For too much of my life I saw the world around me with all it's problems and all it's unfairness and I just became cynical and said to myself "why bother"? Why bother with what you may ask. Well I wanted to live in a world that made sense and everyone had the best of what things could be. The naivete of my initial innocence was shattered with my growth and maturity. Not because it is normal to have one's innocence shattered but because of the hopelessness others expressed instead of a determination to make things better. I feel into the trap of pessimism and instead spent too much of my early life being selfish and perpetuating the problems that continue to surround us. I was lucky to have broken my, until then, deeply seated pattern of despair filled behavior and reconciled myself with the innocence I had lost because of it. I now see life through the eyes of the child that still lives within me and for that I am in a better place. No longer do I despair over the perpetual wrongs that exist around me instead I just make a determined effort to understand and explain them in a way that allows for me to find solutions to advocate for. I am not wallowing in cynicism looking to find what there is for me, I am rather uncaring about what is in it for me and look instead to what is in it for our species. I have a greater purpose in life and what is amazing is that by trying to do the good and right thing for all I am actually doing good for myself.
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