Monday, May 31, 2010
It is intangible. It has no form or weight. It cannot be seen. It can only be felt. Inside me is where this gift I have been given resides. As a gift I am surely happy that it has found it's way to me. Where it came from is not anything I know for sure but can only guess at. Whether this gift will ever be shared with anyone else is yet to be determined but I do have my part of it. Will I tell you what it is? No. In time I can reveal this gift to someone but not now. I am enjoying the fact that I have something inside me that makes everything seem so special. What is that? I am fortunate to have felt this and know it is real. It is my hope that all of us experience a gift from a good place that makes our lives happy. I just want to be happy and help others be happy as well. I don't need anything else in life except what this gift I have makes me feel. What I have learned from all of this is a perspective on how I should live my life. In truth and honesty, in self-sacrifice and justice. I have what I have always wanted inside me, and the thought of losing it is not a concept I wish to consider. Nothing else man-made will ever come close to giving me the feeling I constantly have within me. The smile on my face is warm and genuine. The thoughts about others is real and virtue driven. I like myself today because I have something very special going on inside me. I am a fulfilled man, as much as a man can be fulfilled, despite not having a companion to share it with.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The ability to put into words how I feel about anything is what I strive to do. I don't look for catch phrases or cliche's to express my thoughts, I want my own words to describe what I am representing. Too many times I see people say they like some political person and that is nice if that is what they do, like the person. However, mostly it is because they like the person's view on a subject. It is the subject that they should be saying they like with some explanation. It is so simple to let others think for ourselves but it is not in our own interest to do so. We all must convey some sense of knowledge and understanding on subjects we feel personal about. These subjects of governmental and social debate are for us individually to comprehend. When we leave the comprehension to others we abdicate a part of what it is that defines our freedom. Simply taking the time to objectively understand a subject instead of spending time doing some mindless activity would benefit us in understanding and expressing our own viewpoint. Life is not easy and thinking that we are owed some privilege simply because we demand that privilege is not real. We must always work for our right to think and express our right to think with a sacredness as precious as life itself.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
This is one of those posts where I have no idea where I will end up. It is just a free flow of what is going to come to my mind. I started this today with no idea for a subject matter. Only concepts I have previously written about. That is the beauty of this blog as well, what is in my mind is what ends up on the page. I am a bit sleep deprived and that must be contributing to my lack of creative thought process. lol. More than anything I enjoy this type of writing in that something will establish itself as the subject. I am still unsure what that something will be. Peace and calm is what I am experiencing at the moment and that is tremendous in itself. I guess I don't have to have an opinion to write about everyday. I can just carry on a conversation with as yet unknown people who may read my blog posting for today. That is fine with me as it gives me a chance to express the real time happenings in my thoughts. I have other distractions going on around me and that is normal as well. My dog is snoring loudly and my phone has just let me know I had a message come through. I am starting to think beyond what I could write here. I am already planning out my morning in my head instead of trying to be of some significance on some subject I have not identified yet. lol. I believe I will stop here since the stream of thought between my ears is little to none.
