In the earlier edition of me was the guy who was sick and tired of how reality was so screwed up that being in it was a perfect excuse to escape it through mind altering alcohol and drugs. Less drugs and more the conventional legal alcohol mind you. So much so that the alcohol became more than old friend and became an addiction instead. It took me years of struggle and harm to finally realize that the escape I had early in my life decided to live was at the root of why I behaved so poorly. Now I look upon escape from reality as a cop out, the cowardly way to live. I am older for sure and my perspective has changed with a much more comprehensive insight but that is still not enough of a reason for me to have quit on life so early. I am ashamed of my behavior and despite it's regretful effect, I chose to use it to elevate me to a greater motivation to be a greater force for change in reality. Now I fight hard for change that will not allow that old screwed up status quo of a reality to be my reality. I don't accept the harsh brutality, I witnessed and lived, to exist without me battling to alter it for the better. Back then I wasn't able to fight like I am able to now and although I have given much time away living in my escape, I will give no more time! Although the years of addiction to my preferred mode of escapism has worn a hole in my soul, it is a hole that is now being filled with determination and will power. My mind is full of being present in my life with as much of the faculty of mind that I have. There is no room for one second of escape from reality. Even in my moments of recreation and entertainment, reality is always a premium being lived. When I was younger I could get away with not being present because I wrongly blamed others for the mess life had become. No longer, now I point the finger at myself and say what are you doing this moment and every moment going forward to make life better?
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