I feel the same way and have actually lived that way a few times in my past. Such is the nature of not knowing full well what I needed in life. There is no handbook for us to follow in order to define who we are as humans. We can chose to be honorable people and for that there are examples, but as to defining who we are we will never be able to do that until the time comes at our end when we can look back and see who we were. Words won't suffice, our actions in total will. I don't need to know who I am, I need to do what I think and know is right based upon facts and truths. As I move through life I will live who I am because of what I think and act upon.
It isn't always pretty and often it is a bit messy but the intent of my life doesn't change. I will make mistakes and do less than I should but I won't allow myself to be stuck where I know I don't belong. I won't lie to myself in order to make something wrong, right. If I have to start over at the very end of my life I will without doubt. Because I know it is right and there are no guarantees or deserves in life if life is being lived in an honest way. Life should be fun and full of love, not a burden of incomplete and incorrect choices for us to carry.