The internet and it's connections (#151)

Never have I experienced the internet being so slow now that I am in a hotel in Fremont. I have been spoiled by the wonderful service I receive in Citrus Heights. It is interesting to gauge my level of acceptance toward the possible frustration that I could be exhibiting. I was talking to my mother about it and I was pleased that I have found a way to understand that it isn't about me but about the location. My sense that I am just in the wrong area for good or decent internet service seems to mollify my emotions. That is good that I look for logic to describe my reality on a very personal level. Believe me, my internet connections have become addictive and necessary to me in a slightly pathetic way. I should be more outgoing in person, however I find that the internet offers such a convenient way to associate in minor or superficial ways. I appreciate the economy of conversation with others without having to travel distances that require resources and time. I find that more serious or important conversations need to take place face to face. It is the everyday exchange of pleasantries and compliments that are so compelling to associate over the internet. Now back to my internet connection problem at this hotel, I must and will endeavor to limit my communication to concise and precise language so that I am able to stay on the internet long enough to get my point or offerings across. I need to post this blog now so that I know it will make it to fulfill my daily venture to bring something from within my head or my heart to the public at least once a day.

Another new day to make a mark in life (#150)

I am very fortunate to know that people in my life care about me and want to help me when they learn that I have a need. I am reluctant to ask for help and usually don't. But times happen when I am forced to ask for help. It is at these times that I find help almost everywhere I seek it. I have been a giver of myself and my resources for most of my life, (might explain why I need help occasionally myself), part of my nature is to help others when their need is immediate. I have a very casual attitude about being ambitious for the purpose of satisfying superficial desires or to present a false facade of being something I am not. I have discovered that the most desirous fulfillment does not come from riches but rather by experiencing the goodness of life through conquering the bad. In other words, helping others when they need help and feeling the appreciation they express. How humbling and how rewarding that some minor part I may play in their lives has such a special and significant expression attached to it. The quality of my life is what I want in quantity. Things, will never replace in importance the interaction available with the human spirit. I have learned through trial and error that my goodwill can only be given where the goodwill can be appreciated and not manipulated. I only have so much goodwill resource I can give, so I must discern it's proper usage. Time has been my ally in this and I have been able to judge where I shouldn't offer my goodwill. Careful observation of my surroundings and the ability to listen have aided me in determining my ability to judge. Like-minded people often attract toward each other and as long as my purpose to live with a high standard of principles remains focused I expect to be surrounded by those who feel the same way. Every day we get another chance to improve our lives and make our mark in the history of mankind.

The principle of self-expression (#149)

The most under-rated form of communication is the action of self-expression. The fear involved in being criticized, laughed at, along with other non-supportive responses inhibit so many of us from expressing our own thoughts and feelings about many subjects. When I was younger, idealistic and impressionable, I was susceptible to listening to others opinions before I allowed myself to express my own true feelings. This pattern was adopted because so many times I was exposed to commentary about my vocal understandings in a way that did not induce encouragement, but rather insured that I would remain doubtful about my thoughts as to them not measuring up to an intelligent level. I will never know for sure the intent of the responses to a lot of my self-expressed ideas or opinions, but I am sure that a motivation to feel superior to someone else is a motivation that has an addictive hold for individuals who live in an ego-driven environment. I will right now say that the world has not lost any great thought or opinion from me due to my neglect to forcefully present it, what I am saying is that the process for expressing any idea or opinion on any subject matter from me had been lessened because I had not been able to appreciate the difference between someone Else's motivation and my own conviction. For this there is only me to blame. I wish I had the ability to believe in myself with enough courage to exclaim my thoughts without allowing how I would be perceived to influence the expression. I, claim my self-expression today, with a fervor and will not allow convention, politics or an occasional tendency toward worrying about how I will be perceived to interfere with my ability to self-express.

