The magnificence of life (#274)

I was just sitting here meditating on the title of this posting when a dawning of a reality set upon me. I was reminded once again that the peace of this present moment is a gift of amazing proportion. The sensations I am able to enjoy have an artificial atmosphere in which I have a good amount of control over. I am sitting in the high desert, approximately 4300 feet, early in the morning with the outside temperature around 40 degrees. Although the outside cold is near, the inside warmth is surrounding me at a comfortable 70 degrees. I just finished off two very healthy pieces of wheat toast with a few cups of tasty coffee. I am typing on my laptop this posting, which will go over the Internet when I publish it, thoughts I wish to share with any and all of humanity. My appreciation for the most fundamental and bare dirt basics in my life are clear and objective. Thank you life for bringing me to you. It is still real and objective that today someone else is sitting in the high desert in some other part of the world with nothing but the cold outside. I am a realist and shall be a humble one because I recognize that the world is all of us just not only me. Humanity has such a task ahead of itself. Bringing to bear all of our efforts to shape our society toward meaningful birth control with dignity and respect for those who are birthed and live within existence. Birth control sounds so ominous but what I mean to convey is having children, not as chattel or with no thought to how they must live but as a gift to our world that the parents hope to nurture and love. The human experiment will only succeed with the best of our hearts, minds and souls displaying the characteristics of compassion and curiosity and our will to survive.

My home is where my heart is (#273)

Although many things seem be to wresting for position in my mind the one constant is that whenever I think above my thoughts a smile still comes to my face. I know why this happens, it is because regardless of the endless streams of practical and creative images forming in my mind I am still happy in my heart. Many things are happening around me at this time yet my soul is content and that fact alone is my rock. The continual change happening to me is not taking place in my heart. I will always have the goodness within me as a constant companion wherever and whatever I am doing. I think of my little animals that I love and who give me back their affection, and the time I have been away from them. It is somewhat heartbreaking but also more-so an anticipation upon returning and seeing them again. Some of my family and friends have been waiting for me to come home and look them into the face with a real smile of reconnecting. I may be a thousand miles away but my home is in my heart. That is where the warmth of all my good memories reside. My memories are sufficient today in keeping me balanced and healthy in my approach to the obligations I must greet. The feelings in my heart also serve me in bringing who I am to the myriad new people I am meeting and getting to know. New friends are very good but my old friends are too and I miss them when I don't see them. Such are the demands of society when obligations must be met. I will continue to smile the smile of a man who has found a road to travel that offers contentment. Truly, my home is where my heart is and today my heart is with all of those that I know.

Still looking forward (#272)

Again fear has it's temptations with me. Temptations only though. This world has it's way of making me think, temporarily, that it is too complicated for me to be effective in it. Ha! I am still plagued at very small moments with the fleeting thought that I don't measure up to normal standards. This is a normal human condition that I believe is shared by all or most all of our society at large. It only takes me a few seconds to rationalize the thoughts away to the trash bin in my mind. I am the man who is on a mission to improve himself and by extension hopefully reflect back to others as a good example. This is my only goal in life that has my constant vigilance. I also am looking for that life partner to share my life with but that is up to fate and destiny because I am not able to find this person on my own. My future still holds mystery and confidence that is allowing me to look forward to everyday that comes as I awaken. I am privileged to be in existence and hope to continue to be here as long as my mind and body will allow me. Carpe diem, seize the day, is my spirit; and Manifest destiny, claiming all from horizon to horizon, is my wish for the kind of future I hope for the best of mankind to create.

Come what may (#271)

Bring it on. The fortitude to show the strength necessary to confront whatever circumstance that presents itself in my life is girded by the truth. Honest application of my being is how I approach the challenges I face today. My continual conversation concerning living a life of a principled man who only wishes to be better at life is the impetus for me to face the daily challenges regardless of their nature. The foundation of me is still being built but it is strong in character and action. Knowing that who I am is what will be my greatest ally in facing uncertainty is comforting in that there is a peace within me that my spirit experiences. There are some challenges awaiting me in the present work position I am filling. I understand also that I take these circumstances as personal challenges. Maybe my approach is a bit overstated but my resolve to handle and complete them is highly focused. My ability to adapt to any situation is being tested with challenges that are a bit difficult and complex. However, my life as a principled man gives me the inner fortitude to accept these challenges with the grace of a man who will accept nothing less than a job well done. I really like who I am today and today is the time I need to really like myself. As fate or destiny would have it, it is my time to show what I am capable of doing.

Each and every individual human (#270)

There is no playbook. There is no guide to being human. We as a society of humans have offered ideas about how to live but there is no absolute way. Deep down within us exists our will or our soul, however you decide to describe that which makes you, you. And in the person of yourself exists the ability we call being alive and functioning as a human being. As a category of life, we are unique. We are biological with an inherent ability to reason and remember. The awesomeness of that reality is overwhelming. I am incredulous at my ability to reason and communicate, so much so, that I feel absolutely humbled at the prospect of actually reasoning and learning more. It is my life's ambition to relentlessly search for knowledge with all the vigor I possess. I have been working toward being the better and best human being I can possibly become but also attempting to learn and understand the little mysteries I am capable of comprehending. My personal judgement about how I am living and what I am learning is foremost and fundamental to who I am. I will never abrogate my personal humanity to any other being in existence without just cause to sacrifice and principled honor. Being a man of honor is my goal in life since I was less than that in my past. My perspective has evolved to include my admitting of faults and my determination to correct those that remain within me but to also move forward and creating a better past and present through my actions today. The future is where my heart of hopes lay and that is the impetus to the individual being I am. We all struggle to know who we are but when we do find out that we are all given the same ingredients with which to define ourselves, more times than not we will find that our better and best instincts define who we are and the end result will be for others to judge.

I must do the next right thing (#269)

To be selfish would not allow me to do the next right thing. This statement is a stark reminder to me of just how difficult it can be for me to transform to the person I wish to become. The key for me to an agreeable transformation is my sentinel duty to remain in the present. Now, I just bet some of you think that I must be a simpleton if my only duty is to be in the present. How absurd of me not to be in the present. What is difficult for me is to keep my mind from wandering into what my or your or our future should be instead of just experiencing the present. The future will come to me in the form of the present. If I have been attentive to the present and done the next right thing right in front of me then most times the future will be what it is naturally supposed to be. I am a guest in existence with some control over myself and very little control over the immediate things around me. I accept this premise and hope to someday improve my will over my immediate surroundings through becoming a better example to others for how to live a good life. However the choice still will remain with those who choose. My significant insignificance is appropriately measured and appreciated by myself. The lesser I think of myself and think instead of others the greater the stature I reflect back to those whose lives I touch. By being less about me I become more of who I am. A conundrum perhaps in describing my actions but no conundrum in the reality of the result.

"The times they are a changing"-Bob Dylan (#268)

Such a simple observant statement. Yet some things will or should never change. An example is another quote by a man named Dylan, Dylan Thomas. "Do not go gentle into that good night". The theme in Dylan Thomas's poem is instilled in the line, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light". Our indomitable spirits should never change from the premise of struggling to survive. Our nature's are resilient and persevere against all the changes in the times that we experience. Change is reality, it must come as a consequence of measuring time, and should also be embraced with our most ardent expectations. Realizing that times change is one thing. Realizing that we must hold dear and near to us the principles of good and right about ourselves is what we should always resolve to never change. The dynamics of living in a world that offers constant change with the dynamic of ourselves evolving from the better toward the best is our task in existence. We must isolate the principles of our natures that must always be the make-up of who we are and shine light on them as the example of how to live in a world not of our own design. Often I feel as if we are in an incubator of sorts just trying to find the best combination of living. This little analogy is too simple and is only an inkling of how much more complex existence is, however the process of defining humanity within the scope of animate and inanimate objects is continual. Our osmosis will occur but not without us cherishing and defending the best of who we are in both cognition and behaviour.

