Saturday, January 28, 2017

The thorn in my side, impatience (#2920)

     The theme throughout my life spanning the totality of it so far as to a bane, is impatience. If there is one person who can thwart myself it is me. I can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory without batting an eye with the best of them. Only to find out I could have been more patient and seen the error of my way, not as an immediate afterthought, but before I put act to action. It is like, metaphorically, taking a step out before looking expecting the ground to be there but in that instant of actually moving without being able to reverse, I realize the misstep. If I had been just a moment longer and looked down to make sure I wasn't at some precarious edge I could well have not stepped. It has been almost always a choice of mine that I seem to have to rush for a reason I am unable to explain.
     Although maybe it is a metabolism thing where the need to finish or move on is an addictive property that my ego demands. Whatever the reason, I have not learned to overcome this shortfall in my behavior, yet. Although writing about it now will undoubtedly help me find a solution. So much of it is my nature and how I seem to think that I know what is next that I must do and waiting to do it seems irresponsible. Yet I keep proving myself wrong by the too many outcomes that were not what I wanted, waiting for me after my action. Much of how my life has come about to being is a direct result of me jumping the gun and losing something for no other reason than me being impatient.
     Now not all my destiny has been caused by me being impatient but enough of it has so that I have taken note and yet still remain frustrated at it's continuance. However, all that said, if that is the worst of a thorn stuck in my side, well that is not that bad and is something I can change simply by pausing and examining more closely one last time before deciding what action to do. A fixable error in my behavior. I will work on that more now that I have spent the time opening up about it somewhere other than in my head. What I have let slip away though is still a remorse that will remain and that surely keeps me from ever growing an inflated ego.

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