Helping each other (#148)

OK, no brainer right? We need to help each other. Conversation over, or is it? There have been two forces that pull us along in its wake. First, our place within our society and the demands it puts on us. Second, our contemplations on what we hold as our principle duties, or our ideals to put it simply. We know that at times we must put ourselves first when society confronts us with a dilemma which requires our maintaining of some desired or perceived necessary outcome. To be selfish at certain times helps us maintain or achieve some heightened sense of accomplishment or satisfaction. It is only when we look back at the satisfaction or accomplishment to see what was ignored or purposely avoided are we able to assess any harm or impediment we may have caused to others. Then comes the time to reflect on the balance that our actions have caused. Now, just because we evaluate balance doesn't necessarily mean we are self-conscious and concerned about fairness. It just means we are evaluating for some purpose. My inclination is to avoid the selfishness altogether, because I have found that no matter what the satisfaction or accomplishment, the stain on my soul for selfish purposes never justifies my selfish actions. That is just me and most certainly others feel entirely different about sensual and ego satisfaction and accomplishment. The point I am awkwardly trying to make is this, when I am into myself, I am not into helping someone else. The best feelings I have ever experienced are created by helping those who need and appreciate my help. I like my altruistic nature and enjoy the fruit of its employment. My personal evolution is real and not worthy of ignoring. No matter how much I hate to change, once I do I always realize that my life becomes fuller and I become more aware of how deeply I feel for all my fellow living souls.

The correct usage of silence (#147)

There are so many topics of discussion that are worthy of speaking about and toward, but at times there are topics that deserve the discretion of being silent about. How do I know how to choose between the two? A simple rule would be to figure out if anything I say is negative. The old saw about "If you can't think of anything nice or good to say about something or someone then don't say anything at all" comes to my mind. Also, when an emotional time within myself is occurring it is best that I say nothing until I have calmed down and given time to reflect before I commit my thoughts to the private and public forum for discussion. Everything in life has some controversy or circumstance to it that, if given constant free airing, would eventually drive all of us away from each other. However, there is a caveat to the silence rule, when injustice is occurring and I observe it, I have a duty and obligation to humanity to speak out and protest injustice with all my might. I even have a duty to protect justice with all my actions and thoughts where I can. It's the "where I can" that needs to be defined. Whether decrying injustice with words and/or actions as well as protecting justice in the same way, discretion is, and shall always be, the guiding principle that must be the precept as a prelude to any final act or thought I conclude to offer. History has taught me that silence in the face of bad actions or words is intolerable but also that silence in the face of not being a positive influence is recommended when no word or action I take can be construed as constructive or or seen in the better or best of lights.

The education of humanity (#146)

I love learning. Learning is a pleasure to participate in. More than anything else, it is the most important conscious event that fuels my desire to continue living in this world. I am fortunate that I was born into existence at this time when learning is advocated publicly by most people. The opportunities to continue learning are all around me. Not just systematic learning but individual efforts to educate myself about subjects easy to access and/or hard to understand. If learning were held in contempt and not allowed in a society I was born into, I would struggle and fight for it's right to be allowed. The life experience is always better in hope than it is in reality. My attempt to leave this world with a better hope is founded in what I make of my reality. Learning gives me the choices and possibilities to make decisions that can help me advance the principles I would hope to leave after I am gone. Every life must be cared for in at least a basic humanitarian way. The ego of humankind must be funneled into protecting all of life instead of only protecting selected individual ones. This will only come about when the prejudices and biases have been properly vanquished. We must see each other as precious, unique individual miracles. Nothing less will work.

Iran and the Dilemma it Presents (#145)

I rarely have a conversation about specific current events, however this will be one of those times. My reason for writing about Iran is that it breaks my heart to see their struggle and have no direct influence to effect it. Specifically, I am referring to the Iranian citizen protesters who are being denied and physically punished for trying to advocate for the same rights that I would fight and defend to keep in America. The sovereignty of Iran, as an independent country, prohibits outside interference without a compelling reason beyond which has been displayed by the existing ruling regime. This standard of non-interference within the borders of a recognized country is the hallmark of civilized behavior and respect for our different cultures to rule their own destinies. This ideal is only that however, an ideal. Pragmatically, I want to defend the principles I hold that others are struggling to obtain. The conflict of an ideal and a pragmatic impulse is perplexing. As a rational being I must respect international interpretations relative to rules of sovereignty, but as a member of the human race I have a higher duty to protect life when I perceive injustice, regardless of legal convention. I am not advocating any particular or general action, I am advocating the compassion and curiosity, which, in my mind, differentiate humans from animals. To hold the principles of compassion and curiosity, I must practice them at a level that would never compromise their purpose. My argument for helping the Iranian people is valid in that it places struggle for justice above a sense of security; In helping the Iranian citizens we provide for a better practical security then which otherwise would be realized under the current Iranian administration. Whatever we do as a country or individuals let it be clear that the moral justification trumps the legal justification of non-interference.

The Frailty of Reality (#144)

In my heart of hearts I am truly a happy soul. I have had time to reflect for most of this current year about my life and possible changes in my living environment. What used to stress me and make me uncomfortably nervous doesn't anymore. For some of this new found peaceful attitude and behavior I can give credit to relinquishing the thought that I control things around my life. That was a huge change I have made in my life. Another modifier in my behavior and attitude is the concept of a greater being or non-random force which controls my destiny. By taking this simple approach to the why of life, I have freed up my soul to just experiencing life without having to control or explain it. The philosopher part of me continues to exist but without the angst previously associated with it. The fear I carried with me about death and not wanting to acknowledge it has dissipated into a minor acquiescence of its inevitability. In the meantime I have life to live, love to experience and beauty to behold. I am also committed to fighting for freedom, liberty and justice when it is being denied to at least one when I enjoy those very same rights. The miracle of being in a conscious world of dimension and sensory perception is unfathomable to me yet most marvelously appreciated. How I got here and where I go from here is the perfection of the fact that I still exist. Everything else is a bonus to be explored and welcomed.

New Day, New Opportunity (#143)

The possibilities for me as I start my day out are fresh and new regardless of how I plan my day out. One thing I have learned as a constant in my life is that nothing is taken for granted. Whether nature or fate or the total unexpected, life continues to shape what happens in my daily life. I have responsibilities and I am focused on them with due diligence however, I am at the mercy of events that are outside the control of myself. I am not concerned with whether life is harsh or benevolent to me, I am only concerned with how I react when it is one or the other. I can only prepare to be ready for whatever life throws or sets in my path by being grounded in the calm, peaceful knowledge that I am privileged to be a part of life and just acknowledge the fact that I am aware and hopeful of doing my best. I have taken steps to help me handle the unexpected or turns of fate that happen to me by instilling within myself a foundational thought of, "it isn't about deserves", it's about the "whirligig of life....". Nothing personal, mind you, just the circle of things that happen to most everyone as a general rule. This wisdom, or insight is most helpful in that my emotions are not a factor when events occur beyond my reach. I am emotional on a variety of subjects, yet I have a control for them that is unprecedented in my life experience. I am now able to present to the world a neutral position, all the while churning the emotion of the position hidden within me. This behavior I present shields me and others from distorting the position, protecting the event without emotional interference, but still leaves me time to work out my own personal feelings concerning the position. My newly enlightened way of handling fate's events has given me a perspective I needed to be ready for every new day and all the possibilities within it.

What the Future Holds (#142)

My thoughts occasionally entertain a view of what the future will be like for me. Being optimistic, I almost always see myself living in a better world then the one I am in today. When I say almost always it is because I am human and cannot constantly be eternally optimistic. There are rare times when my optimism is crushed and I feel the tremendous weight and deep hurt from it. Thankfully however, those times are rare and I have come to recognize that they will pass if I will only give things time. By the way, time really is the great healer. Maybe not in a perfect way but at least in a way that allows me to go on with my life without the constant reminders of disappointments. My future is a by-product or development of how I handle and adjust my present. Not all of the future is up to me, forces outside any decision I make will occur and usually do. However, my future, that is within my control, must for me be aimed at with a purpose and a plan. The quality of my life is almost always within my control. That is in the sense that I can control how and what I think and choose to act upon. The principles of ethics, morality, justice and honor are what I consider the foundations of a beautiful life. If I am able to combine these paradigms into a cohesive and compassionate set, working in a comprehensive way, decisions within my control can take on the meaning and action I aspire to have happen. I am not there yet, but I am hopeful that my desire to reach that combination of interactions of principles will continue to be a quest I am focused toward. The enlightened concept of ordering my thoughts and actions toward advancing my own presentation of myself to the world is worthy of all my effort. May I be so humble to achieve my future.

The Struggle for Freedom (#141)

Fear can have a grip on a person like no other physical reaction, when a person's life is being challenged. Such is the case when people realize a necessity to stand against a power entity and demand control of their lives back from the power entity. Through the actual act of determination are the bonds of fear broken enough for the person(s) to begin to face the power entity and protest its uneven hold over them. The struggle for freedom is not much different from the the struggle to be born. A will or desire must be strong enough within the individual to go to every length possible to make it happen. This struggle to be born is also determined solely by the one being born, bearing it's burden to survive as it's own individual struggle. As an onlooker watching events happen, I am driven to desperation of thought as to how to help those who would struggle out of the bonds of tyranny or manipulation. I know that if I could help anyone achieve freedom I would not hesitate to do so. However, when it is not appropriate for me to help I can only watch and try to encourage in anyway that I can. Once fear has been conquered and the right and mighty of the spirit is unleashed against those who would deny individual expression then truly the struggle for freedom is underway. I am fortunate in who I am and where I have been born. I understand how privileged I am to have freedom in my life. My heart goes out to any others who don't have what a lot of us have and my hope is that those who would struggle to attain freedom will succeed and if there is anyway at all that I can be a positive influence, to and for them, then I am at their service.

