Yes, I am human and actually live a somewhat personal life. Today I have an unease within me that comes from my emotions. I am fighting a feeling that is overwhelming. I have safeguards though that I go to that help ease and eliminate most of the feeling. I ask myself what part do I actually have in what I am feeling? Did I place an expectation upon myself that is beyond anything I can control? The answer to both questions is yes. I know it, and in recognizing that I placed an expectation upon myself, I created my part in the unease I feel. I want what I think is to be, to be. Interesting that this kind of childish behaviour on my part is still with me after all these years. I know that time and actions outside of me are not my part to manipulate. I know this yet still allow my feelings to get hurt when time and place occur that is outside what I expect. I am just an ordinary soul, no different than any other ordinary soul and as such should not have great expectations that cannot come true by my will alone. I will always have my hope but that hope is not an expectation, it is a wish I hope to see come about. There cannot be any expectations attached to hope unless I plan on experiencing more unease in the reality that happens around me. Having said that aloud, or at least in print, I have managed to qualm the anxiety of a perceived, dashed expectation with a calmness that brings reality back to me where before assumptions and negative thoughts abounded. I can manage myself when I recognize feelings and the behaviour that follows. I always have a part in how I experience life and expectations are my biggest foe. If somehow I can just enjoy the ride of life without thinking or justifying some deserve I am due, my life would probably be what it has been meant to be all along. I am always still learning to be a better man.
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