Friday, May 28, 2010
For me there is a duality of necessity. One is having thought perception. Rene Descartes statement of "I think, therefore I am." illuminates the concept that I exist. Along with thought is sensory perception. If I feel, taste, smell, hear and see in any combination or alone, then I am, along with thought, alive. Now, of course, I am only speaking of the human experience. Other forms of life exist without me knowing whether thought and sensory perception exist within them. From the smallest single cell organism, plant or animal, on up the evolutionary or creative chain. Having only thought and sensory perception is the minimal acceptable example, to me, of what it is to be alive. I maintain that curiosity and compassion are the two expressions of instinct we carry within all of us. Born from the need to survive. It is in the practice of curiosity and compassion that we begin to experience the gift of living the human experiment with a fullness greater than just existing. A scale can be devised to measure one's fullness in life directly proportional to how one utilizes the concept of curiosity and compassion as a rule. Within all of us is emotion, and through experiencing emotion, our own emotion, by our own actions, we are given a clue as to how we are living our lives. My sense of inner satisfaction based upon actions I think and allow myself to experience, help me understand, gauge and measure my personal utility of compassion and curiosity. That is what determines the fullness of life I have.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
When my life started I was unfamiliar with my surroundings. I did not know what to think nor did I know how to act. Over time through assimilation and repeating what others did, I gained the beginning of a process for living. Once I came aware that I could make decisions unilaterally for myself I began to discover many possibilities. Having no real perspective, or an objective outlook, I began my journey of enlightenment with many stops and starts. I am now at a point in my life where I can restart my journey. I spent a good part of my life learning and now I want to spend the rest of my life doing those things I have found to be in concert with who I am. I am a blank canvas again. I will not forget the lessons I learned from the past but I will not continue to live in them as a rule. My past has become my perspective on the things in life I look upon and wish to inculcate into my life. I often think of myself like the paraphrased version of a movie line I once heard. (It is as if I have lived two lives, one, the one I learned with, and the other, the one I want to now live.) It appears that I had to go through what I went through to get where I am today. I certainly wish I had not taken so long to have the vision of my life that I do have now but that is moot. What I do with the canvas of my life is now before me and I am willing and able to paint my present and future.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I look at myself and wonder why I have become who I am. Of all the millions of decisions, big and small, I have made over my life to this point why am I who I am? It is not just happenstance that I am who I am. There is very little serendipity in the making of me. I have guided myself to this point by making conscious decisions that effect who I have become. All of these many decisions in my life come from within me. The core of who I am resides within my values and hopes. I get to dictate my expressions through action based upon the drive within me. I cannot see who I am through others' eyes but I am truly a reflection of what I let myself be. Others will have to offer their perspective on who I am through some valid form of recognition but that is their perception. I often if not always refer to how I hope to become the man I wish to be, wise and kind. Do I show this in my life? Just because I want it does not mean I am doing it. Every little detail of my life must be in concert with the wise and kind paradigm. Nothing is too insignificant a thought or action from me that is unimportant a value in becoming what I want to be. It would be easy for me to tell everyone how I am working hard to become this person but words are simple and the actual doing is hard and constant. Although the hard gets easier with familiarity the consistent is more difficult in that it must remain relentless and vigilant. What I say about me is that I am still a work in progress unwilling to quit when getting better is an option.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Hello, this is me, Carl Arthur Clark. I hope you are well and that what we did here from before and after 2010 has left a smile within your heart. It has been my fervent hope that we, as a society, have progressed in a positive way to make your existences even more rewarding than ours. It has been an honor being a human being and experiencing all the sensations attributed to us. We have five senses, touch, sight, hearing, taste and smell. We also have the ability to gauge situations through a "gut feeling". Telepathy is something we think is possible but our technology is still rudimentary in trying to implement a telepathic system. We also believe that time travel is another possible formulation but again we are nowhere near any plausible formula to make it happen. Space travel is our latest preoccupation in order to expand our curious natures. We really do care about each other but our education and understanding levels are not where they should be yet. We still fight amongst ourselves, like adolescents or primitives. I have great hope for us however since the dawn of humanity a progression toward enlightenment has steadily occurred. We don't share information with ourselves yet as there is still distrust between culture, race and political idealism's. We are working out our differences and hopefully soon we will truly be a society that is as tolerant and diverse as I hope your society is.