Happy Birthday Dad (#140)

June 19th 1937, The day our Dad was born. The Great Depression was coming out of its worst years but was still very hard for most families. The Second World War was just around the corner and you had to grow up around the misery and triumph that event exposed you to. I am imagining what you must have been like at 8 years old, I can only reflect back on my own experience. I was eager to understand and know, so you must have been about the same in that sense, so the World War at it's end must have been a tremendous time to help build your character and hope for a better world. What an exciting time it must have been for you back then. Dad you have always tried to bring out the best in people wherever you meet them, that is your most enduring trait. The positiveness of your personality is admired and appreciated by all those who have had the fortune of crossing your path. Your bright outlook about the people who you care for is absolutely unlimited. I know at times you have had to practice tough love with your 8 children but I also know that it breaks your heart to have to do so. I have been so fortunate to have you in my life because of your caring but maybe even more so your exuberant way of seeing life with the happiness you hope we can have in our lives. You are such a character about so many things how can anyone not have a good time when they are around you. Happy birthday Dad but that just kind of goes without saying, happy is just how you are made. Love you.

Telling the Truth can be hard (#139)

There are times when being honest about something is difficult to share even when what I want to share is the truth. These are the times when a queasy feeling comes over me and I know I would feel better saying nothing at all. It is a similar feeling to when I need to ask for some-one's forgiveness or admit to someone I was wrong. But the comparison ends there. The times I need to share the truth are greater than my queasiness. When I am maneuvered into a position of having to respond, I must do so with true care and honest truth, regardless of the sensitivity of the subject matter or of individual positions on the matter at hand. My main concern is to be honest in my response with a duty of care given not harm anyone with the wording of my position. When viewed through the lens of life being such an incredible gift to experience nothing should seem too perplexing or overwhelming as a matter for discussion. It is in the presentation of the discussion that I care to be as kind and understanding as I possibly can be when knowing the position of my take on a subject can be unwelcome news to some or all at any given time. The alternative to not being honest and open about subjects that require my response is an abdication of my responsibility to be a friendly resource and another option for anyone who is struggling to find the best answer for themselves. What I wish is not as important as being part of the great debates within life that need every perspective possible in order to find the best answers humanity may find. Information is power, but it is also a source for us to find comfort within the span of our lives. Hard truths are just another example of how we need each other for us to help us all. Good luck to us.

The hard lessons (#138)

I have been so fortunate to have understood the necessity of observing humanity in as many ways as possible. The purpose is to learn and be reminded of ways to avoid the hard lessons in life that inevitably come all of our way. No one has a handle on how to react and act on every situation. The best I can hope for is to prepare myself by being informed and objective when circumstances become my responsibility. The beautiful thing about how I approach finding solutions to problems is that my intent and motive are principled based. I want the just and fair to win every argument, I want the right and good to win every argument, in other words, I want as close to a perfect outcome to every argument ever realized. I know that my perspective is not universal and I have adjusted my expectations accordingly. However, compromise is only a stepping stone to where I eventually hope things will finally be determined. Once again, let me reiterate my impulse, I have an intent and motive to experience perfection or as close to it as I can come in all aspects of our existence. To strive for the greatest should not be an illusion, it should be every human beings, duty to life, to fulfill. I am only in control of me and not always all the time, but I can keep trying without making excuses for myself or my self-desires. The further I am away from having to learn hard lessons the closer I get to finding the best solutions for myself and hopefully those around me.

