Thursday, May 12, 2016

Being comfortable in who we are (#2659)

     Lessening that nervous agitation that seems to hit us when we are in the company of others. As a teenager this used to be my state. I was unsure of who I was becoming as I continued to grow into the man I eventually became. The thing is, is this. I haven't changed from who I was back then to who I am now. My physical nature has changed but not my soul nor the goodness that was inside me. If anything, that who I was at the beginning of my life, in some ways what I chose to be through calculation, has only gotten more enhanced. I say chose because I do remember as a young child deciding to be a hero type. Someone who would help others rather than ignore them or hurt them. It was a conscious choice about who I knew I was, I just defined it to myself at that time.
     That very early age was the fork in the road for me. As time has gone by surely through my own circumstances and others influence, as well as my living environment, I got off track from time to time. I forgot who I was and eventually couldn't find my way back to my core. I got caught up in over indulging in the artificial pleasures of life, like too much alcohol and recreational drugs as a false equivalency with me being my true self. I abused those artificial remedies to the point of becoming addicted, especially to alcohol as my only way of interacting in a confident and easy going way. Instead of grounding myself in my own confidence about who I am, I cheated and grounded myself in an illusion.
     And when it came time to prove the illusion I didn't have the footing and embarrassed myself instead. Luckily, I was able to withdraw from artificial enhancements and then found myself again. I know this much, I will never lose who I am again. Of course I am older and wiser and that is helpful but what is more helpful is the knowledge that I am genuine. I tried the shortcuts in life and found them incomplete. That is the wisdom part. I am happy in my own skin now and despite my many flaws and inabilities I have never felt more confident and alive.

No comments: