It is true that not allowing myself to chase after what I know is best for me personally has become second nature. However, that doesn't mean it is any less painful a feeling and knowing I won't have in my little limited life the greatest joys I could experience. I don't know when I became so resigned to letting my own ambitions in life become a lesser priority but it is this way now. I suppose it is because I have already lived the bulk of what is my life. Surely there will be regrets but taken as a whole I count myself fortunate considering many never even get a chance to experience limited success and failure. I have no illusions about any deserves or expectations that base their wants on a selfishness.
None of us is given any guarantee nor promise of a happy and content existence. Maybe that is why I work so hard to make it so somehow. Or at least more possible for all of us and not just for me. I am no hero nor great person, on the contrary, I am just sick and tired of seeing so much unfulfillment in the world. It is as if my own personal cares and desires will never reach the level of care I have about others who are denied a chance to live a full and happy life. Not that my personal desires couldn't be met but like all things, it is rare that those will come knocking on my door.
So it is and will be as long as I remain who I am. Let there no doubt either that I will not be anyone else. A lesson to learn is that sacrificing one's own desires is not a bad thing when the alternative is to fight for a better world for all of us. The self satisfaction in the principles of honor and courage can give one a sense of personal fulfillment in the vacuum of one's own lacking soulful desires. The greater risk is to have none, no personal success and no great ambition to fight for. So it is by eager default that I have taken up the flag of democracy and planted it into the soil of my own withering personal ambitions.
None of us is given any guarantee nor promise of a happy and content existence. Maybe that is why I work so hard to make it so somehow. Or at least more possible for all of us and not just for me. I am no hero nor great person, on the contrary, I am just sick and tired of seeing so much unfulfillment in the world. It is as if my own personal cares and desires will never reach the level of care I have about others who are denied a chance to live a full and happy life. Not that my personal desires couldn't be met but like all things, it is rare that those will come knocking on my door.
So it is and will be as long as I remain who I am. Let there no doubt either that I will not be anyone else. A lesson to learn is that sacrificing one's own desires is not a bad thing when the alternative is to fight for a better world for all of us. The self satisfaction in the principles of honor and courage can give one a sense of personal fulfillment in the vacuum of one's own lacking soulful desires. The greater risk is to have none, no personal success and no great ambition to fight for. So it is by eager default that I have taken up the flag of democracy and planted it into the soil of my own withering personal ambitions.
No comments:
Post a Comment