The fear within me (#182)

Life for me is one big bang. I am so funny sometimes. I want something in my life but yet I fear having it in my life. I guess committing to something is not easy to do regardless of how right and good it is. The new and unexpected have a way of making me anxious and a little fearful. One thing I have going for me though is my history with these types of situations. In almost every circumstance, once I had received something into my life I found out that I don't know how I lived or survived without it before I got it. It is that time after I realized a desire and the time before actually getting it that seems to be an anxious time for me. So my point is that growth, in my life, doesn't seem to come naturally. Despite this awareness about myself, I am still able to push past any lingering doubts about a desire because deep down in my heart and soul my desire is greater and has a completely good motive. Courage to continue to grasp for the right in my life is not as simple as recognizing right it is also defeating the doubts I have about my own sense recognition. Usually the doubts are ridiculous and easily categorized as such, but other times the doubt can be deceiving and complex. At these times I search my heart for the emotion and the need to be fulfilled in my life and that in itself will show me whether or not the doubts are real or fear based. I am my own meter on these things in my life but I also talk to others if only to hear the conviction in my voice and ring of the truth of the words I say. The only service I give to doubt in my life is that it makes me dig deep within myself to validate what I am desiring for me and others in my life.

My life is where my heart is (#181)

I am so glad to finally recognize that it is alright for me to be who I am. I am free to express my informed opinion in a humbled way and also to act on my principles in a continuing constructive way. I am now living through the goodness of my heart. Most of my thoughts are now viewed through that prism. I used to see whatever my mood would allow me when it lined up with whatever benefited me the most. I don't like who I was years ago, but I have not stayed who I was either. We all get to grow and move on in our existences at the pace necessary for us to find true peace in our lives. The key to the change in me has been the courage to accept that my expression of me is as worthy as any expression out there that I can compare me with. I used to feel inferior and needy of smarter counsel and guidance. Those days are behind me. I know now that all life is a gift no matter how we, as humans, evaluate each other. We are all equally important and capable of contributing in our own special ways. Where I have found the solace and peace in my life is within my heart. I truly care about our species as well as all other species, but especially the human race. My heart, which is where my best emotions are residing, dictates the actions I need to make concerning most every subject I am in contact with. I embrace the fact that my heart truly filters how I feel about the mundane and extra special moments of my life. My heart is what makes me who and what I am period. I am very happy for this knowledge I have of myself.

The best of ourselves (#180)

The day when everyone can recognize the utter wastefulness of selfishness is the day when we, as a society, will have advanced from the animalistic tendencies of our genesis to a higher evolution of our potential. We have so much more to evolve toward, being stuck within the confines of, as Hobbes would put it"...nasty and brutish..." stage, our current paradigm. I refuse to hear the echoes of the past that believe well enough is good enough. Justice demands that we, as a society of thinking, rational human beings, continue to search and implement processes that grow from our our general foundation of belief in goodness. If I ever catch myself believing that we have become all that we can be I will no doubt have fallen prey to a lesser human that I aspire to be and the shame of that will be all mine. When I lose the courage to confront ideas that would destroy the concept of humanity that I believe to be the true humanity of all humans, that being compassion and curiosity with the will to survive, will be the day I pray to God to forgive me of my sin of knowingly being a coward instead of the strong defender of life that I hope I will always remain until I die. My sentinel vigilance is my inner strength in protecting life from selfishness as a way of life and it's abhorrent odor of greed. Ambition is admirable, but ambitions' actions must seek to find a way of expression that holds to principles of honor and inclusion for the purpose of betterment not self-indulgence. We must never again go back to the days where we view ourselves as lesser or greater than we are. We are different and unique to all of existence. That is the beauty of the human race. We are all magnificent and humble all at the same time.

Responsibility for our growth (#179)

We must each take responsibility for our own personal growth. When we set out from our parents on our own we must start the process of accepting responsibility for our actions and the circumstances that affect us. We are, at the point of adulthood, the caretakers of our own lives. It is an awesome responsibility and must be undertaken with careful evaluation of how we wish our lives to be expressed. The reality of society is as a function of security and liberty. Society's purpose is to allow us to live full lives through age and opportunities. When we take stock of our hopes and wishes and apply them through the boundaries of society we have the chance to find rewarding and satisfying moments that when added up at the end of our lives prove to be the most precious moments of our lives. Material wealth can have an appeal to most people in that it takes from our lives the economic uncertainty that most of us experience. However, as a goal for life, wealth is just a component of a much larger event. That being the participation in our and other's lives which satisfies a deeper desire to be accepted by our fellow humans. To be connected to other humans in a positively principled way allows us the emotional outlet wealth has no jurisdiction over. Our own personal growth is achieved in a grand way when we start by being influenced by virtuous principles and grow into the virtuous principles day by day until they become who we are.