To tell the Truth (#137)

If you ever wonder how I come up with my topics of discussion, well simply put, the topic is either at the forefront of my mind or I sit at the keyboard do a prayer then a little meditation and then just start typing about the first topic that comes to mind. Nothing special about it. Today is one of those little prayer kind of days. What came to mind was that if I stick to talking and telling the truth in a way that is sensitive-to and protective-of others' feelings and trust, then my life will sail along without me creating chaos out of it. I know the difference between living in an honest way with a purpose of good conviction and living in an expedient way with my own gratification as my only objective. The latter is self-indulgence at any cost with little hope of lasting and the former is how I have come to learn, the hard way I might add, is most rewarding in the sense that I get to be involved in friendship and family relationships which give me the greatest of rewards; A little respect for me as a human being. I guess all I have ever wanted is to be treated as someone worthy of companionship. By treating others in the same manner I complete the circle of the type of relationships I desire. We all have faults, me especially because I live with mine up-close but I refuse to consider faults when I engage with others. We all have virtues and promise and hope for the better and best attributes we have yet to express. These are what I consider when I converse, meet or otherwise relate to those who cross my path. I thoroughly enjoy the direction of my life today because it all premises itself on me telling the truth.

My Mortality (#136)

I was thinking this morning about why I seem to be driven and focused with a purpose for my life more-so now than in the past. The answer came to me in a short thought, I am closer to my end than I am to my beginning. I am mortal and the clock continues to tick off the number of days I have left to live. There is no magic or super-revelation that is going to allow me to live beyond my past due date. Knowing this to be a moral certainty has been the cause of my vigilance toward living my life in a full and focused way. Certainly my mortality doesn't make me what I am but it serves as notice that whatever I will be, must be worked on and not procrastinated away to some later date. My perspective is also enhanced by my experience which tells me that windows of opportunity remain open only for so long. I need to be aware and utilize them when they appear. This explains my vigilance but it does not explain my motivation. Idealism is the answer. All my life I have been a witness to, and occasional participant in, injustice. How all of that came into being I can't explain but I know deep within my soul that every instance of injustice has taken a piece of my heart and pained it. A solemn angst has been my physical experience and a depressing mood has filled my soul. I will not be a party to injustice or allow it to manifest itself in my presence another time as long as I am able to reverse or stop it. My life has been grand in that I have had love and been privileged to know friendship. There is nothing that could stop me from fulfilling my desired purpose of living my life with the passion of creating a just world for humanity.

The How not the What (#135)

This might be my favorite subject when discussing ideology. So many times I hear others speak about what we should do as individuals or as a society. The reasoning process has been taken on upon themselves in such a way as to paternalize decisions for ourselves. I often get the feeling that I am not able to think for myself in their minds. When I listen carefully, It becomes apparent that an agenda is being cleverly forwarded by including only enough arguments to validate their stance on what they are propounding. The omission of other facts would dilute their conclusions and have been consciously omitted. In a society that is fast-paced and lends itself to trusting certain individuals to do the complex thinking for us, we leave ourselves vulnerable to hidden or ulterior motives that don't necessarily forward the truth. This is why the how we are taught to think is much more important than the what we are taught to think. When we claim our greatest attribute, that being of individual thought on a variety of subjects, we truly are practicing freedom and liberty as individuals in a free society. We must take the time to analyze the theories and premises of important issues ourselves without abdicating our thinking over to someone Else's point of view. How we think is a refection on how we are viewed by ourselves and how others view us. Our thoughts must be unique to us in that they truly reflect the product of our own considerations not the catchy sound bites offered by those who would have you let them think your thoughts for you.

The Guiding of Our Purpose (#134)

What is it that gives us our impetus to exclaim our desires? For what purpose is our rush to help when no one is calling for help. How are we driven to stand and rail against whatever is bothering us? Inside us somewhere is a notion of truth that is being ignored or falsified in some way that provokes our sense of duty to rebut it. I have found myself in positions of determined confrontation on subjects, then sometime later realized that I was not fully informed because I failed to consider all the facts surrounding the idea I was attempting to protect. I have learned that it is important not to rush to judgements before I give due consideration before I stand up and announce some principle I wish to discuss or defend. Life may appear simple on the surface but many complexities underlie circumstances within life that make any judgement on behalf of them more difficult than through cliche or one-liners. I submit that reflection on issues with as many facts or reasonings possible help to expand the debate toward a comprehensive position, whatever way that may be. I also appreciate good honest debate on issues and the conclusions that are reached by them, respecting someone's opinion based on thoroughness of evaluation is admirable. What I will never respect are decisions based upon prejudice or ignorance. I have a duty to stand and rail against injustice and manipulation of people and ideals when they are being assaulted for improper gain or bad motive. It is nice to have a purpose.