Monday, May 24, 2010
It is as if a happy chemical reaction takes place within me when I set out to specifically help others in their lives. If I can give of myself and do a positive thing my inner being is well satisfied and actually happy. It is amazing the awareness I am able to perceive now that I have my priorities in order. Real simple really, do for others as a first thought, then enjoy the act of doing for others and humbly remember that it is a privilege to achieve the accomplishment. I am on the track to becoming the man I had hoped to be when I first started out in life. What an amazing coming around it has been for me. I got lost within myself as to what I wanted to do in life a long time ago. I became selfish and hard. Not today however, I have found my selflessness and sensitivity to what others are experiencing. What a great realization for me. My life could end right now and I would be smiling. It is because I have found inner contentment and purpose. I live by principles that are steadfast and true to virtue. I am not perfect and I will never be but I can keep striving and really, isn't it about the trying anyway? I do not rest just on trying, I continue to work to have outcomes that are in harmony with virtue, but I know if I try I will achieve it more often than not.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
When I was born and growing up as a child I thought that society was a finely constructed system where people were amazingly smart and told the truth about things. Slowly, over time as I was growing up I discovered that my perception of reality was incorrect. When I say slowly over time I mean just that. It was like I was one of the last ones to realize that society was not finely constructed but loosely constructed with room for all kinds of lesser than virtuous actions. I was hopelessly a believer in the good in life fighting to suppress the bad in life. I have since realized that for myriad of reasons we, as individuals, are less than capable of doing the right thing when advantages can be gained. The logical progression of the "advantages being gained" concept is that we are gaining advantages over each other. Why is that? Must our society inculcate self-indulgence over fairness? Why should I, as a human being, be given more or most when all we all are trying to do is to survive with a little bit of grace and dignity? The incredible gift of life is too precious. Every individual who has ever existed is a marvel in creation. Yet the less than respectful way we exist in society with each other is sadly shameful. It is as if we are not living with the real reality that exists but with an artificial one that tells us that being more or less than one another is truth. I humbly disagree and want to change reality by trying to explain our sameness.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I am fortunate. I say this because I have ended up in a place in my life where I am free to speak my mind without repercussions of retribution in other parts of my life. No one holds a threat over me that could refrain my free uninhibited speech. It seems that others have been less able to speak their minds because of fear. Losing security or losing advantages worked hard for. There is a direct trade-off between individual rights and security. As a strategy this reality of a trade-off seems worthy of doing. I am not of that mind-set. I have little to lose however and my perspective of the importance of security is skewed by this reality. Overall however, I have positioned myself in an objective lifestyle that dictates my individual being as a higher priority than my sense of security. I will not trade what I am for what I want. I will not teach that to anyone as a default position or as a compromise of value. What I am is not what a society tells me I must be. I live in society because it keeps us from chaos but not to the point where I must deny my thoughts and expressions because a micro-managed itinerary is developed to control me where I am not myself any longer. General guidelines are important within society but not as inhibitors to self will in choice and opportunity. I will call out what I see as unjust or selfish and not allow anyone to stifle me because of society's superficial gifts as a vanguard against the truth.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wow, the thoughts that come into my head. When I was younger I was more afraid of dying before I had lived my life. I am not proud to say this but it is what I felt. Today I am less afraid of dying because I have lived a good portion of my life already. Seems like a strategy on my part. That I am more willing to sacrifice my life at an older age than at a younger age. This was not a consistent concept within me however, I, at times, was more willing to give my life for something I felt strongly about than at other times. I remember being courageous and putting my life on the line as well as being a coward and shrinking from my own belief system. I have been a mixed bag on my actions toward potentially sacrificing my life. Later in life, as I am now, I am far more willing to be courageous than to being a coward. It has always been the case that when I was under the influence of mind altering substances that I was far less courageous. I have since banished mind altering substances from my life and I find that I am more willing to stand up to aggression and let my courage dominate my responses. As to the what triggers my deciding what to put my life in peril for the list is large. It includes immediate danger to myself and others as well as circumstances that include coercion and duress. I am not a knight in shining armor but neither am I just an innocent bystander unwilling to right injustice when it confronts my presence.