Saturday, May 14, 2011

My best friend my worst enemy (#834)

My mind. Yes that thing between my ears is my best friend and worst enemy. It allows me to see and feel freedom from many things but it also keeps me in bondage in many other things. If only I could reach that harmonic plane where all things are equally experienced with a confident nature of wisdom. Not with me, although I am hoping I can attain such an enlightened rationalization. In the meantime I am left with advancing my character and personality toward that which is most desirable, a virtuous life. Not saintly, but respectably honorable. There are within me certain ideals that conflict with existing emotional expressions within me that have me spinning in the wind. When an ideal butts against another ideal what should the outcome be? Still working on that. lol. This much I do know, I can sense the conflict and understand it's foundations, but the actual processing of the two that are in conflict is my present dilemma. Deep down within me I know where more truth exists over less truth and ultimately that will determine the outcome of my conflict. My own ego is another factor. It is true that despite the humility I have come to know I still have within me a rebellious character flaw that wishes never to be extinguished. If I truly believe that I am not the source of any expectation on my part, then I must first eliminate the ego that is trysting me up in knots and then let the rest of my turmoil expose itself to the light of day. See, I know what I have to do but am I ready to face the solution that is patiently waiting for me to employ? My hesitancy to this point would be a resounding no. But face it I must, then move on to what is greater than conflict and unsettledness toward new beginning with a clean slate. Even if one hope is replaced by another, yes, even then.

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