Thursday, May 30, 2013

I have got to do better! (#1581)

Every time I get even a hint that I am doing alright, something happens to remind me that I have so very far to go. Even my little conquests are insignificant in comparison to what I could or should have done. I will certainly take my little steps forward but how much better could all of our lives be if I could just get more in tune with the vibrations of a better life. I am my own worst critic and will always be the first to humbly admit that I am nothing special or different in an egocentric way. Yet I know that I am failing to realize what is better in me. I often catch myself faltering and defaulting back to old behavior that I know is not representative of who I am now. Little things like not taking control over my words and high emotional stress. If I am not the cool headed one during times when I am not obstructed by anything else other than my own force of will then how am I going to effect change where my own control is not enough? I suppose I am still learning how to be a more effective person and the growing pains of that are trials and tests. Most of the trials and tests I do well but some I falter at badly. My passion is the biggest stumbling block I have and taking the idea that my passion is the reason for my caring so much is not salve enough for not being more in control of it. In this regard, being in more control of myself, I do shoot for perfection. It is the one area where I am the one making the choices and if I cannot choose to reflect who I am then I am not what I think I am. At least that is the conclusion I have come to tell myself. As such, I had better get more in control of my passions or they might just be the undoing of my best efforts to be the man I so wish to live as.

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