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The truth is important because life is so short and the more we understand the better life can be lived. It seems that our society is so complex that it is beyond understanding. It is overwhelming in it's interconnectedness. More important though is that we need to know what we are doing within society. To have the ability or desire to realize what we are doing. It is not acceptable just to do something because that is how things are done without knowing why. Due to inequities in life circumstances change is difficult to achieve where a truly equal opportunity system does not prevail. For those who enjoy abundance the task of redistribution seems unfair. For those who are in situations of poverty, the burdens of confusion, denigration and despair are obstacles toward elevating toward the life of abundance. There are only so many resources and under our current society only a few can actually experience luxury. Those who have the luxury are hesitant to change their status and those who don't have luxury despise those who do, all the while wishing luxury for themselves. We need to understand what it is we are doing. I find unacceptable the notion that our society is beyond improvement. We all face the same truths and we must all ponder these truths with a goal of bringing all of us together into a living system that values and appreciates every human with dignity and respect.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
This used to dominate my strategy for living. Most everything I tried to do revolved around what I thought you were thinking about me. How I could come across as favorable in your mind. Today, I have no such strategies of any significance. Why the turnaround? Simply, I cannot control how and what you think. Certainly there are times when I can influence your thoughts about me and that is natural within the course of relationships. However, to base my thoughts and actions on how I will be perceived by any individual as a strategy is invalid and unacceptable. What I do today is to live my life to the utmost based upon the better and best of human principles. If I am living within the confines of virtue, good, right, just, moral, ethical etc... then I am not concerned about what you think only about what I think and do. What you think of me will be up to your observation of me and that then is your perception to validate. For the most part what and how I am living is my only focus but what I think about you is also important. What I think about you is a direct reflection of my own principles in action. If I give you every courtesy and all respect then it is well with me. If your actions disrespect my courtesy and respect to you then and only then must I remove my courtesy and respect toward you and move on to others who also wish to display the better and best of human principles within their life.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Survival. The most fundamental instinct within the human species. I sense it is the same for other species as well however I am not including other species in my conversation this morning. Again, I have said that human nature is comprised of two main instincts, compassion and curiosity. I have also stated that there is a third instinct I cannot fold nicely into either compassion or curiosity, that being the survival instinct. Although I consider survival a sub-category of both, it is still it's own distinct instinct. From the womb to the grave, the evidence of striving or fighting to any extent to remain alive is verifiable. Life is a desirable and even necessary experience. How humanity came to be involved in life is still unknown, however that we are tells me that life is precious and important in some overall concept. The realization that we are an entity all unto ourselves is incredible. Certainly we are controlled in areas of our actual living experience but as an individual we are only ourselves. This is a power or gift that is exceptional. What is it within us that has ingrained this instinct to survive as a hereditary event that has been passed on through to us over all of life's span? Knowing myself and how I react to threats to my life gives me the insight to understand that the survival instinct is the genesis of our ability to reason and analyze. Which leads me to my conclusion that compassion and curiosity are the two pillars of natural instincts within us born from our instinct to survive.
Monday, May 17, 2010
It is so difficult for me to listen to others when my mind is daydreaming or my voice is engaged. I seem to think that I have an opinion on everything and if not I am trying to formulate one out of thin air. These are the practices of an undisciplined mind. Partly learning from my previous behaviour is recognizing this and establishing within me the reason for it. If I am to change this behaviour I must know the root of it. It seems to me that two main elements of psychology are at play, within me, as behind everything I wish to change from a bad habit into a good one. They being, low self-esteem and selfishness. I can only assume from knowing me that I have an impulse to be accepted by whoever I am conversing with and I have an impulse to want to feel intellectual and wise. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted and recognized as wise unless I do these things at the expense of others. I have come to know that appearing to know a lot of things is false and that we all are insecure at times within relationships and that is okay. Having now understood my actions and motives it is easier for me to accept whatever reality there is in front of me and quietly listen to others. It is empowering to know that I have corralled my impulses and I am now available to help others by listening through to their concerns. I have found a way to ground myself in concentration focused on others instead of what I can get from others. It is quite refreshing and satisfying knowing that I am still growing in personal maturity.