Saturday, April 21, 2012

Conquering the shackles of fear (#1177)

Left to our own choices, would our lives be different or the same? I have been manipulated my whole life. Some for reasons that did not benefit me but most for what others thought would be best for me. Regardless, this has been my life and as I have struggled against the pressures of doing what others expect of me, I have mostly succeeded in being who I am and what I am trying to become. The one constant in being pressured to do things that were not my initial intent of purpose, has been fear. I was afraid of disappointing people, I was afraid that if I went against my family or friends that I would be left out on my own. I was afraid in so many ways that I forced my mind to accept that the limited choices in front of me were all that I had. I succumbed to expectations of others because I was not strong enough to fight for my vision of my life. Certainly, I was stubborn about implementing my acquiesced choices but being against what I already had defaulted toward still does not define for me the courage I needed at the beginning. Once the pressure was off, is when I then began to resist, not while the pressure was on. I was afraid to stand up for myself and afraid to disappoint those who had expectations in me. Mostly, those days are behind me now. I am not the young man who seemed full of promise and could raise the level of hoped for dreams of those around me. I am now just another simple soul who sits at a computer screen now and then to type in some words that matter to me. No expectations, no fulfilling of others' desires, just me and the little bit I do to recognize the nature of us all and the better and best of our natures in thought and action.

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