The Big Picture (#133)

There are times when the debate on issues of common interest becomes emotional. There are times when debate has little chance of persuasion because of steadfastness in belief which won't allow a different perspective to be considered. These are examples of situations where deadlock on progress for issues at times won't allow for any determining conclusion to evolve. I am fortunate in that I try to look at the big picture, the overall effect, of what a better or best outcome should possibly be. I don't wish to be subjective, because I am not important or wise enough to be correct for everyone in what I think is true or not. However I do try to listen to the objective aspects of debate and form an opinion based on sensibility and fairness. That still doesn't make my opinion right or good but it at least gets me to a starting point where I can then move to add more objectivity and hopefully lean toward a conclusion. Conclusions are not facts they are just the best we can figure out at the time and over time may need to be improved upon or eliminated altogether. My main concern is to always move the debate along toward a never-ending progression of finding the best conclusion. To be stagnant in attempting to determine outcomes is not an option with me and I will continue to advocate for the answers to the pressing problems of our time. The next generation will have it's hands full with their own problems and should not have to take up debate on the things we can do within our time.

Magical mystery of Life (#132)

I just can't help feeling good about whatever is happening to me personally. I know that things have been tough lately for not only me but for most everyone else also. Regardless, I am still somewhat healthy, have strong family ties and good friends that actually care about me. My future rests solely in my hands despite what circumstances come to influence my future. On a philosophical level, I am in awe of the reality of existence and the senses I have to experience existence. The fact that we are all searching for meanings and understandings in a world with only clues and no conclusive truths makes life even more stimulating in that there are so many possibilities to discover. Life is a mystery worth experiencing and exploring. The magic of life is that we have choices amongst incredibly complex scenarios as to how to live our lives. The Earth is a setting that offers wondrous panoramic vistas of beauty and also supplies our basic needs of food, shelter, clothing etc..., so the tasks of survival have been minimized and then, therefore, give us more time and energy to spend on our curiosities about our larger existence beyond our home planet. As we, as a species, continue to nurture humanity and search to discover the whole of our existence, I am just content within myself because no matter what happens in my life or how long my life will last, we as compassionate, curious humans are on the dawning of discovering new and exciting experiences and expanding our knowledge and understanding of the mystery of why life is so magical.

My mind is greater than my body (#131)

I am just really getting a clue to my feeble limitations. I had such an aggressive schedule planned for myself concerning my latest project and of course I once again did not allow any time for the unexpected. So naturally what I thought would only take four days took all of six days instead. Somehow I need to divorce my forward expectations from my present abilities. I know why I am having such a time of it, it is because I still think with the youthful vigor of a fresh new mind when in reality I'm operating with a nearly fifty-four year old body. I am almost fifty-four, just writing it twice still leaves me in utter disbelief. Time is an unusual phenomenon in that it takes it's toll on my body but has no effect on my minds hubris. Tricky deal there. Well, writing out in the open about how I am is a sort of tonic for me in that I am, right now, able to begin to adjust my perception on the disconnect that exists between two very distinct parts of myself. I am not necessarily one person who is defined by one particular way of thought or action but instead I am susceptible to being defined in probably more than one way concerning thought and action. What needs to happen for me is a cautious approach to everything in my life so that I may be able see more clearly what my capabilities truly do represent. I have spent the first half of my life attempting to accomplish things in a hurried fashion and must now slow that way of action down enough to let my body keep up with my mind. Life is complicated enough without this new twist of complication now permeating my ability to function in a predictable and honestly fair way; such is my dilemma.

Grab the bull by the horns (#130)

Life does not come with a set of instructions. There are rules, regulations, codes and other conforming standards, but life and it's myriad decisions have no obvious template. When I am in doubt about how to proceed, because of convention and manners, I nevertheless continue forward with what I get to consider is fair and just. Not that what I consider is always, or even sometimes, fair and just, but in lieu of direction I get to put my choice forward. Timidity and lack of nerve are not options when the stakes of life can bring reality changing events into the equation. I used to think that people older than me were better understanding of complicated events that effected me and their world. A sort of acquiescence to their judgement out of respect. I have since then learned that no one has much of a clue as to their own best interests let alone their having clues about mine. We all just need to struggle along and hopefully apply standards to decision-making situations that will leave us somewhat satisfied that we tried our best in the name of humanity. Honesty about who we are and not trying to be something we are not are great starts in the evolution of our own personal standards of conduct and conscious. My life must be measured against the best principles humanity has to offer otherwise I will not be attempting to live up to how I want my life go. It is on me to find the best way to live my life without the fear that would deviate me from this goal.