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Here it is then, what must be done. There is no other way to accomplish what I want than to lead by example. I know the axiom of leading by example is the right way to do things but previously in my past I was not willing to put it into action. Always hoping that someone or something would do for me what I was unwilling to do for myself. I, selfishly, somehow felt that I would be sacrificing a part of myself if I took the time to practice any form of idealism. I also felt that I was not worthy because of low self-esteem. Who would believe the guy who has nothing to show for himself? None of these previous reasons are valid to my way of thinking today. I am hoping to lead by example in all idealistic concepts known to myself, truly selfless. I also know that none of us is worthy of anything unless we take a stand to protect what is right and good in life. It is not too late in my life to make known to all who would recognize that I can stand on the principles of the best human traits. In fact leading by example has come to mean everything of significance to me. Nothing else in the world is more important to me than to protect what is the better and best of human traits. I see myself as one of all of us and hopefully all of us truly seek to to include everyone one of us. As I continue to experience the most important things in life, I will also continue to stand and defend them against all who would abuse them.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Initially, when I started this blog, I thought I would just post something whenever I had a burning desire to express myself. Things have not turned out that way. Since the third day of this blog beginning, I have posted something every single day. It has become my way of recording the thoughts within me whether they are important to me or just a way of letting myself be vulnerable to the public. In a way writing everyday has been therapeutic in that I am constantly having to focus on my thoughts and a regimented form of writing discipline. I am forcing myself to write even when I am not full of passion to do so. What I have discovered is that I surprise myself by the topics I end up writing about. More often than not the subject matter shows itself as I begin to type a title. If you can see that sometimes the subject matter does not actually align with the topic it is because I write in the title and then proceed to the subject matter. However, my mind begins to open up and takes me from my initial concept. It is amazing what I go through in this process. I am at the whim of the present with very little control over how the subject matter is expressed. It is as if the writing is taking on a life of it's own. When I was a child I would never have thought that the pleasure I get today would be through the genre of writing. A daily journal of infinite subject matter? Writing this blog posting everyday is not a chore but rather a connection to reality that I wish to continue.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I know that that one person can make a difference in how destiny is achieved. I am a force within nature not unlike any other person on this planet. All of us have the ability to steer fate toward a direction. I heard today that it is okay to be ourselves, this is true and furthermore we have an obligation and responsibility to be ourselves. How do we define to ourselves what we are? We only need to look inward at our hearts. What is our heart telling each of us? All the principles for living that I defend as natural to the human species have come from sensing the way I would wish to be treated by anyone. I will never stop saying this, We control how we think and act every second of our lives. We are the ones who must take command of how we wish ourselves to treat others. Forget all the worldly gain or prestige or superficial power and instead focus on the thoughts and acts we can do to give to all of humanity. We are the better nature of the human species but we must want it with all our might for it is not given without being desired. The end product of our lives is not the material wealth but the spiritual well being we experience. Reality can be bent and shaped into a paradigm that instills our better and best natures as the value we wish to exchange. If all of us wish to be what we truly are instead of the fallback position of what we must be in this current chaotic reality then we must all start to see what we are in our hearts.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
This seems like an impossible goal when it applies to me attaining it. However my spirit is finite within me and I sense that it can be perfect. How I apply my spirit will never be perfect since all my thoughts and actions must filter through my brain. It is logical though for me to get a real closeness with who I am on the inside of me. I spend enough time contemplating and meditating to understand the relationship I am forming within myself. I do not look at myself as a complete being rather as a being with different parts that make me one unit. My spirit part is my heart. It is where all my compassionate emotions dwell. I have come to the arena of emotions and have challenged my better emotions to subdue and quiet down my reckless passionate compulsions. It is no easy task to tamper down negative emotions I have been letting run wild within me for so many years but it is doable. The reason it is doable is that I now recognize the reason for their existence. I had previously had no idea I could be logical about whether they existed or not. It was under my control all along. Instead I believed that my reactions were of a natural instinct. I am the ultimate control of how I think and react and now knowing this is my key to the right type living I have been searching for my entire life. I am not captive to my reactions they are captive to me. I am the responsible party over how I reflect myself back to all that see and hear me. My spirit is in a good place now, right inside me waiting to be expressed in the true form it really is.