Friday, February 20, 2015

Solitary man (#2212)

Yes, this is me and apparently that is the way I like it. Everything has been up to me to do in my life and there are no excuses for me to rationally make as to why I am not in a lasting relationship. I know that when I was very young and saw all the failed relationships around me I made a pact with myself to not enter into any marriage without being absolutely in love and have love returned to me in the same way. It seems that I am still holding myself to that pact as over the years I have been in intimate relationships but none seemed to carry that simple test to fruition for me. It isn't that I had hoped they would fail, contrarily, I had given some of them more benefit when doubt was obvious. But in the end none could measure up to my hope for that pure love desire. Solitary man is now who I am and although whenever there is time left in one's life it is always possible for things to change my own perception is that I have become so set in my ways it would be near impossible for some woman to find her true love in me. Which for me tells me that the younger in life we can find what I like to see as our own soul mate the better chance we have of the lasting relationship of our desires. Although this conclusion is not what I had hoped for as an outcome when I was just that young boy who gave his thoughts to this, I am also content that I had the chance to set my course on a path that didn't fall short of it. I never wanted to be like all those I saw early in my life who married for reasons other than true love. Most all failed and the few that didn't still demand a lot angst instead of a lot of happiness. Some have found what they were looking for after some failure and for that I still find hope for myself regardless of the odds being stacked against me. However my life in the end turns out I have done what is right and if being a solitary man is my reality than so be it.

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