Monday, February 23, 2009

One thing at a time. (#24)

Keeping track of many events and desires in my life with continuity is much easier to say then it is to put into practice. I try so very hard to keep my thinking right here in the present time. This staying in the present, is not how I allowed myself to become who I am with any consistency. I had assumed that I could keep the past, present and future all coordinated in a clear understandable way. Maybe I started out that way but I have no memories of that actually occuring. So to disentangle my desires from my memories and my actions requires me to pause and reorganize. Now, I can only stay focused on what I am doing today and let some days go by so I can get a gauge on what I want for my life. What I think and feel today is what is actually going on in my life. I've discovered that I am true to who I am more often. Who I am is what I allow myself to be based on my moral, ethical, legal and logical compass. There is one more factor in my make-up, a very huge entity I call "I don't know". This entity is the answer to why all things are. What I do know is that I am NOT this entity. Knowing that I am not the entity I write about takes a lot of pressure off me. I don't even pretend to know more than anyone else, or nearly as much as any one else. I find that I am more who I am if I don't try to be something or someone I'm not. I just keep doing one thing at a time and occasionally look up and see how much I have accomplished. How anyone views me is pointless, how I view myself is the point. My goal is to have what I need in my life by just doing one thing at a time.

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