At times I catch myself thinking back into my past and reminiscing about when good things happened and when bad things happened. There are times when looking back into my past helps me determine what to do in my present and future and that is natural and intelligent. It is not these times that I am writing about. It is the times when my mind wanders around through my memories with no particular direction. This way I have of mind-wandering has not been very beneficial to me. The process of growth of who I am are the predominant memories I encounter. It is the growth of who I am now that inspires this posting today. The process of growth itself however has not been too inspiring. I've said before that I was inclined to learn through trial and error. Although I rarely practice this principle of uneven logic, I did for a long time. My memories of decisions I've made have made me wince with a feeling of regret and embarassment. I must continually remind myself that those experiences are in the past and have, in a purely luck kind of way, gotten me to where I am today. I am so very thankful and appreciative to be living life as I am now. I don't make decisions based on chance or self-important reasons. To keep letting my mind wander into the land of my mind where what could have been torments me is irresponsible and foolish on my part. Today, life is hard and long and I know this and embrace it, because this is the true reality for me. I'm not the boss of me, life is.
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