True and consistent (#178)

I am thinking of a particular instance in my life that reminds me that, to be true to myself and consistent about it, I must never lose hope in that area. Doubt has it's ability to permeate me from many angles and does so in the form of failure and victory. Doubt is like air, it is everywhere all at once. To combat doubt, I must realize what I feel and know about me in all things that I do. If what I feel and know is true about me, then time will be the arbiter of those facts. They will be exposed to the world through my actions and statements. If I wear my reality with a comfort that fits with natural ease, then I know who I am is as true to what I feel as I can know. The overwhelming sense from different sources have at times attempted to influence how I see my world, this is where doubt can have it's greatest influence. I must never relinquish my right to be me. Sometimes the easier way to letting go of my passion for something or someone is to trade it for an alternative reality. In other words give up my desire for a different one. I have done this in the past when I did not stand for a principled life. Those days of bending to someone else's will are over for me. If I must suffer the indignity of my reality in the eyes of others so be it. I must always remain true and consistent to who and what I am.

No negative thoughts (#177)

I can imagine my world, with what is left with my time here in existence, having never to think a negative thought again. I know that right now I am unable to achieve this but I see how I can. Sometimes I forget how wonderful life is and when it is not, I find myself resenting the part that isn't wonderful. What I must always continue to remember is that life is actually very hard and the wonderful times are a gift. I am fortunate to be alive and in a position to have some control over my destiny. Most humans don't have this good fortune. My perspective must remain on the notion that there are no guarantees, no deserves, no hopes or wishes that I can command into being. I have found that I am a happy person down in my soul where my core of life is. From this happy place I can achieve my goal to never think a negative thought. Now, I know that I can't control my thoughts as they come and go without me having time to dis-formulate them before they formulate. I know this, yet I believe that through the practice and diligence of stopping any negative thought as soon as I recognize it, that eventually negative thoughts will begin to fade from my old pattern of thinking. A new pattern of thinking will hopefully emerge, with no room for looking at what's wrong or what's counterproductive, and dominate my mental landscape with thoughts that see what's right and focus on what can make those right thoughts even better where possible. The force of my will is behind this idea. I know that I am human and cannot sustain much momentum solely on force of will but, with effort to attempt to, I can go as far as my mental toughness will allow me, one day at a time.

What the day will bring (#176)

I never can say for sure what my day will be like since I have made myself available to others when they might need me. I have not always been available to people. In the past I was content to spend my time away from others instead of involving myself in their lives. Today is different, because I understand how important human interaction is in keeping me balanced and with a better perspective on life in general. Part of who I am is to be involved with others. I have found that out by trying to do the opposite and nearly ruining my present and future. I am at my best when I am available to speak and listen when conversation is directed at me and from me. I know I need to be in the mix of human exchange as necessarily as I need air to breathe. I am happy to have reconciled within myself the basic notion that being a participant of human exchange is fulfilling and rewarding. At times I still need time for myself to recharge and to reflect on those things which need my personal attention. But, when I can be available to be a positive influence in some-one's life then I am so appreciative to have that opportunity. It not only allows me to do something for someone else but the feeling I get is a value that I can never put a price to. My nature is being fulfilled when I am exhibiting the traits of higher and highest human traits through action.

Just another day today (#175)

I am pleased to be involved in just another day in my life. Starting my day with the same recognition that it is a gift to be alive has been a revelation to how my life has become. Three years ago today I quit drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. It is both embarrassing and a source of pride all rolled together. Embarrassing in that it took me up to age fifty to finally put down the harmful compounds of tobacco and alcohol. A sense of accomplishment in that at the age of fifty I was able to put down the compounds of tobacco and alcohol. A dual realization of my frailty and strength all rolled up together. Perhaps it is as it should be, life in it's complexity has few non-interconnected singular outcomes. The two-sided coin of my three year abstinence will be acknowledged tomorrow at a special meeting designed for those of us who daily fight the good fight to stay in a sober state of mind. Coincidentally, the marking of my anniversary's passage will be commemorated with a three-year coin. We measure time in order to facilitate comparative schedules. Time allows us to pause and reflect at given intervals and this, today, is one for me. Although time does signify milestones, the continuation of my behavior and cognition that has evolved over the last three years, it is also constantly moving forward in much the same manner that my new way of life is and with my greatest hope will continue to do. Thank you all who have been a part of my discovering a far superior way of life.

The hold of the ego (#174)

The ego is transformed from our minds into action through events which would belittle us. When I am put under stress by events, I naturally attempt to protect myself or control something or someone else. My ego is the lingering effect of my thinking that I have the answer to a problem. At times, my mind tries to tell me that I am in control or should be in order to justify that I have worthiness. The lack of confidence within myself makes it sometimes necessary to forward my thought as the only possible solution to a problem. If I fail to seize the mantel of control then it signifies, in my mind, that I am insignificant and a failure as the type of person I wish to be recognized as. My ego has gotten me into so many situations where I have had to apologize or deny fault. My problem with my ego stems from the idea that what anyone thinks about me should be controlled by me. Instead of enjoying life and it's pleasures I had tended to manipulate the outcome and felt nothing but the stress of doing that. There are still times when I catch myself allowing my ego to dictate my actions when I am under stress or pressure from other forces. It is at these times that I find other ways of looking at my life and force myself to smile and tell myself that this is just another day in my life that is complicated but eventually workable with time. The abolition of my ego isn't what I want to accomplish, however keeping my ego tightly checked in it's place is what I wish to always be aware of doing.

Personal relationships (#173)

I was in a Denny's restaurant in San Jose this morning when a couple came in waiting to be seated. From the booth I was sitting in I had a direct sight line on them and could not help but notice that after just a little bit they began to embrace and smooch. Normally an embrace and smooch in public like this was is over within a couple of moments, however this embrace and smooch lasted about five minutes and was performed with such vigor that I was somewhat mesmerized by their affection for each other. A young-and-in-love kind of display. I was transfixed by their actions into memories of myself when I knew the strong emotion of love and was loved back with the same ferocity I was feeling. I so admire the cocoon of love between two people. I don't have that right now but I wish I did. Finding that kind of attraction for someone is an ultimate hope worthy of my constantly being on the look-out for. Very few things in life raise my emotions to a level of extreme joy like sharing love with someone. It is such an odd dilemma for me in finding someone who would have the inner desire that would match mine. Is it just luck in finding the right person? Has fate already decreed it's solution? I can only keep my hopes up and continue to believe that someone is still out there who is my true soul-mate. What a great event that will be when I can display the same type of embrace that I saw in the restaurant this morning.

Survival to progress (#172)

This one concept has been the descriptive element in keeping humanity in existence. I have not written much on the concept except to say that it, along with compassion and curiosity, is the fundamental trait that drives humanity at it's core being. The need to survive is overwhelming. It is as powerful as any natural force experienced within existence to date. In my own life the examples of it are many. Most common of it's apparitions are through the emotion of fear. Being afraid to die can make me want to abandon all that I hold dear in order to survive. When Patrick Henry was quoted as saying "Give me liberty or give me death." He transcended the normal reaction of fear of death by the conviction that tyrannical rule was worse than death. The nobility of a conscious decision to sacrifice one's life in order to advance a cause or societal change goes to the principled idealism we as a species have begun to inculcate into our civilized progression. The survival of oneself and of the human species as a whole is ingrained and natural. We struggle to birth, we struggle for resources to survive, we struggle against those who would take our lives through force. The diametric of our struggle to survive with our insistence to give our lives for a principled stance is the natural osmosis of our animal bodies melding with our maturing civilized conclusions. Survival, with compassion and curiosity, is the key for all of us to continue toward bettering our futures and our next generation's futures.

Don't be afraid to think for yourself. (#171)

When I was young I was lead to believe that I needed others to think for me. For others to create their opinion for me as mine. Subjects were just to complicated and I needed the benefit of their knowledge so that I could have the best or right opinion. As I have gotten older I have slowly come to realize that others' opinions were just that, their opinion, not mine. I realized that I was not as under-informed about ideas and issues as I was lead to believe. There is some fear also in presenting my own opinion since being critiqued can be a real bummer. So, in order to protect myself I could always use the disclaimer that the opinions I expressed were held by eminent scholars or politicians of unquestionable thoroughness of thought. What a big load of hooey. Whether I am acceptable or not in my own opinions is moot, the only thing that matters is that I honestly try to consider my principles and understandings and stand behind them. I am also obligated to change my opinions when different facts previously unconsidered enter into the discussion. I am flexible when I see the error in any judgement I have held regardless if it means I must admit that I made an incorrect judgement. In fact, I will always make some incorrect judgement solely by the fact that I am human and errors are a way of life for all of us by our very natures. Today, I refuse to be told what to think, I am always open to being taught how to think for myself.

