Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I don't know why (#908)

It is hard not to be able to know why. I have to just go with what I do know and let my better or best internal principles guide me. I am sure I am not the only one who feels less than adequate for not being able to know why a thing or circumstance is the way it is. So my personal frustration and eventual acceptance is not unique. I accept as well that I am not the only one who has a sense of incompleteness either. A thing I know about myself is that I like mysteries but even more I like them solved. When the why of a situation remains unanswered I have a real angst or grist sensation that does not fade quickly. It is obvious to me that my curious nature is huge within me. Little else, besides my personal emotional feelings have such sway over how I spend my time in deep concentration. Perhaps my curiosity may be more unique to me than other shared instincts I have with most other fellow humans, given my relentless pursuit of answers, it's possible. I accept that my craving or compulsion to know things is at a high level of interest to me and as such I have developed a mechanism to cope with the never-ending disappointments strewn at my feet. It is bad enough that I rarely get to have things I most desire in my personal emotional life but also to be thwarted in my logical quest for conclusions into the unknown is doubly irritating. I have found that accepting whatever happens as an answer is helpful. Even a dead-end means to turn around and go another way. There are no "deserves" here in life for me. It seems that serendipity is the great determiner not some master plan of providence. Why a thing or situation is the way it is will most likely escape me more often than not but I am persistent and I will keep trying to live as my nature best wants me to. The significance of my curious nature to know has yet to be revealed to me.

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