Where is my core? It is within me in a sense of location but in the sense of giving my core a name, I would call it my innocence. The first way I looked at life from my brand new fresh eyes. Everything about me that I think or was taught to understand came from the beginning of my innocence. Of course when I was born I had no knowledge at all. I was as purely innocent as I could be before my life began to be clouded with information, misinformation and confusion. That is the turning point for all of us humans as we begin our lives. We are given the best at times and not the best the rest of the time. It clouds our judgements and turns and twists us in ways that affect our lives irrevocably. I have been fortunate to have come to a place where my life had a chance to re-evaluate itself and the time to do it. I have been re-examining my motives and categorically jettisoning those non-principled thoughts and actions from my life and replacing them with ideals that make me proud to put to action and defend. I have to go back to my innocence to make this happen and start my thinking about what is right and honorable all over again. A "do-over" or "mulligan". It is as if the first part of my life I lived to learn and the second part of my life I am now applying what I learned. I cannot take back or do anything about the former but the latter I can, and I do, to the point of admitting my deficiencies, regardless of their genesis. I am content with myself to do the best I can now in the present, while still acknowledging the past and being hopeful for the future. It all comes down to me starting over in the one place where my innocence resides, at my core.
No comments:
Post a Comment