Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Companionship in life (#1188)

There have been times in my life where for a small period of time, I had found a companion who was in synchronicity with me and I with her. This happened to me a few times during my life and those memories of that bond we shared are still highly appreciated. I have not had a bond with a companion like those earlier ones and for that I am sorrowful. Yet, my relationships today are more and abundant. They are not of the intense physical (passionate) nor psychological (emotional) varieties but they are friendly and caring. I still hold out the thought that at some point in my life a connection will be made again like earlier in my life and this time I will not let a loving relationship escape me, from me, being too selfish. I have learned much over the years and my biggest and most painful lesson has been that I had prized my own risks/rewards above my companions. Ashamed is the best way for me to explain my lack of courage and insight into how to have a true companion relationship. I bring all of this up because I am a single man who enjoys the calm and serenity of personal freedom, yet, my life is lacking the real close contact that I have experienced in the past. Despite my appreciated bachelorhood, I desire more, and hope that more will reveal itself to me in time for me to prove I am deserving of more. Life is not that hard to figure out for a guy like me. Unfortunately I had to learn, through all the stubbornness I could muster, that being loved and loving back is the greatest experience in this existence and always will be.

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