Saturday, February 5, 2011

My own frailty (#736)

I know that I am susceptible to being irrational and speaking in anger with an attacking curse-laden repertoire. Yes, it is true, I can speak the vulgar language with the best of them. It is part of my upbringing and the culture to which I became exposed. Certainly, I have the ability to control myself like all of us do and when I choose to display my inner rage in conversation I am responsible for the content. I have mostly steered clear of using street and gutter language out of respect for children and respectable civil conversations. It do find however that my language "spices" up a bit when I am confronted in language with illogic as a strategy. In other words when someone chooses to "bait" the conversation with non-sequitur rationales to confuse and create chaos in order to obfuscate logical premises and conclusion. I find my tolerance level decreases when I am "being played". I do try to objectively engage in discussions as a means for learning and sharing ideas. It is my goal to treat everyone with distinction and respect. At times I am not afforded that luxury. I am still a work in progress and attaining a higher level of controlling my emotions and not allowing the triggers I know so well to have their way is a continuing struggle. At least I am aware of my frailties and I have a re-energized impetus to do better. It seems that even though I think I am being a bore with my language I often get praise for my stalwart determined stance, despite the emotive descriptors. lol. I can do better and I expect better from myself. We are all so very complicated and this is just another example of that fact.

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