I Promise (#29)

I haven't always been able to say that when I promised something I would keep that promise. In my past, if I broke a promise it was usually because I was being selfish. Something benefitted me enough for me to justify not keeping a promise. Recently, within the last several years, I have come to see the harm in continuing my past behavior in how I evaluated whether I should keep a promise or not. I now know the true value of "My word is my bond". A promise is a personal declaration of trust, a value I am not willing to compromise. As a commodity, trust between people is priceless. Today I will not accept any personal benefit, no matter how great, to break a promise. Like many people who have changed their behavior, an amount of time and examples of being reformed need to take place. Granted. I look forward to being a man of principle who people can know that any promise I make will always become fact without any doubt. I promise.

Anticipation (#28)

I can't think of a better adjective than delicious. Anticipation is a delicious feeling. I savor the experience. Anticipation is a feeling of excited hopefulness combined with a sought-after circumstance. Great expectations are possible when anticipation is being felt. As an emotion, anticipation is one of the great happy ones. Exhilaration also comes to mind when anticipation is realized. Not all anticipations are positive or valuable but when anticipation is felt, when a good or great event can occur, it brings a fulfillment to me. I have found that anticipation only comes to me when I have made myself vulnerable to an ideal. When I have put myself out there to effect decisions others are also involved in. Life is just too short not to take chances or risks in the best tradition of living. May all our banks of emotions be over-flowing with the commerce of anticipation.

Keep the faith (#27)

My mother and I were talking about faith the other day and she believes we all have some meassure of it in our lives. This belief of hers seems to ring true. Faith is hard to quantify in that the word itself is not restricted to religious belief systems alone. However, faith implies a trust in something and in this regard I agree with my mother. The thoughts necessary to trust reveal a premise/conclusion type synthesis within all humans with operable, cerebral cortex' and central nervous systems. If trust is the genesis to beginning to have faith then it seems to me that faith is a learned behavior. For me, faith in something is a choice by the chooser and should be solely by the chooser. I have myriad examples of trust that proved fruitful and right. Given this history of trust I respect, and my not knowing a lot about ANY one thing, the following has evolved in my life. I now have a faith in a order beyond me. What that means in my daily life is still being determined, but that it has actually happened is a paradigm shift in how I view how to live my life. Mostly I don't have to know what to do I need to know what not to do.

Getting to know me (#26)

Good morning whoever is out there, I have less thoughts on practical matters and more thoughts involving emotional ones. For whatever reason I am feeling sensitive today about how I feel within me, about me. I have been just sitting back and letting the feelings course through me without attempting to interfere with them. I don't know how my feelings are triggered in me but I do know they are real and deserving of my attention and respect. It is my conviction that experiencing the emotions in my life is what helps define my life. Over time I am becoming very aware of how I actually feel about what or whom. This progressing path of insight helps me to handle the circumstances life will continue to put in my way. I am also pleased that I am paying attention to the events that are happening in my life right now. This reinforces my determination to not only stay but focus on my present situation regardless of past trappings or future lures.

Free Flow (#25)

This post is somewhat a continuation of yesterdays writing. Centrally, about remaining in the present. Free flow is how I see myself today in living my life. My mind is being allowed only to think about the things that I am presently dealing with. Another way of saying this is I am not allowing myself to "future trip" or in another way I am not calculating my future. It is my hope that my future is best left to the actions of my past and present life. I can't change my past, but I can make my present represent me as best as I care to do. I care a lot and I am consciously giving myself the best opportunities to express this. I have been, in the past, more likely to calculate what and how I feel, think and react to circumstances I might encounter. My focus now, in the present, is to feel, think and react on the principled instincts I hold dear. Trusting that the free flow of who I am and want to be will surface and define my existence. I like who I am today and hope that the proof of this will positively influence all those that come into my life.

One thing at a time. (#24)

Keeping track of many events and desires in my life with continuity is much easier to say then it is to put into practice. I try so very hard to keep my thinking right here in the present time. This staying in the present, is not how I allowed myself to become who I am with any consistency. I had assumed that I could keep the past, present and future all coordinated in a clear understandable way. Maybe I started out that way but I have no memories of that actually occuring. So to disentangle my desires from my memories and my actions requires me to pause and reorganize. Now, I can only stay focused on what I am doing today and let some days go by so I can get a gauge on what I want for my life. What I think and feel today is what is actually going on in my life. I've discovered that I am true to who I am more often. Who I am is what I allow myself to be based on my moral, ethical, legal and logical compass. There is one more factor in my make-up, a very huge entity I call "I don't know". This entity is the answer to why all things are. What I do know is that I am NOT this entity. Knowing that I am not the entity I write about takes a lot of pressure off me. I don't even pretend to know more than anyone else, or nearly as much as any one else. I find that I am more who I am if I don't try to be something or someone I'm not. I just keep doing one thing at a time and occasionally look up and see how much I have accomplished. How anyone views me is pointless, how I view myself is the point. My goal is to have what I need in my life by just doing one thing at a time.