Another beautiful day on the planet (#170)

I was in Southern California recently and was privileged to drive through the wind farm outside Palm Springs. Wow, what a marvel of man-made creation. While I was driving, I was enjoying the majesty of nature before I came upon the wind farm, then to have the sight of it within the panorama of nature was humbling. I am so honored to live on a planet that is so vast and full of sensory splendor. The addition of human architecture in some ways has added to the beauty and awesomeness nature has already supplied. To give an example of the scope of the wind farm outside Palm Springs, I use the wind farm at Altamont Pass. Altamont Pass has an impressive electricity gathering wind farm but is not half the wind farm at Palm Springs. Our future is upon us when I physically see these erected feats of human engineering. The promise of humanity's future is witnessed by these structures which are not monuments to some political/theological ideal but are purposed to harness the magnificent powers of our incredible planet. The tangible benefits from wind are being realized on a scale that can become substantial contributors to the energy needs for a society moving into the ever expanding paradigms of technology and scientific evolution. This planet of ours is unique in that it offers us life and a means to create and generate a destiny that is both intelligent and humanitarian. What a marvelous existence I feel today on our beautiful planet.

The inspiration of benevolence (#169)

Why do some people care about the welfare of others with no obvious reason? What is their motivation? Isn't there some purpose to their actions? I am finding that indeed there is a motive for being more selfless than selfish. It is an emotional/sensory one. The human trait of compassion toward each human is nurtured through any process that enables any of us toward betterment of each of our futures. We must find ways to correct injustice from our present society and being benevolent is a way to build toward a pattern of positive action and good feeling. Not all will accept a hand for help without manipulating or abusing the gesture, but that should never deter an overall effort for continuing positive action to benefit others in ways that would not be available without our individual help. The structure of all societies since recorded history have all fallen short of the ideal of full and complete egalitarian processes. The very nature of all societies so far have been unable to keep class distinctions from happening. We seem to find ways to separate ourselves from some of us and not from others of us. Nothing in history has found a way to keep class distinctions from evolving. The mindset that allows us to distinguish one person from another must be reinvented toward a more correct evaluation. We are all special and have something to offer to each other in forms that need the respect and understanding of a society that has eliminated the ills of elitism and other prejudicial thoughts born from selfish desires. As great as the potential for humanity to be a beacon of what a life-force can be, we still have many huge leaps in social thought and behavior to attain and being aware of this is the first step toward our eventual benevolent existence.

The importance of education (#168)

So many times I have found myself in conversation with a younger person who is attentive to my opinion or outlook on a variety of subjects. I consider this to be an honor to communicate my limited knowledge when it is called upon. I am also reminded that my own continuing education is required and necessary if I wish to offer any worthwhile perspective. It is vital that I show respect to those I communicate with by being objective and open about the subject matter that is being discussed at the time. For my part, passing on the knowledge I have filtered through my lifetime, is just one more viewpoint to be judged against many others. That is what I hope to do all of the rest of my life. My legacy will be my individual perspective on the subjects that I offer to others. I have as my greatest wish, my most desired hope for the future, the continued growth of the human species into an example of animal and intellect combining to master those inherent problems of human self. To create a universe rich in principles of individual expression marked by honor, justice, love and equality defined by individual opportunity for all on an equal basis. All of the space that now confines us will eventually become the initial boundary-, [a discussion of (initial boundary) and my meaning for this idea will be discussed in a future posting] -humanity will be limited to and inhabited by. As our abilities grow toward that end we must persevere to fill in our knowledge constantly and with humility so that life in the future will have the opportunity to grow further into an egalitarian/principled society. What I discuss with others now hopefully will be the next link that they discuss with there younger generation and so on and so on.

A short long journey (#167)

Today I will write about the work schedule I have for the next few days. I will be traveling and working down from Sacramento to Fresno, Ontario then Palm Springs then possibly back to Fresno then home to Sacramento, tentatively. I am grateful for the opportunity to earn some money in an economy in California whose unemployment rate is hovering around 12% at this time. For those of you who don't know how old I am, I will be 54 next month on the 20th. The reason I mention this is that I have learned enough knowledge and have added experience in doing some construction work, but mostly supervisory of construction work, to allow me to go to cities where calculations of construction work is needed. My limited ability is considered valuable enough for me to maintain frequent enough opportunities to maintain a simple lifestyle for me and my two animals. My brother-in-law Hart is going with me on this trip to help with the tasks at hand and I appreciate his help and company. We should accomplish our tasks within 48 hours. That means we will be on the road for most of the time just traveling between the cities we need to visit. I will have my computer on since I have an electrical adapter for the truck and an air card for internet connections. I plan on enjoying this trip and doing excellent work when I do anything that needs my constructive attention. This is one of the most different type of posting I have made on my blog since I started it back on January 31st. But then again I need to change up my writings occasionally in order to get a sense of where I am at with my blog and where I want to continue to go with it. Thanks for the few of you who actually read my musings. I will have another installment of my road trip tomorrow at some point, so until then fare thee well and all that goes with that.

It is alright to be a human being (#166)

No more pretending, that's a hard one, no more putting on "airs", put the daily masks away, it is time to just be. Yes, just be, a human that is. Not something you or everyone else wants to project as human. Natural instincts, with control, and no expectations, should be how we start our days. Take whatever comes our way and premeditate what organized pattern we must follow to support our daily responsibilities. Life is an experiment of some proportion, what that is I don't know but, what I do know is that it is still just a natural occurrence. That may change sometime in the future but, until then, nature in it's existent form should be my guide. Nobody has a playbook for life, condescension from others is their character flaw not anyone else's natural disadvantage. The stigma we like to place on each other, in order to gain some type of advantage over one another, is to be pointed out and corrected in a principled manner. No one has any advantage over another when it comes to expressing their life to others' existence. The days of slavery and bondage should never again be allowed. Neither should oppression and manipulation by ourselves against ourselves. We are all unique and worthy of individual expression. Our societies should express this sentimental truth. We need to continue a determined effort to change philosophies, out-dated cultural norms and legal prohibitions against the natural right to individually be our honorable, principled human being selves.

My own expectations for me (#165)

Life is just so complex sometimes. Have you recently had someone disappointed in your behavior when it didn't line up with what they expected of you? The perceived animosity that injects itself is unsettling. I don't hesitate to ask for advice when I feel I cannot see through my own confused outlook. I believe it is appropriate to confer with others when no clear plan of action is foreseeable. It is when unsolicited advice from acquaintances or well meaning friends comes into the equation that I begin to sense trouble on the horizon. I am well used to close family members offering advice in a regular way and I am not at all surprised by it. More what I am referring to is less than family members using their personal experiences as the best way for solutions to my problems. I have a sense of dignity and respect I gift to all those who I meet. I start out on the high-road of principled acquaintance. From there, they then must relate back to me in some similar way that honors my dignity and respect. Most people appreciate this approach to friendship or community, however some others take it as a sign that my high opening opinion of them is a need on my part for them to interject their opinions about most things into my life. When this happens it always leaves me in an awkward way as to how to correct the wrong impression they have without offending them. Each situation is different and requires a personal attention to it's uniqueness. I don't wish to conflict with what some others may wish to do, so I move on with the knowledge that we are all at different places in our understandings and that I must continue to advance my own expectations for myself.

It's alright to be tired (#164)

When I awoke this morning I was so tired I just wanted to stop and go back to sleep. This does not happen to me very often. When I was young I was always wanting to sleep longer but since I've become an adult, I normally feel refreshed when I wake up. I know that, at times, my body just needs to recharge with extra sleep. I'm not lazy but just given to human physical/mental demands that eventually make me more tired than normal. When I looked at myself in the mirror this morning I knew I was in for a long day. My face was just hanging there off the front of my head. I had to stare hard into the mirror and remind myself to smile. When I had seen the smile form and then appear from the reflection in the mirror, I knew I was going to be fine. My little apartment animals have their routine and they cannot be ignored so there is no shirking my responsibilities to them so up I must be. I will go to sleep earlier tonight in order to put some extra sleep time in, since being fresh of mind and spirit is what I wish to be. I figured out long ago that I am not a machine that can go on and on, but rather I am given to spurts and starts which my body is very efficient at reminding me. This is just another opportunity for me to apply the basic principles of positive human traits. If I can be a good to great example of humanity when I am tired and less than at my best wits then I am content in that I am still becoming the man I wish to present to the world as me. Life, nature, destiny all control the course of my future path and the limited physical functions I have available equal the hard that I get to overcome by maintaining my relentless belief in the worthiness of this existential experiment.

