Saturday, June 28, 2014
The evolution of my non-conforming spiritualism (#1975)
It is time that I open up to how I have gotten to this point in my life where no formal religion makes any sense to me. I do believe in a spiritualism that permeates our Universe but nothing like what we tell ourselves over the recorded history of our generations. I started not believing in any formal religion from my early childhood onward until about my early twenties. It was then that I found religion in the form of Pentecostalism. I attended church and worshiped God Through the Assemblies of God Christian faith. I even became well informed as to our King James version of the Bible, having read it in it's entirety straight through, twice. I even began the process of becoming ordained through an online Bible college. Yet I stopped myself before completing the course. I found I was still struggling with the contradictions that I could not explain away with any sense of truthfulness. For me, it boiled down to how could a deity be both a punishing God and a forgiving God depending upon the circumstance and still be considered perfect? I have heard many answers to this but nothing aligns with my understanding of perfect. If perfect is less than what I think of as perfect then surely there are explanations that conform, but not for me since perfection is never less than amazing. So since my late 30's, I have released my idea of organized religion as representing what I feel inside of me as my spirit and have instead turned to just accepting that I am no different than anyone else because everyone else has a spirit within them just like me. What I don't know about our shared spirit is voluminous but the little I do know has to do with this existence and all that is within it. More will be revealed to me as time goes on but I sense that being open to the truth of my spiritualism, despite not knowing it's genesis, is still much further along in my progression than accepting any convenient, albeit contradictory, formal religion.