to me that I have such a gift of life and that I don't take myself so seriously as to lose the perspective of how happy I am to be in existence. I am a gift to life and how I present myself to life is my gratitude for this gift. I have so much I want to do and I have so much I need to learn. I must start by trusting fate and nature to give me what I need. I am not the architect of my life only the observer. I get to live within this body, on this planet with so many like-minded souls. My destiny has yet to be determined but I know I will play only the role of fulfilling it, not creating it.
Monday, March 8, 2010
It is our time! Right now. I am so happy about the life I am living today. There is no pretension in my manner or hopes. I am alive and feel it with all of me. The troubles of this world continue and I am always concerned with how to alleviate it, but my mind and my soul are in accord with how I am being an example of how to live and feel alive. I am only me and that is well and good. There is more for me to do to be the best me I can be and I am enjoying the ride of my life. I used to say in a meeting I go to that "I am just the passenger in the Car...l" lol. It is true although somewhat a funny saying. I am just the passenger and I am being the best passenger I can be. You may wonder how I am being the best passenger I can be and I will tell you. I live through my heart, not my ego. I have an opportunity to express my appreciation and compassion at every moment. I don't assume or anticipate with expectation. I am just a free spirit enjoying all the other free spirits around me. The cynic will always look at things with a glass half-empty approach, I choose to look at things with a glass all full approach. I am not in denial or out of touch with reality, I just want what is best and seeing what could be best is how I will live. Disappointment is the result of expectation and expectation is not living for the best. See how easy all of this can be. Enjoy this existence with the best of principles and you will be doing your part as well.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
It really does depend on who you ask. I have heard stories my whole life about how two people were perfectly matched but the stories don't line up with the reality. Maybe it is because soulmate gets confused with storybook true love. Let's understand what a soulmate is: The other half of one, where a deep attraction to be with is present. Where a sense of loss or confusion is exhibited when the other is not there. I am just generalizing but the concept has some meaning that is similar to all of us. Because I do believe there is someone out there for all of us because of social and individual characteristics I have to believe in the concept of a soulmate. We all have emotion within us. Through our senses we come to form a model of the type of soulmate we are seeking. The varieties of attractions we seek are hopefully, mostly found in a single person. It is this person whom most conforms to our attractions, that is the prime target for our search to find our soulmate. It is difficult to imagine finding a person who has the same attractions for you that you have for that person. The odds must be great in favor of never meeting. However, odds are just odds and determination and perseverance can reduce the odds. What is most important in life, finding a soulmate or something else. I know where my importance lies.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I continue to learn very valuable lessons about life. I am usually confident that I know how simple things in my life are going to turn out then Wham! I am suddenly lost about how simple things in my life are going to turn out. It is absolutely hilarious at times. I am learning to expect the unexpected as readily as I used to expect the expected. I am beginning to understand that so many other factors are involved in my simple life. I am now starting to sit back and just wait on the conclusions whether I see them as foregone or not. It is amusing to me in the sense that I have no control over outcomes and the timing of those outcomes. Just when I begin to think I know I am usually reminded that my mind is incapable of creating anything other than chaos, lol. It is beginning to dawn on me also that waiting to see the result is much more interesting than me trying to create the result. Certainly I try to make the good in my life reveal itself but whatever shape or form that is viewed by others is not my goal. I must be who I am and live with that. I cannot change the fact of me and all that is continuing to mean. What is changing within me is my understanding that I am just a piece of the puzzle created by the unknown as yet to be defined. I am well satisfied with that and someday hope to know what that undefined unknown truly is.
