Friday, December 31, 2010

An evaluation of time (#700)

I was talking to my brother yesterday. He was in the hospital to have his gall bladder, surgically removed. My brother John came through okay and we talked about how the pain was and laughed at different types of pain we have experienced that would compare with it. This was a good conversation with my older brother. I lost my oldest brother Jim to a heart attack 6 years ago and I still wish I could talk to him. This highlights for me the finiteness of time. It really just seems like yesterday that we were all kids playing together. I have not lost any time but it seems that time has escaped from me. I am well into middle age now and I recognize the value of every moment whereas when I was younger I had the mindset that time was not something worthy of my consideration. I suppose I am no different than anyone else who wakes up into a new day and keeps on living their life. It is just that there are moments now that permit me to pause and consider the time I have spent and the perspective I get about how much time I could have left. When I was younger my biggest fear was not being able to live out a full natural life span. It is also true that I threw myself carelessly into dangerous situations that could have easily ended my life. The paradox of what was going on inside my head, lol. Being at each end of the spectrum of my thoughts and actions during my life I have come to know this, there are no deserves in life. There is only this present moment, my memories of the past and my hopes for the future. As I keep moving forward through life, accumulating time, I am fortunate to know that time is finite and what I do with it is my legacy. It is the measure, not just in the length of my life, but in the abundance of virtuous manner as to how I live my life within the limited scope that is allowed for me.

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