Pushing through the tired (#129)

When I am tired I love to sleep. Sleep is a tonic to refresh my mind and physical body. I enjoy the actual drifting off into sleep time where I know that my weariness will be relieved. However, there are times when despite the overwhelming sense of fatigue I feel I am nonetheless unable to enjoy the salve of sleep. Priorities dictate, through deadlines and anxiety about being perceived as competent, Ha, perception my foot, that staying awake and completing or progressing a task has the higher priority. It is wise and instructional that I embrace these times of exhausted wakefulness and endeavor to accomplish that which I find as a necessity. As long as my brain or brawn can function at some respectable level then I am duty bound to give my best effort. Life is a wonderful experience, but also a short one that makes demands that can't be ignored. To procrastinate or shuck off responsibilities I have taken on does not sit well with my attempt to be the principled man I hope to finally become. To sacrifice sleep when I am weary and tired is little to ask from myself when I have accepted an obligation that requires the keeping of an honored principle intact. I love my life today because I get to make decisions based upon honor, being noble and humble, etc..., exemplifying in my limited way the better and best of human traits.

Busy day today (#128)

This posting will be unusual since I will be writing directly about myself. Today I am going to immerse myself into doing my online course for OSHA safety procedures and hope to get very close to its finish before the evening is over. I got up early and did all my farmtown stuff on facebook and contributed to a couple of postings. Now I must publish my daily blog and offer some interesting idea within it. Now comes the hard part, interesting idea, How about that I'm going to be writing every word from the online course down on paper so that I have a concise record of all information given to help me with the numerous exams inserted throughout the course. I have filled up one legal tablet already and I am well into the second tablet. My fingers on my right hand are indented and ache all over. My ink pen is showing signs of running out of ink so I have bought more of them along with more tablets. The strategy of writing everything down seems to be working since I have only missed a few (3) questions from all the exams, and those were dubiously phrased. So I will probably have to have a right hand transplant by the time I wrap up my day today but it will at least have given me a satisfactory outcome as per this course. Well, take care today and I hope to be back to writing about philosophical and societal issues again tomorrow.

Just another Task (#127)

There isn't anything on my mind today except to accomplish a certain amount of work on a class on-line I am taking. I am obsessed with completing this class in the next three days, including today. There is a limited amount of time I have been given to do this because other factors have come into play. I am able to do this also because all it takes is concentrated focus and perseverance on my part. The material is laid out for me and all I need to do is record it and absorb it in my mind and on paper. Life is funny (ha-ha) that way. It seems like, for most of my life, everything has to be done in a hurry. I wish my life could have more predictable patterns to it but it doesn't and here is what I must do. I am a big believer in what will be will be and attempt to try to improve on that. However, not on this recent task. I am compensated for it so there really is no problem with the work itself, It's just the time constraints that seem to follow unexpected tasks I have given lately. I am so very fortunate to have problems of this sort and I am not complaining about the opportunity. I am questioning my positioning of myself in circumstances where these types of situations continue to occur. There is an ideal life for me out there somewhere and someday I hope to get an opportunity to experience it. In the meantime I am thankful for what I have now and shall endeavor to push forward with all my strength and talents (?) I have for as long as I am able.

Don't Doubt Yourself (#126)

I have lost track of the amount of times I have questioned the sanity or realism of feelings or thoughts I have had because I felt that somehow what I think or feel is of no significant value. There is a line out there somewhere that distinguishes between possibility and fantasy. I never know where that line is and probably never will. The only register I have is what I think or feel. Well, given that I must not doubt what I think or feel as being something less or wrong that what it truly is, I must forge ahead with the confidence that I matter and so do my senses and thoughts. I owe to myself a careful examination of both thoughts and feelings with an objective process that includes other's opinions and points of view. What I must never do is abdicate the final decision I have about some matter that leaves the end result to the game of chance. I must stand firm and protect my thoughts and feelings if I find them honest and honorable with no harm coming to others because of them. Time has a way of allowing doubt to involve itself in my life. I must recognize that nothing in this world comes easy and that anything worth having and holding dear has a cost to pay in maybe eventually obtaining it. Fate also has it's place in events and will not be denied. However, my destiny, if it is mine will be determined by my ability to know what is happening with me and standing by those things that I know are right and true.