Decisions (#23)

My recently deceased friend Chuck used to say to me "hard telling not knowing". I will always "know" that his description of uncertainty is timeless. Patience, is a pause in time, which allows for unknown factors to reveal themselves in an understandable way. To hold off on decisions when not enough information is available, is wise and prudent. However some decisions must be made due to time constraints. These decisions often involve a gut feeling for which intuitiveness, or a lack of, determine the decision. My fear is that at some point in my life I will be responsible to make a life or death decision that carries consequences beyond my own life into those of others. I attempt to continue learning in the hope that I will be better prepared for most any dire contingency. Always my motivation, when making a decision, is for the betterment of humanity and by extension everything good in existence.

Solar System Life (#22)

Today I would like to think about something I won't be around to experience. The future should include human exploration and colonization of our solar system. What this will look like is still uncertain. Some things about its make-up are somewhat clear. Bases that are either in orbit or on the habitable spheres where possible. The problem of time must be addressed so as to allow for travel between these accumulated outposts. Once a solution for traveling between "solar cities" is arrived at then the problems of long term life-support and scientific exploration and experimentation towards industry may take root. I bring this subject up because it is the natural extension of our natures, to wonder about and explore that which we can examine. The solar system should be the next logical progression in the minds of most humans who become bored or restless with not learning something new.

Ethical Work (#21)

A perspective on the idea of work or, more clearly, the action of working. No human being is given the inalienable right of survival without contributing to existence in one form or another. I suppose life would be easier if no one was required to barter in some form, for the sustenance necessary for survival. The concept of work allows for the exchange of needs to be met. It is through work that a self-satisfying achievement process may flourish. I see work through a dual objectivity. First, work is needed to maintenance our existing society; Second, work should have a focused progression toward our futures limitless possibilities. What work should not be is an ulterior, or bold faced, form of undue influence, manipulating through duress, coercion or misrepresentation. What work should be is a gratification of accomplishment, a sense of being a part of a greater good for all. Work has advanced our society and our psyche to varying degrees. It is my hope that work will continue to evolve into the process most beneficial to the good fortunes of Earth and all its inhabitants.

A Reflection on Life (#20)

The line that separates life from death can be obvious at times. My lifelong friend Jimmy just lost his dad to cancer a couple of days ago. I knew Jimbo for the last forty three years as a kind but rough individual. As a friend passes from our world the line that is crossed becomes much clearer to me. For me the line is piano wire thin and as fragile as a newborn baby. My respect for life is cautionary when I see how easily it can be taken away. Life is not a right, it is a miracle beyond all comparisons. How I came into being will, perhaps, always be a mystery to me. However cautionary I am about my own life I do understand how I must live it. It may seem cavalier of me to draw a line in the sand as to why I would be willing to sacrifice my life, but to me it isn't. I have been privileged to know that my compassion along with the concept of good, at times, may dictate to me such a sacrifice. I don't look for any opportunities to prove this but I do appreciate that " the good of the many outweighs the good of the one." The nobility of honor is a worthy credo to pattern one's ever tenuous, fragile life. May we all be so bold. Man of Hope.

Responsibility for Choices (#19)

The principle of, (for every action there is an equal reaction), appears through my personal experience to be valid. In my younger, formative years I learned this lesson frequently. Many times I tried something to benefit myself only to find out I caused someone else a cost. When I decide on a decision today it isn't a cost/benefit analysis with me always the beneficiary. It is about how my decision affects others, not just me. In moving from often being selfish, to more selfless, I have found an equilibrium between giving and receiving. In other words, my actions are now predicated on how I can be an example of honor and conviction. My inner pride in becoming the man of my hopes is closer to being realized. The satisfaction of knowing, that I don't have to have, even less than all, is an insight of significant value. I take the responsibilty for choices in my life and I am determined that there will be less cost and more benefit to all. I have reached a point in my growth where, more often than not, personal sacrifice equals personal satisfaction.

