Friday, March 26, 2010
Our past is past (#420)
Probably the greatest obstacle to my own improvement as a human being is what my past tries to keep reminding me. It is curious that I am the one who throws obstacles up in front of me. I am my worst enemy. Somehow I think naturally that I don't deserve what could be best for me. It is also curious that my mind tells me I am worse than I really am. What is going on here? The duality that exists, at times, within me is troubling. It is all part of having a conscious and wanting to be better than what I am currently showing. It is purposeful knowing that this dynamic of good and bad exists within me for the sake of allowing me to make choices based upon my desires. It is also a tremendous responsibility on my part to live up to the reasonable expectations I have for myself. I was born with this ability to degrade and also uplift how I want to see myself. I find it is easier to just try to be good and live the truth and in that I am reflecting out to others my true hopes. I am a complex unit with many possibilities within me. It is the discerning of the possibilities and actuating them that is my charge. If I am to be in charge of myself then the self I wish to live as must be the self I am representing. What my past has reminded me of is that I had to learn lessons and grow from them and not repeat the ones that are not who I want to be. I just need to let go and embrace the present and future through the lessons I have learned from the past.