Life isn't about my favorite sports team winning. Life isn't about how big my bank account is. Life isn't about the buzz at the next party and who I can get "lucky" with. Life is about what is good. the good feeling I get when I can do or say something that is helpful to someone else. Life is good when I sense all of existence around me and not have to worry about anything but right now. I have tried all the pacifiers out there that could seemingly make me feel good and although some did for a short moment, they didn't last nor did they work again. A lot of living is going through the never ending cycle of trial and error. I was stuck on that carousel for decades hoping that a different outcome would happen even though it never did. I suppose I was one of those who let a cognitive dissonance rule my consciousness to the point of not caring what logic dictated. I was struggling against what logic was telling me and I couldn't surrender to logic no matter how much it made sense. I had to do what I was doing because somehow I thought I was different and the laws of physics and language didn't have to apply to me. Talk about an ego complex, I had a doozy. But after failing so miserably and almost ruining my health and mental capabilities, I found a way to force myself to accept logic and the facts as real. I changed my behavior and found that all the time I was searching and forcing myself to chase after what I thought was good in life, was the exact opposite of what I needed to do. I needed to give of myself and help those who needed my help. In the process of doing for others I realized that I was also doing for myself. I found happiness and goodness in being the real me. The one deep down inside that doesn't need a mask or an illusion to feel right. I feel good now because I do good now. I am not selfish or greedy in my life, I am the opposite of those things. Because I have learned through trial and error that there is only one true purpose for life, to care and to wonder and for that I am the luckiest man in the world to have discovered.
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