The truth within us. (#163)

Every one of us has the truth deep down inside us. A place where I seldom go unless some stark occurrence lands me there. This place is where my heart finds all the answers to my questions whether good answers or not. For me this is the place that I call home. All the truth I know and feelings I have are at this place. There is a comfort and sanctity at this place I call the home of me and it is enveloped and permeated with purity. No falsehood or lie can exist here nor any ill will. This is the place that defines who I am, that guides my being toward a correct direction. All the things I believe are good and right exist within me in this place I call my home. I spend some time thinking about things and reacting to things without so much as a thought to how I feel deep down inside of me about them. I catch myself on cruise control at times and it bothers me that I can be so cavalier about what I am doing in my life without practicing due diligence to my thoughts and feelings. My home place where all the goodness and compassion of me lives is what I absolutely need if I am to exist the way I know is the best of who I am. Again I say, life is too short to be doing anything other than trying to be the best person I can be all the time. It is OK to fail as long as I try, to the best of my ability, and never quit trying. Deep down inside of me is the answer to all things that matter and I hope to spend more time knowing the truth within me.

Thoughts, words and actions together (#162)

Unfortunately there are too many examples of hypocrisy in our society that have left a lot of us with a very cynical mindset. The examples are abundant enough for me to feel a need to express an opinion about this trait of, less than desirable, human miscalculation. Our life spans are relatively short in the overall history of existence as we know it. Therefore, it is essential that we consistently and vigilantly practice principled thought and voice with performance. The emotional and chemical make-up of the human life is complicated because of the animal instinct that established our ability to survive. It is the animal instinct now that is being brought under control to allow us to conform to society. The animal instinct is impulsive and desire driven. It, when unchecked, will eventually overcome common sense and moral/ethical/judicial principles to satisfy it's immediate desire. This then is our dilemma, how do we check or block our natural instincts to allow us to become or evolve into a civilized persona instead of a mix of civilized and animal driven persona? Our only hope that can have personal control is to discipline our thoughts and behavior toward guiding principles of virtue, honor, courage, sacrifice etc... When the urge to action strikes us and it is against our principles we must pause and reflect on what is more important, what we say and then don't do or what we say and then follow through with in our actions. No momentary satisfaction is worth the cost of a lifetime of guilt and lost trust. Our thoughts, words and actions must be in union with each other to provide the better and best of examples for all the human race.

My smile is back (#161)

No more tough guy looks. No more glazed over stares. I don't have to be confused about how I present myself to everyone. I have found my smile again. All of us are the same in that we want to be accepted for who we are. My smile is reflective of how I feel about being alive every day. I was talking to my mother yesterday about how in my life there are no potatoes, just gravy. Every day that I am alive is a gift. I know this since I had been spending a lot of my past treating my life like it was a burden. How arrogant I was, I could not understand that the miracle of my life was beyond any creation on my part. I have, since then, concluded that the unconditional ability I have to experience reality in this dimension is special. Which sequay's to how I found my smile again. The inner turmoil over comprehending my existence has found it's conclusion. That being, that it does not matter whether I comprehend my existence, the only thing that matters is that I experience my existence with honor and respect. Through honor and respect I can live with the care and wonder about the world which just naturally brings out my smile. I don't have to find a way to fit into the world, I already fit into the world. I accept myself for the human that I am and just try to live within my nature and principles. Actually, it is pretty easy. I don't know how I got off track but being back on track has connected me with my smile again.

A dawning of a new era (#160)

Do you sense this like I do? I feel so optimistic about the future of humanity. It is like we are all starting to realize that the old paradigms of maternalism/paternalism have run their course. We, as individuals are starting to claim our own ideas and sense of right and wrong with an eye toward pragmatism and hopeful expectation. The life force of every individual is sacred and should never be sacrificed for motives ulterior to standing to correct extreme or mortal harm. The standards of society that have elevated us to this point were commendable for their time but a new era is upon us. We MUST now integrate all individuals into a system that benefits the egalitarian ideal in its pure form. What this will be remains a mystery for now but an eye toward it's succession cannot again blink as to it's formation. The system must have some basic components such as an air of spirited happiness, sacrificing with pleasure and an inclusion that spans the scope of all know barriers. We as the human species must take the next step in the social order that elevates us to the higher and highest principles that we honor. It is at that time we all will feel our connectedness and value to each other. The sweep of this era will have the effect of burgeoning a model for living that will continue in it's variety and individuality, yet also expand upon our creative and energetic characteristics as a whole. The universe is unlimited to us now and so is the curiosity, compassion and will to survive that makes us the most unique known force in existence. Our destinies are here upon us now, can't you feel it?

