Saturday, March 30, 2013

Following through (#1520)

The older I get the more important it is for me to follow through on what I say and do. I cannot give an impression that I will be or do one thing and then not do it. It takes away from my sincerity and my word and action as my bond. If there is one thing in this world I have it is my bond to others that I will do what I have said I will do. I say all of this because for me it is not easy to keep my promises. When I give my promises I often feel different when the time comes to deliver on my promises. Not because the dynamic that induced my initial promise has changed but because I am frail at times when it comes to putting myself out for others when I could just as easily be selfish and only think of what is best for me. I have that struggle within me since it is an inculcated response I had been trained to deliver by the forces of selfishness that overwhelmingly dominate our culture and society on whole. I have had to especially retrain myself to disregard my doubting hesitancy toward backing my own words when it is necessary. I have had to remember that giving of myself is the true gift in life that makes me feel the most alive. When I remember that, I do myself a great service and I also advance the honorable notion that those whom I give my word to are worthy of my time and space. I suppose it is a frailty in all of us that keeps us from honoring our words with action when the opportunity to not do so is alluring, however the guilt for failing is too much to bear when compared to the satisfaction of accomplishment. There are even times when I feel like a really good thing that is coming my way through the keeping of my word is not deserved by myself and then I set some little plan in motion to sabotage it. But when those times do occur, I remember that I am worthy of things that come my way and allowing for that to occur is the good and right thing to do.

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