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Life really can be just this simple. I do not see the point of structuring business so that one type of work is exponentially valued above any other type of work. Maybe the idealism of honoring work as a practice as to it's being done well instead of some artificial category related to importance should be the standard. The ego is a powerful allure, it is real but it is also superficial to the real bounty of what life should be. It would make more sense to me if salary was structured in a way that did give value to the more complex attributes of company operators through a modestly higher income. With all sharing in the profits of the performance of the company. Even to the point of profit sharing with all directly involved third party companies and even to the purchasers of the company's product. Truly the profit would be shared with all who are a part of the success of the business. My reasoning on this is that regardless of whatever venture, enterprise or creative diversion, we must all do something with our time. My belief that in society we are all the equals to each other with different individual gifts, and as such society should not mainly reward only those with an ability to progress greed as an individual virtue. I have to do something anyway with my time in existence, why not share it with my fellow human beings?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It seems that we have tendencies to help each other and also hurt each other. This is based upon on our natures and our societal expectations. I have propounded the theory that we have within us two main instincts, compassion and curiosity. With a third nature of survival that is in both the others. While I recognize these traits as the dominant of ourselves I also state that the denial of these two plus survival, allow us to experience the manifestations of lesser and debasing instincts. All of this so that I can explain why we tend to harm each other in ways that are legal, illegal and certainly immoral. Our society provokes us to compete with each other over limited resources, in a sort of survival of the cleverest mode. Being ingenious in accomplishing is to be lauded, however winning at all costs is to be shunned. Our society allows us too many opportunities to manipulate and deceive each other with impunity. I welcome competition as impetus and motivation to try but not to exclude. Our fundamental thinking that competition is a personal value is not where it needs to be. Competition is a tool not a virtue. Life is greater than any rule we would choose to define it. Respect of life is our goal. Advancing progressive ideals is important and should always continue but when it pits us against each other with the "loser" held in less regard is selfish. All of life needs to advance together. We are all in this together and I say to everyone, by what standard of judgement does anyone think they are more valued than another?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Unlike all the inanimate objects that exist, I am animate and along with that I have the ability to move about and I can reason. The Universe really is my playground. I need the wherewithall to be able to move about the Universe but at least I know what I want to do. Having an idea is the first step toward accomplishing anything for the most part. I am looking forward to any possibility that can advance civilization toward outer space exploration and if I am not around for the great adventures that are out there at least I will have been hopeful for their occurrences. The way I am living my life is a compromise to the fact that I cannot be out into space exploring and discovering all that is out there. While the compromise I speak of is less than perfect to my way of thinking, it is the best I can do with what I have. I am so much a curious man about what I don't know. It is at the center of me to know the as yet unknowable. I often must remind myself that there is much here on Planet Earth that is as yet unknowable to me. However most of what is on Planet Earth is knowable to someone on this planet. That which is in outer space however is not known by any human being. There is nowhere to go to reference what is not known yet. I am being redundant but I can not stress enough how much I wish I were in outer space exploring to my heart's content.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
It is not an easy subject for me to talk about but I am able to relay that I have deep emotional feelings. They are very important to me as well. To such a point as to be the most overwhelming subject within my life. As the impetus and genesis all wrapped up into one force, my life is guided by my emotional sensations. Granted, I have put restraints upon my emotional self but regardless of these emotional constraints, I am still duty bound to them. Despite the fact of my tempered reactions to my emotional senses, I am a man who is laden with an extraordinary compulsion to experience my emotions to their utmost. I have come to know that life is an experiential existence and any denial or dismissive mindset to thwart my experiential experience is to purposefully relieve myself of something unique to me. I am unwilling to have my experiences denied out of some sense of societal protocol when no harm is done to anyone. I get to know who I am and experience who I am. No consequence of my knowing and understanding the emotion within me will ever intentionally formulate itself into an action of harm to anyone. But I will not deny myself the right to the individual right of being and the accoutrement's that are inherent within being. As I am conscious of how deeply I feel I begin to understand the significance of how precious every moment is and my hope for the fulfillment of every hope within every moment.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