Protocol for Living (#18)

Our human species has been gifted with sensory perceptions unique when paradigmed with our reasoning abilities. These learned, inherent and instinctual qualities give us an unparalled advantage of forward thinking. Given that we, collectively, control our destinies, how is it that we have not evolved our society beyond its incongruent present form? The answer to this question is: our struggle against our worst characteristics has, until recent centuries, been ineffective. I will continue to maintain that the human qualities of compassion, curiosity and survival instincts are the fulfillment of our existence. The denial of these qualities by ourselves, on and to ourselves, fosters the negative aspects of our humanity. We get to choose, at any time from now until the end of our existence, when we want to effect the philosophical change necessary to advance the protocol for living our human existence and forwarding that to the future. Man of Hope.

Communication (#17)

I find that when I talk or write, to many people in the course of my day, that my day feels like it has actually been lived. I have had days when I did not speak or write to anyone and felt as if the day had no depth to it. I enjoy a quiet life now that I am older but I also know there is a price being paid for my quiet time. As much as I avoid chaos or unecessary drama, I must be careful not to exclude normal or regular contact with old friends or new acquaintences. It is easy to shy away from the give and take of society. I find myself going for the easy and comfortable way subconsciously. This is a trap for me, If life isn't making me feel some degree of discomfort then I am not learniing or helping in some way. An awareness of what I am doing is crucial in why I am communicating when I do. The intent of my communicating is to better my life and those lives around me. It is also to continue to be human and stay in contact with other humans; something I find to be an absolute necessity in a world in short supply of absolutes.

A Purpose beyond Humanity? (#16)

Does a thing exist such as, a purpose, beyond human involvement or any other living species? Beyond creationism or evolution is there another possible consideration for existence of all things? I like to think that every thought has a connection with every other thought. Primarily because we all seem to share the similar ability to at least think. If I premise a new understanding on this simple beginning maybe another view is possible. Interconnectedness is my most logical next step. If Interconnectedness is viable then what could follow is a single entity that we are all a part of. If all of us are we, in one complex form, then it means that we are timeless and not given to proportion of describable shape. If we are timeless then we must exist before we are born and after we are dead. I took the liberty to follow a single line of thought to move my premise of Interconnectedness along in one particular vein of reasoning. I don't assume to conclude any theory based upon a single line of reasoning, however I do wish to provoke thought outside the normal and familiar patterns of thinking. Because I am given to thinking outside normal lines of acceptance, this shows that the normal lines of acceptance are not satisfying enough to me for me not to question them. When I started writing this particular posting this morning I did not know what I was going to write about. It is amazing what this medium does to stimulate my thoughts.

A Valentine Wish (#15)

The freedom of spirit allows for feelings or emotions to emerge that at times can bring about a warm smile. My spirit is lifted today because I allow myself to learn and know what my feelings are. I believe it is bold to move beyond stereotypes of allowable behavior. Some men and women are taught to keep emotion within them and not express it. A reason that men do this is to keep an aura of machismo and women to protect themselves from lascivious and deceitful men. Regardless of the motive of this superficially outdated strategy, masking emotion has no place in an enlightened future. Men and women need to trust their instincts, by learning their own emotions, well enough to discern their honor and safety. Valentines day gives me an opportunity to reflect on how proud I am of my ability to stand tall for my principles of conviction. I only hope that growth in becoming a better man I, who must defend against any type of character assault, will continue to build a better me. May we all become an example of humanity at its finest! My Valentine wish. Man of Hope.

Mentality of Entitlement (#14)

I have seen many examples of a mentality of, I am entitled to this because it's my right. How does this mindset argue its validity? I have heard reasons such as I was born here, I was here first, I thought of it first, my ancestors fought and won this for me, my government should protect it for me and other assorted assertions of entitlement. My experience tells me that the only sense of entitlement I should consider as valid is the one where I confess that I worked for it and my cofession is true. My efforts and energies have secured this entitlement for myself. Even at that I am subject to the whims of nature and unforeseen stresses of societal changes. I am not speaking of entitlement programs of government assistance; rather some unknown idea that no one else should be able to have what I claim for myself because I have some higher calling to it, based on some of the reasons I have already given. A person who does employ a mentality of entitlement, by my understanding is employing a method of less than honorable motives. Which suggests a condescension toward hard work and vigorous effort.

