Monday, March 28, 2011

A trifling thing (#787)

How little significance I give to you and what you think as opposed to you and what I think! I am beside myself at times with incredulity when I think I know better for you. It is one of my undesirable character traits that I am in constant disarray with. As much as I know that I am wrong every time I do it, I still find myself doing it! My ego is in need of constant deflation. I also wonder how my ego grows on it's own without me giving it thought to do so? Apparently it is a leftover from a previous behaviour that I have not corrected, or put into place an alternative reaction. See how much fun it is to change through growth? lol. It is important however, and I must focus on it before moving on to anything else. How do I do that? I tell myself that humility is for those who actually know things and if I am not experiencing humility I do not know whatever it is that I automatically engage my mouth, ergo, ego towards. I must also remember that most of the things I have learned in the past are unique to my past and cannot be generically transferred to any similar situation of today. My ability to listen is directly proportional to my ability to talk. This, of course, is not new and all of us do this. What I need to do is to try to listen without preconceiving or constructing an answer before or during the act of listening. Not easy for me to do but I do believe that trying harder will eventually give me some success. I do mean well, but often meaning well and a positive outcome rarely coincide. I called the title of this piece a trifling thing only because it may seem trifling to those looking in on me, but know this, it is far from a trifling experience for me and those whom must endure my actions. Struggle is the context of my existence and this is one of many I am still waging against.

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