This is what I want for me. To feel the sweet sensation of harmony with all things. I can imagine it therefore it can exist. Now you know how my mind works. If I can imagine something I know it can exist. I use this process in all things I think about. See how easy it is for me to stay positive? I am a spiritual being who has the faith of a giant. My life is so improbable, so unbelievable, so fortunate. I am the personification of an unlikely event. I categorize my life as purely a gift, nothing more. I know that every time I open my eyes I am made worthy to scream out that I don't deserve this. Why do I get to awaken every time I have gone to sleep? The forces that have all of existence somehow have me where I am for whatever reason I am still trying to be. I continue to do what is right in my heart and put to action those right thoughts. I am always laughing on the inside of me. I know my heart and how I feel, don't think that I am not still an individual human being, but I am also here by the grace of something greater than me and I am still here. This humorous notion I have that I still get to breathe air and sense the world is laughable to me because I do not deserve to be alive and every breath is a miracle. I will continue to strive to live up to the worthiness that has been given to me, unearned by me, until I no longer am apart of the present existence. I do know the peace that comes with this overwhelming humility.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Somewhere in time exists a society that is based on compassion and curiosity. It will inevitably exist if enough impetus toward it builds. The wherewithall necessary to form such a society is still unclear, however, either through some over-powering event or through some long struggled process the hoped for likelihood is possible. We have been born into the social contract that exists today. It is difficult to modify and change this contract because of the advantages many individuals with influence would rather maintain. Most heavily of these advantages are of a financial nature. There are advantages as well of power and artificial respect. There is also the philosophical whirligig of arrogance and greed to overcome. It is my belief that when we as a society become educated in whole, or are allowed the opportunity to equalize our opportunities we will have arrived at a staging point to make the correct course changes toward a society based upon compassion and curiosity. I conclude that life is short and unique to each of us. It should have the living experience of our senses and imaginations. It should not be a toil, a drudgery of base and immoral circumstances. None of us deserves anything less than equality with each other. We are all born into existence with no preconditions to our arrival. Our time in this dimension should reflect our best not some variation that also includes our worst.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Regardless of how we see ourselves others are watching. What we do matters. It all boils down to what is important to us. I have decided to be an example to others by reflecting back the honorable principles I hold dear. I am not always successful but I am determined to continue to try. My objectivity about reality helps me in knowing how to think and act. It is always important to respect all possibilities without exception. I am no rule maker or the master of creation, I am just an individual amongst billions of individuals either alive now or that have passed on before me. I do not get to tell anyone what is right or wrong when they are not harming themselves or others. I get to enjoy the air I breathe, the liquids I drink, the food I consume and the clothes I wear. Fundamentally, I get to define who I am and nothing more. It is well that I know what my life is about and how I want to live it. By being an example, I can let others know as well what is important to me. That is good enough. I have a lot of compassion for life and I want the best for all living beings. But what I want for life outside of me is not my domain. I can only try to be the best example possible and let others at least have a chance to see what I am doing.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I awoke last night with the thought about how I don't have to try to manipulate, coerce, cajole or otherwise apply duress to get things done. I just have to try as hard as I can and then ask for help when I need it. It is not a perfect system but seems to work well. The old adage that "you don't get something for nothing" seems to be untrue. My experience shows me that people want to be apart of something or anything that has honorable values and noble intent. I try so hard to keep myself within these bounds so that whatever it is I am trying to do has a positive result when it is accomplished. It is so different for my way of thinking now that I know that I don't have to be the master of all things around me. I can just do what I think is helpful and good and let others know what I am doing. It is not a contest or a competition to prove my worth or ability, it is about the subject I am trying to advance, not me. It has taken me many years to realize that when I respect myself and my motives, I am also able to respect everyone else and it shows. When the subject of my good intent is exposed others just naturally are drawn to it through curiosity or by the subject and it's standing in their life. I am more like a catalyst now, setting things up and trying to get them into motion. The help just seems to come to life of its own accord. I really like my life today.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Every time I start to think of the things that bring me down or are troublesome I remember that I am really living the life I choose now. I am enjoying the possibilities that are around me. I feel like I am participating in my life instead of just watching it like an outsider. I guess the hope I feel now is what has always been inside me since I first started to become aware. I found my roots again. I have been away from them for so long. I am that wide-eyed happy boy I was when I first started this life journey. I am me again. What now? I have been lately looking at my life from the beginning and assessing what has taken place. This process is overwhelming in scope however I have all the facts right inside my head. So taking a page of how I would tell a story, I am forming an outline to better help me keep time lines and memories in the proper order. Unlike how I used to think, my mind is not an infallible computer. So slowly and carefully I am doing what I need to do to understand why I have done what it is I have done. I will then know how best to proceed in my present and future in building a new foundation for me to explore and make a positive difference in the time I have left in existence. This is exciting to me. I am perhaps the happiest I have been in all my life. It is amazing that despite having lost myself for so many years that I was fortunate to find myself again just in time to be me again.