Conviction (#13)

The dictionary describes conviction in this sense, "a strong persuasion". This is the definition I am writing about. It isn't always easy to know what to do sometimes. My experiences have taught me to think carefully and with time, before I move ahead with putting a decision to action. When I do though it is because I am confident that I have considered other possibilities and found them unsuitable as answers to my forwarding a solution. I will always make mistakes in decisions I make, but not because I didn't think them through and try other ways. I always appreciate any advice I get whether I ask for it or not, hoping it is always given in the spirit of objectivity and honesty. Remembering that one persons view of objectivity and honesty come from their view, not necessarily from all views or my view. I do the best I can with decisions I make, presenting them with a conviction; based on what I perceive is best for me and just as equally what is best for those my decision affects. The conviction of my decisions have more to them than a rash rush or ill intentioned logic. My convictions are not perfect but they are the best I have.

The arrogance of ego (#12)

My personal observation on this phenomenon, arrogance of the ego, is shaped by my lack of knowledge. Yes, my lack of knowledge. In what I don't know; I realize that my ego is the most selfish component of my sub-conscious reasoning. It is the survival tool that satisfies my sense of worthiness. Is this bad? Is this necessary? What should I do about this theory I ascribe to? Well, I know that I feel that the arrogance of my ego is bad for me in that it gives me a false sense of fulfillment. If I allow the arrogance of my ego to advance, it narrows the options available to me in being a better me. As far as it being necessary, the question is yes or no based on the strength of my character. I would hope that my character is strong enough to do without an arrogant ego. Just knowing that I am limited in knowledge and the complexities of universal truths, I am trying to constantly remind myself that I have no right or expectation to present myself as anything more than a man who is filled with compassion and curiousity with a desire to survive.

Higher Priorities (#11)

For all my personal trials I am certainly aware that a greater concern than myself is the country, and its inhabitants, that I live in. Without this American society to flourish in; my insignificant musings would be of little knowing. Perhaps that I have been fortunate enough to reside in this great country I have lost sight of the fact of its precious opportunities. Struggle to obtain and maintain these opportunities has been my experience. Not always remembering to see that in my vision for my and our collective futures; I fall back to my own fallabilities of somehow deserving something I consider my due. Again I prove my humanity in its less than desireable form. I have not taken the time to focus on higher priorities as much as I should. My "feelings" truly are subordinate to practices that require prices to be paid in blood and tears. It seems like everyday I am having to either apologize for my thoughtlessness or privately admonish myself for insensitivity to perils beyond my bruised but otherwise healthy heart. It still amazes me how I am and more than likely will remain my own harshest critic. Such is the progression of growth I am learning in my feeble attempt to be a better man. The Man of Hope.

A new day (#10)

I want to start by apologizing for my uncomfortable semi-public demonstration of emotion yesterday and hope that I will be forgiven. I am definitely human and given to showing some emotion when I am strongly moved by it. I am looking forward now toward a future still brimming with promise. The clarity of my vision for my future is not the destiny I hoped for but nonetheless an event now more wrapped in exciting expectant mystery. Man of Hope is my blog name but also my enduring spirit; so what the future holds will come to be my destiny. Trying to understand how my days will be lived through the lens of my new claim to a future is yet to be determined. I trust as the days continue, the consistency of my life will take the form that is healthy for me and inclusive of those who care enough about me to want to find a way to stay in my life. A new day indeed!


"What we obtain to cheap, we esteem to lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value..." Thomas Paine was right and I intend to follow his sound advice.

What to do with love (#9)

What to do with a love for a woman that I have been given is my dilemna for today. She does not feel the same for me but what I do with the gift I have for her needs a solution. I didn't put this feeling in my heart and I don't know how to get it out; if my heart has any chance to heal. I know that time always helps lessen the effects of emotional senses, however this sensation is overwhelming my ability to breathe. How powerful binds are that could tie us together. I am having some difficulty being objective about my situation but I am going to try because that seems to help me confront an answer. Let me be clear this is my problem and no one else's. It's an emotion within me brought about by my own observations and attractions. So therefore as much as I am lucky to have felt such a beautiful love for a woman my health has to be priority one and whatever course I take to allow myself to move on has to take two forms. First I need to find my ability to breathe properly and second all due care and respect for the subject of my love must be respected and protected. After all this all happened to her without her encouraging this in any way. Thanks for your reading this and maybe understanding why I will be doing what I must do for myself from here on out. Still the man of hope.