There are no shortcuts in life (#159)

I can't tell you how many times I have tried to find an easier way of doing things. I don't know what was in me that drove me to thinking and acting on the impulse to get things done quicker or easier. Probably the egotistical part of me that told me I was better than everyone else therefore I should and could do things in a more enlightened way. Well my ego has been duly placed back in it's shell where it belongs not to see the light of day for what I hope is the rest of my lifetime. It has been my experience that doing things in the correct order applying any adjustments necessary through the process gets me to completion faster and more efficiently than any shortcut I ever remember trying. This lesson I learned the hard way, through my own personal experience, not using shortcuts is now the way I attempt to practice achievement in all facets of my life. Shortcuts are for extreme emergencies when applicable, or toward working out a long term solution to fluid processes with trial and error and for the foolish. Extreme emergencies rely on fast acting and quickly getting to a result, shortcuts may be necessary. Trial and error for the betterment of ergonomics or new improved ideas over the long run prove positive worthiness. Foolishness is just what it is, foolishness. Shortcuts to get a desired result, less critical emergency or long term improvement, are choices of less than honorable intent. Specifically, I am referring to the mindset that drives us to somehow cheat to accomplish the same thing that others appropriately achieve through doing things the correct way.

Stay in the light (#158)

I find that the light is where I can feel the most at home with myself. When I am in the dark, I feel more alone. The light is where I can see what is going on around me. Light gives me a sense of adventure. I want to exercise my curiosity and discover what is going on in life. Knowing that I prefer the light also sums up my thoughts when less than positive feelings or memories try to invade my present consciousness. The glass is half full with me not half empty. I have found out that anytime a less than positive thought enters my mind I can just push it right back out because I don't want to dwell on anything that takes away from my peace. There are exceptions to this however and life-threatening and harm stopping are most of them. I will not live in a world with my head in the sand nor will I live in a world that thrives on creating chaos for the sake of chaos. I am human and as such, I am also given to frailty and doubt. I don't have to nurture these human failings, I can conquer them by dismissing their attempts to invade my peaceful mindset. What I do is bring to my mind happy thoughts, good thoughts, thoughts that give me inspiration. I control what I think about, I also control how I think about them. I am not forced to be in a particular mood, I get to choose. Optimism is a way of life. I choose to employ it's values and principles as a working, functioning force in what I think and how I react to those thoughts. Today, I am always attempting to look for the light and surround myself in it.

Let love into your lives (#157)

This is my opinion only but I feel very strongly about it. We should all try to find someone we can share love with. I know it is hard to find the right person and we may never do that. The effort to continue to look for love however is important. The chances always increase for finding love when we are ready to recognize it when it appears and our own sense of love is experienced while we are searching for someone to share it with. I place such high importance on love within our lives because no other emotion exists that can stir such sensations of joy like love. I have begun to understand that feeling the sensation of love is the greatest achievement of the human experience. Love, when found and shared, overlaps into every facet of our lives. It gives us a sense of worthiness and hope for the future. Our sense of belonging feels justified and complete. I could go on and on about the brightness of spirit that sharing love brings to us, but finding and allowing love to be apart of our lives must come first. There isn't always another tomorrow, fate and destiny will have their way regardless of our different opinions. To procrastinate on love or to put off finding love until a later time is not worth the risk of losing love or missing out on love. Love is the greatest experience of my life and is the one true emotion that makes life the unique miracle available to us all.

My happiness was inside my hope (#156)

I am content in that I am able to make friends easily and enter into their lives with such ease. I know how guarded I was about strangers I met, but somehow, things are different now. There is a particular reason for my feeling this way and it has to do with the a general consciousness that exists in my life. I am sure I am not the only one who has a fresh outlook on life, but I can only speak personally about my own. Initially the first inkling came about because of the way we cast our ballots last year in the Presidential election. Somehow a sense of hope was within me not since the days of John F. Kennedy. I was very young but aware of the impact he had on my parents. Then later the significance of his brother Robert and a civil rights leader named Martin. All of that climaxed by successfully landing on the Moon. Forty years and more ago I had this same kind of hopeful, enthusiastic feeling about the good chances our country was on the verge of creating and the great opportunities for all humans to join into and emulate. I have the same feelings now which make it so easy for me to want to make new friends and share with them in this hope I feel. I know how things can be difficult to believe in since so many times before hopes have been dashed by the insane and unfortunate. Regardless of the negative, I am content in that I can continue to make a difference whether others can or will to. I am so happy that I have found my happiness. It was locked away inside the hope I haven't felt for four decades.

