I live one time and that is this time so all that I do must reflect who I am and not what I am forced to be. My reality won't allow it now. Everything I have done in the past is mine and whether I am proud of it or not doesn't come into the equation, it just is. So making excuses or denying behavior is unacceptable. All my life I have been searching for the why of things, well I know the why of me now. I am and I may be that if I choose. Which is what I am doing. The things of allure and fantasy are not given any quarter with me. I am not about what I can do for myself as much as I am for what I can do to make our world a better place. I have honor that way, not selfishness. I tried selfishness and it left me cold and hollow inside.
So simply put, as my life is winding down I am content in that I have chosen to live as the best example of who I am. I still not without my stumbles but they are innocent in intent and never purposeful. I rectify and own my behavior whenever it deviates from my choices as it can do given that I am imperfect. There is no autopilot for me as life is too complicated and complex for me to think I can have a choice at the ready without having to ponder on it's effect to me and others. Life is constantly changing and that whirligig is unforgiving when I don't concentrate on the ever changing factors. Regardless though, I choose my behavior, it does not choose me and in the end I have found that wisdom to live by.