Companionship (#8)

I hope that everyone who can has someone they can talk to about things that they would never share with anyone else. I have been very fortunate to have found a friend who knows me because I had opened up and told her what was in my heart. She actually cares enough about me to try to help me understand things about what I feel that I was having trouble figuring out. Tremendous advice like don't do anything stupid. Actually I agree with her and forced myself to concentrate on what reactions would actually be stupid. However things turn out I know that my friend cares about my well being. Friends are truly a gift and special friends are just as dear as any family member. I hope my wishes and your wishes come through for all of us but hope is only one part of what needs to be done. The next part is having an intelligent conviction to follow the hope with, when necessary, sound advice from a companion, friend or advisor who has your wishes or dreams at the center of their heart where your's is at the center of you.

Priorities (#7)

Patience is easier to say or write than it is to practice. I have been fortunate to understand when I am feeling impatient and pause long enough to allow myself to stop whatever momentum I have been moved by. Sometimes its important for me to quit pressing for a perfect solution to my activities and accept whatever less than perfect outcome is possible. Now understand in matters of high sensitivity nothing less than perfect is acceptable. An example would be to stop how I care for someone when that sense of care is from my heart, to stop would be to deny my heart its natural order. That would be unacceptable. In cases of high sensitivity where patience is demanded it will be given in total so as to complete the natural order of the special gift of a feeling I experience in my heart. Knowing when to distinguish the practice of patience is an individual decision and should always be made with an inner search as to the necessity of having a perfect outcome.

Living with a purpose (#6)

Nothing special just taking care of my responsibilities and trying to make my world better. It has been satisfying to be an improving agent instead of a moot point. This really goes to me being less selfish on a moment by moment basis. By being satisfied I feel it through my emotional, mental and physical senses. My ethics are now starting to live up to my own expectations for myself. It is not easy staying in the present, it requires a focus that is not natural to me through practice. However practice is my method for attaining a continual present state. When I sleep at night I am truly tired from having to be aware of my moment by moment actions. How lucky I am to at least have a plan in my life that attempts to improve my life thus allowing me to help others who may need me when they truly need me. I feel now that I am living with a purpose. Please feel free to make any comment that strikes you through what I may invoke in your thoughts concerning what you read.

Central America (#5)

The human spirit is alive and well despite the present difficulties we face on the economic front. I have been honored to know a man who exudes principles of the higher reasoning we humans strive to gain and present in our own personal ways. Freedom to pursue opportunities that should be universal higher ideals isn't practiced on our planet with equality. Who deserves and who doesn't isn't always easy to have to decide. In America a price was paid in our revolution from Britain. Americans have earned their freedom through the principles allied with liberty. Not so with other geographic areas that are still to this day under the seige of less than instead of as equal to. My heart goes to those who would so want what we have to the point of jeopardizing their personal survival. What a precious reality we Americans should represent. My friend is now more than friend, he is my brother whom I would sacrafice for as surely I would for the mother who birthed me or the woman I love. My path of transcending my previous selfishness is moving forward.

My nephew Casey (#4)

My nephew came by today and spent a little time with me today. I was happy to see him. He occasionally calls me to say hello and once in a while comes by to visit. Casey and I share the same birthday so we have this unusual extra bond. My brother Jim, Casey's dad passed about five years ago so I hope to be a better uncle than before Jim's passing. His mother, my sister in law is battling cancer in a way that is both admirable and determined. I see my nephew and how he is as a human being and am so proud to be in his life. He is only 26 years old but much more mature than that. I guess the lesson I am learning today is maybe my nephew has learned to be a better nephew to his uncle. It would not surprise me since his greatest strength appears to come from his heart.

Make-up for 3rd day (#3)

I missed blogging yesterday for no good reason. Maybe because I had nothing formulate in my mind worthy of wasting your time with. Or I just didn't remember to take the time when I did think of blogging. Or- see how my mind works, kind of confusing when I total up all my or's. Yesterday was another good day in that nobody in my immediate circle had any disasters to deal with. I have come to appreciate quiet and peacefulness with not dull but with how satisfying. This is for yesterday and later today will be for today. I enjoy this blogging stuff!

2nd day (#2)

Today was a good day in that I was reminded that the people in my life have so much knowledge and offer such great insights. I never seem to know where the next piece of insight is coming from but it does keep coming. Dumb down to get smarter is the same as don't assume but listen and learn. I am happy I figured out how to do this blog it is a lot like keeping a daily journal or diary of my perceptions of importance. I hope that someone will eventually read my postings and find some positive connection or comfort. Writing this makes me feel good and the man of hope wishes for all to feel equally or better.