Friday, March 5, 2010
I am often reminded of the best part of me and it is my curiosity. Curiosity is the one attribute about myself and others that brings to light the difference between us and most all other life forms. I am most in tune with my life when I am trying to discover something about our world or our life here on Earth and beyond. Especially beyond. The old Biblical saying from King Solomon about there being nothing new under the sun, makes me wonder what may be new beyond under our Sun. I know I take the literal translation and subtract from that but not to be under our own Sun would be new for the first time in at least one way. I am an explorer who has no new ground to explore on Earth. It has been done. What I would like to explore is the Universe and it's mysteries. I know that with the Capitalist notion that all things are best when sold on the open market becomes a hindrance to my hopes for information and knowledge sharing to achieve common purposes within a reasonable amount of time. Like within a normal lifetime. I am not advancing an agenda about Capitalism, I am just pointing out the lack of cohesiveness intelligence has when it has to be bought and only by those with Capital, excepting those who have the dreams where Capital cannot be had. I wish I was the smartest man on Earth and could afford all my visions without being afraid to share it with everyone.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
It isn't just getting to know myself, it is also getting myself to be who I am. What I mean is I am still reactionary and catch myself in behaviour that I had hoped to put behind me. It is a matter of control. Just because I know what I want to be is no indication that I will be what I want to be. It is a matter of molding my reactions to the behaviour I wish to reflect back out. This is all new to me. Gauging how I react by the ideals I wish to exemplify. I have always been more of a natural reactionary individual with little regard to the outcome of all my circumstances. It is impossible for me to continue being reactionary without some semblance of prior thought. I am continually finding myself on the edge of some incorrect behaviour and I don't like the sense of it. There has to be a better way for me to express myself without it being a danger to the person I wish to become. I am fighting the battle of process as it relates to thought and action. The battle may never be over in my lifetime but the attempt to continue to find a better way of being a reactionary human being is my quest and a quest of importance since it is what is troubling me the most in my current life.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Wherever I need to go. I am of the mindset that what I need to do is more important than what I want to do. On the surface this sounds very noble, and it is, however I am constantly in battle with it's application. I am a selfish person who has built his life on being all about me. I have begun the process of changing that and I am still working out the process. It is easy to be self-righteous when others need correcting but far more complicated when it affects me personally. Each and everyday I have some opportunity to progress on my new behaviour and I do with fits and struggles internally. Time to think and rationalize my circumstances usually allows me to make the right decision I am looking for, despite my old selfish nature. Life is slowly coming to me as a way I wish to live and the continuing of my search for the needs I have to fulfill instead of the wants I wish to absorb is allowing that reality to come to fruition. I am not a perfect soul or human being in my thoughts or actions, but I am persistently trying to be. I know the difference between attaining a perfect result and trying to attain a perfect result. However, both scenarios are not of my doing but something I get to be a part of with the rest of the swirl of the Universe.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I do stand straight and tall on the ground of my planet. I have a never-ending sense of desire to be a part of this world in the best way I can. It is different for me now than it was previously, in the way I look at how to live my life. I had no such idea that time would move this fast. Time has not physically moved fast but the time I have already spent on this planet seems to have moved very fast for me. I am not the person I was 5 years ago. I have become someone who is more in tune with the reality of the day to day living that exists, whereas I had not been so aware in my past. My behaviour and habits have changed as well, for the better I will add. Mortality is a key to why I am a different person today than before. I recognize the effects of living that, over time, have become readily apparent. If I am going to be the person I want to be, there must not be anymore procrastination on my part. To stand straight and tall on this planet I must surround myself with the good principles of humanity. I must incorporate them into my moment by moment thoughts and actions. I wish I had had this revelation years before and been further along in my quest, but that has not been the case. I am happy though that I have finally come to this realization and that I am doing something about it now.
Monday, March 1, 2010
One day I just woke up and had a new outlook on things in general. Sleep is a highly underrated form of mental refreshment. Talking through things is very important in figuring things out but the newness of waking has a clarity to it that is seldom achieved in wakeful hours. Most of the time when I have a problem it seems much more difficult before I sleep and much less difficult after I awake from sleep. It is interesting as a test subject that my mind has a way of advancing thought when it is well rested. I know that this is not a new phenomena but for me it is a revelation as a strategy for problem solving. Anyway, the point being that when I am able to turn from a position of confusion to a position of knowing, I have accomplished another step into the direction I am heading. We have all heard that life is a journey and the journey is what we make of it. My destination is significant but not the purpose for living. A greater picture is still being developed that will eventually define my life. It is when the definition of my life is known that the way I got there will be what I see as me.