Monday, May 3, 2010
I have recently come upon a circumstance that keeps repeating itself. Same person, different day, same unacceptable behaviour. Now it isn't my place to confront this person with ultimatums but I am at a point where something must be done. This is where I am different than from my past. I do not unilaterally try to correct every wrong I come across. Instead I try to reason with myself and others to gain a perspective that has good intent and consensus. There need be no rush to act in this circumstance and that is appropriate. However a decision must be made in that there are many who are being adversely affected by this one person's lack of discernment and selfish presentations. The good of the many will outweigh the hoped for good of this one. I do not feel well about having to do one unpleasant thing to avoid having to bear many unpleasant things. The time to come to an action is at hand after many attempts to ameliorate this person to the convention the rest of us honor. I will live with the unwell feeling that giving this person an ultimatum from the group will leave in me, but it is the right thing to do now. I am only saddened by the fact that we were never able to penetrate this person's core. Disappointment aside, the rest of ourselves will be better off when the misguided offerings of this person are not endured by those of us who wish to stick to the matter of our gatherings.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
This is a topic I have never tried to define down to daily practice before. I am even interested in how I will write this. lol. Courage is a conscious and unconscious display through thought and action. It is the conscious action displaying courage that I want to discuss. I can be courageous through my decision-making process. Usually courage in this way is often difficult to near impossible to implement. Why? Because it usually involves me admitting that I have been a coward in some area of my life. Not easy for me to do. I like to think that I am strong with unbelievable knowledge about the motives of my actions. The truth is I am at the whim of my ego and I know that my ego is superficial and not grounded in the honorable principles of human aspirations. I am still just selfish when my ego is guiding me. I have to look at my actions with objectivity and humility. The key being humility, for that is the path that keeps me honest with myself. I and only I know the whole truth of myself outside a higher power. My mind is the vault of memories that remind me of the limited capabilities I have shown. I know when I did not stand up and defend the best of who we are. I know when I sunk to the depths of despair and gave into acts of pure selfishness and wanton disregard for the rights of others. When in the Bible, the words of serving others as the way to finding happiness, no better words could describe how I see my present and future. This is where I get to see courage in my life.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I am so me today. What does that mean? Well it means that I am letting myself just happen in real time. I am not allowing outside pressures prod and push me toward things that are not emergency situations. I have never been happier either because of how I am letting myself grow. I may be slightly different in this respect because previously I was one who would allow myself to be defined by other people. The problem with that however is that I never felt quite real or grounded in who and what I was. I was not genuine. My peculiar method for fitting in is not a conscious decision it is just a reality of how I am. My intent and motives for how I am is pure in that there is nothing nefarious or sinister in my decisions. I am allowing the best of honorable principles to guide me in the timing that is natural and circumstantial to the experiences of my life. My growth into the best person I can become is real and not some forced or coerced product of someone else's agenda or concept of what is right for me. I am the free human with the ability to discern what is good and bad in my life. I attempt to use tact in the telling of truth so that I minimize any untoward or unintentional discomfort or harm. It is always with the telling of truth however that I establish my beginnings. I am an ever changing entity with the change being toward the better and best principles humanity has to offer. It is up to me and my timing to eventually grow toward this goal.