Thunder and Lightning (#125)

What a night we had in Citrus Heights, California. A thunder and lightning show that was unique in that the sky was blanketed with clouds and didn't allow for any of the lightning bolts to be directly visible. We saw instead the clouds themselves light up brightly accompanied with the boom of the thunder. Since I could see no visible lightning bolts piercing down to the ground I went outside and marveled at nature's fury. What an awesome planet we live on. This planet gives us what we need to survive as a species and can very well take it away in the blink of an eye through it's incredible turbulent nature. It is mostly the reason I feel so compelled to live my life in the best possible form I can accomplish. We will never be guaranteed of another sunrise, we will never be guaranteed another day to start our lives in a most focused way to make ourselves and those around us happy. The frailty of life is omnipresent and should always serve as a reminder of what are the important priorities of our and everyone else's lives. This morning I can appreciate the pure luck of having been born into a country with a political system that promotes life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as it's highest calling. Nowhere else on Earth are these values perpetuated with the solemn pledge to protect them with as much blood and treasure necessary to prevail. Nature brings her forces to bear as she dictates as well as we as a species need to bring our forces to bear to enrich society with the better and best virtues our humanity can envision. What a wild and wonderful world we are existing in.

An indescribable Feeling (#124)

An indescribable feeling, I am referring to the fruition of a hoped for circumstance. Whether it is a new experience or an old experience with a fresh start, the happening of an outcome to be realized that was previously a seemingly impossible occurrence can be breathtaking and life affirming. We have all had experiences or wishes that were impossible to reconcile to reality or beyond our wildest imaginations. Most times these hoped for scenarios would and will remain elusive, occasionally though something in our existence changes and the impossible has a potential to become real. I have found that remaining in a state of optimism, regardless of how life is happening around me, the chance for some incredible thing happening in my life is more likely to occur. I don't know with absolute authority if what I have just admitted is true, however it seems that way in my life. I do know that if something tremendous does happen I will be psychologically prepared to recognize and accept it without any confusion or cynicism. I have maintained that there are two traits that dominate the human experience, compassion and curiosity, and the denial of these two traits, severally or individually, to any human is what brings about the other less desirable traits humans fall into when compassion and/or curiosity are being denied. I have never heard a countering argument to my theory that has any more logic to it than the one I propound. Unless someone can show me the error of my belief, in universal compassion and curiosity theory, then it will remain the one that I make my judgements from. It is where I start my day and end my night so that when I am in practice with them I am always in a hopeful and desirable mode, and in position to occasionally experience an indescribable feeling.

Dream World (#123)

It is very common for me to dream at night after I have fallen asleep. What is curious to me is that my dreams take on a life of their own and my being in them is exhausting yet exciting. My normal days are nowhere near as chaotically challenging as my nighttime dream world. My valued principles of honor, courage and ethics follow me into my dreams which make for interesting circumstances. How I would face the same circumstances in real life is still dubious but in my dream world my standards for myself seem to hold true. I find my dream world fascinating in that it has the qualities of existence that I think should be present in my real world. Their is no lethargy of emotion about the troubles of our times like I experience when I'm awake. My dream world is full of emotion and crusades to correct wrong behavior and social injustices. Not to mention all that traveling through the universe and my ability to transport myself through thought or by actually being able to fly. There have been periods of time where my dream world became the greatest reason for me to maintain my real world. Somewhat backward, nevertheless true. I don't know what to make of my dream world but I know I am very glad that it exists. I'm the guy who loves to read stories and learn of other's experiences. Maybe my dreams are just an extension of the input I get from reading and watching television, I suppose it is. My dream world is just another example of why I enjoy being alive everyday and continue to be humbled by existence.

Determination is Key (#122)

What an experience it is to be alive and living life. To think greater things than our existence is a beautiful thing. Our creative minds allow us to imagine a whirlwind of possibilities. We don't have to limit ourselves to just what surrounds us. The mediums of arts and crafts give us ways to explore new concepts without having to create them ourselves. Whether paintings, film, books of words or many of the other forms of communicating new interpretations of creative thought, we are privileged to be in a society that pushes for these expressions. We are very little without all those who came before us with their ideals and theories. We are an amalgamation of our ancestors and fore-bearers because of records and stories passed down through history. What I know about myself is that without what has happened in the past my present and future would be devoid of comprehensive critical thinking and modern progression. Without this society of shared commonality, my worth in my own mind would be as it should be, humbled and awed. I am determined to be an advocate for increasing the ways human thought and human possibilities are expressed and delivered to any and all who would enjoy the pleasure of learning and increasing the creativity of the human species.