Friday, February 6, 2015

When my consciousness is over (#2198)

When my life is over so will my consciousness of it be. I won't be here in my host. My body will be reformed into it's separate particles freed to become attached with any other atoms and molecules out in existence. What I do know is that the time I spent being Carl Clark will be over. Yet I still want to live like it will be a record on the history of humanity. Whether that happens or not is not for me to decide. You see what I want is not the ultimate adjudicator of reality. So how do I reconcile this with my current thoughts and behavior? Easy, I actually believe that my destiny is in how I take what I am and make it into my reality. What I mean here is that I am living who I am. I don't need the idea of a holy book or a list of ideals to live by. I need what is best about what is inside me, in my case the goodness within me, to be exposed as my working premise. I am not naturally a hard and cruel being, on the contrary I am a caring and curious one. That is my essence. So the consciousness I have of this is my purpose. So while I have life here in this existence I am under a duty to myself to utilize what is best about me and to live it. Regardless of whether it all turns into nothingness at the end of my time. I don't need a forced rationalization of some fairy tale about life after death or some hoped for fantasy to allow me to be who I am. I accept that my time is limited and when my time is up I will be no more. Such is the way of this existence and nothing I wish for will change that. What I do instead is celebrate the time I have here by doing everything in my power to be the best of who I am. Yes, I have a complex about being perfect but only in the sense that every moment I live as the best me the better I do to achieve the purpose of my life, no matter how mortally short that time is and no matter that I will not know of it after I am dust. 

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