A special day today (#155)

The fourth of July commemorates an ideal. The right of people to participate in the formation and function of their government. The ways of strongman rule, monarchies, oligarchies and theocracies don't have validity as means of rule in our American society. This is the great strength of America and it's most precious gift to the world. Recently we have seen the type of governments that don't measure up to our standard of governance. North Korea and it's despotic rule which manipulates and exploits it's citizens for the pleasure of a few. Iran where the people are fed a lie, that they have a choice in choosing their President, when the only candidates who can run for President must first be approved by the Supreme Ayatollah. America's form of Democracy is clearly the best system for allowing freedom and liberty to flourish collectively and individually for it's citizens. We celebrate our independence from Great Britain 233 years ago specifically, but generally we celebrate our independence as a reminder to the world that our government allows us to prosper and innovate our lives and can be an example to the rest of the world to join in our practice of honoring it's citizens with a means to pursue happiness. I offer America's hand out to all the world to join in the American experiment and enjoy the fruits of equality and friendship.

Just making myself available (#154)

It is so natural for me to think about what is or isn't going on in my life. Most people would probably assume that their own self should be their main concern. To a degree that would be true as far as keeping oneself alive and healthy is concerned. Beyond that though I start to move away from thinking of myself, toward thinking of others who would appreciate me doing something for them. It is in this simple switch of my focus that I find a peaceful feeling that takes me away from my constant worry of myself. It is somewhat an oxymoron, that in thinking and doing for someone else, that I am actually doing just exactly what I am supposed to be doing for myself. The old saying that good things happen to those who do good, rings with a truth I am finding more often than not. There is also a feeling that overcomes me of such content that life is again very clearly visible to me. Like being a child again and seeing the world through the fresh hopeful eyes of a boy who knows no bounds as to what life could be like. To me, I have found a metaphorical fountain of youth, a way to experience joy and hopefulness in such a completely satisfying manner. The universe is such a vast and complex existence, but I believe I have unlocked a bit of it's mystery when I help or make myself available to another soul when they are in need of me. What a sense of a human actually being, human. Everything we do on Earth in order to live together is busy work, toward maintaining a secure and ordered life, but expressing care and showing action toward care is the emotional lift that makes the life experience worth every second of living.

Never quit and keep going (#153)

I found out recently that an old acquaintance and friend had died by his own hand. These last few years had been a real strain on him and he began acting strangely to his family and friends. I don't know the extent of the troubles he was living with but I do know that he forced most of us away because of them. It is moments like this when I am told someone has given up and committed suicide that I feel selfish. I wonder why it is I was able to push through when I considered suicide and chose not to quit on life and he did. It has been my opinion that there are two human traits we are all born to have in our lives continually, compassion and curiosity. However there is one more non-quantifiable instinct that I could not fit into the compartments of caring and wondering, and that would be the instinct to survive. As humans we are born with the instinct to survive since it identifies our will just to move beyond the birthing process. The degree with which we apply our survival instinct within our own lives has variance however. Some have great survival instincts and endure to live through the most depressing and traumatic experiences imaginable. While others would quit on life as if hope could never exist for them. Survival of our individual self is unique to all of us, but the will to survive within all of us is different. I would hope that survival of each of ourselves could be strengthened through being educated that our existence is a gift that should never be given away without an all out fight to keep it.

To figure it all out (#152)

I have not figured it all out and I will never do so in my lifetime. I have figured out how to live my life to the satisfaction of myself. I am easy to satisfy and maybe that makes what I know very simple and overstated. That is exactly where the truth lies for me however, in the simple and overstated. Simple, because awareness to my surrounding environment is a gift from some unknown force that has brought me into it. Overstated, because all those things that have consistently been stated to me over and over again relate to the high principles of honor, justice, goodness, etc.... Having spent the majority of my life looking beyond these two paradigms I have come to understand that when the hard work of accepting them as truth and putting them to action is when a sense of fulfillment caresses my soul. The expectancy of a higher forceful power and an aggressive protection and practice of the best that the principles of enlightened peaceful beings would theoretically exhibit, I have found a lifelong endeavor to apply to my hopes and actions. These two convergent ideals keep me at peace and constantly aware of attempting to employ their virtues such that I am bone weary from the attempt to hold them in a moment to moment reality. I am such a happy tired man. When I ache and hurt in just maintaining my ideals, a feeling of powerful accomplishment settles within me making any perceived sacrifice on my part more like a privileged duty that has been fulfilled.