The worst is always possible but I don't have to live in it before it is decided. That hollow gut punch feeling is going to be there regardless of my attitude so why not be hopeful? I can even draw a positive from that hollow gut punch feeling because it tells me that I still care. Emotion is more than real with me, it is part of who I am. I embrace that and when it is times like this, nearing the backside of my life when souls will be lost that I build up my hope despite eventualities. I am no Pollyanna yet I do prefer to fight hard to preserve and encourage life. I choose to let myself believe that the best will happen despite knowing it rarely does. I fight because it is all I know to do to prevent the pain of loss.
So when those doubts come floating by my mind which they inevitably do, I dismiss then as unproductive and unhelpful. They are not fuel for me to fight, they are deflating in so many ways. I don't need doubts to counter a happy reality, my own life has enough examples of loss and pain. But I do have a will that is strong and indomitable. When the fighting time is over is when I process reality, not before. In the meantime it is optimism and hope that surrounds me and the comfort and secure feeling that gives me is immeasurable.