Diversity and Tolerance (#267)

My life in a nutshell. Tolerance and diversity, a very big key to how to look at the world. The phenomenon of "the arrogance of self" has no home in my life. It is because I have concluded that I am a part of the world like everyone else, that I have been given the insight to know that diversity and tolerance are natural and unique. The idea of sameness for all inclusion is fallacious thinking. The idea of difference for inclusion is reality. The fear associated with difference is to be no barrier to embracing difference and admiring it's qualities. Again I reiterate that I had no hand in creating existence, therefore do not get the option of judging or controlling it's reality. It is unfortunate that I must write on this subject, since it should be obvious that freedom to be an individual is guaranteed in our American Constitution. Despite the Constitutional guarantee, common sense and logic of diversity and tolerance of diversity have been in evidence throughout nature since the advent of Mankind. I contend that fear has always been misinterpreted as a conclusion. Fear is a premise in which to build on other premises toward an eventual conclusion. There is still much to learn from the sensation of fear and our infant understanding of it's application in the human experience has yet to fully evolve. Until then there are other remedies available to us in conquering and understanding those things which are different and unusual. Humility, being the best way to approach all of existence and a sense of curiosity in furthering knowledge to lessen the unknown.

Resourcing my principles (#266)

I can't explain why things happen when they do but I can be somewhat prepared for any situation simply by employing my principles for living. As I mature into the ideal of the man I hope to be, I begin to live the principles necessary for that long never-ending process. In living the process of acquiring principles and implementing them into my daily actions I am also preparing myself to act on principles when unexpected situations arise. I am rebuilding the foundation of who I am, based on the ideal of the man I want to be. I am not just giving words to print as evidence of my transformation. I have realized that the experiences and emotions of living a principled life are worthy of my full attention and are my most ardent and desired wish. Being a man of principle is the greatest gift I can give myself and, through actions and thoughts, the greatest gift I can give to humanity. I will continually be humbled by the fact that I am alive and functioning in existence. The knowledge that I can have some control over who I can be and have enough control to actually go about a process to make that happen is hopeful. In the hopefulness and correct application of principles, I can then begin to live the dream life of service to humanity and continue toward representing the true nature of myself and possibly be an example to others as a pathway to how to live a life of purpose and contentment.

The barriers to our souls (#265)

Fear, it has many forms to disguise itself with. But in the end it is always just fear. I wonder what the real purpose of fear is as opposed to what it has become in our age. In our age it is the barrier that is constructed to lessen the experiences life has for us. It is also a kindling flame in the circular fire of separation and division. What I believe fear truly is, is more to do with the unknown and discovery of the unknown then anything else. Our true natures should be filled with curiosity and wonderment. I contend that fear is the spark to awareness of new things and the catalyst for initiating discovery. Fear has a positive connotation in my rationalization. Fear tells me that I am about something I am unsure or unknowing of. Proper grammar aside, my description on this subject is far more important than my grammatical symmetry. I have delved deep within myself to expose my reasoning on how fear should be viewed. Now is the time. Fear is an ally waiting to be understood. Fear can and should expose our own weaknesses as well as weaknesses of others. Showing weakness is natural and progressive, for how should we strengthen ourselves in areas of weakness if we don't expose them and move forward from them. This blog started out being about barriers to our souls and the link I make to the title from the context of fear is that when we find we have an understanding of how to approach fear we then open ourselves to others with less inhibition and embarrassment. Life is a funny old thing and we all experience it. It would be wonderful if we all could experience our fears with a sense of courage and naturalness reflective of fear as a tool to growing and learning which in my estimation would remove barriers from our souls and allow us to accept all of us as just human with a goal to experience humanity.

Friends are everywhere (#264)

Something different in today's blog post. I am thinking about how easy it is to make and keep friends even under trying circumstances. All it takes is constant effort, really constant effort. That may sound like too much but what else am I doing. If making and keeping friends is important to me then why not keep making the constant effort to show them that they are important to me. It all boils down to what is important to me in my living of my life. I have already stated, in previous postings, that selfishness focused on me is not acceptable so what is left is selflessness on my part toward everyone who would be, or is my friend. I feel like the little engine who could. I believe I feel this way because when I do things for others I get a benefit of energized vitality. My life is less difficult and more satisfying. This works for me and I don't know how it would work for others but I would suggest everyone consider the cost/benefit analysis of enjoying greater mental and emotional health versus ego-satisfaction. I have tried both and will never go backward toward ego-satisfaction because it is illusory and never quite fulfilling. Ghandi had it right, Sister Teresa also, thinking and helping others is the real satisfaction I feel when I am in service to the ideal of humble giving. Truly friends are everywhere when the genuineness of my spirit is being revealed. There is no superficiality to honesty on display.

What it is to be human (#263)

It isn't like I know what it is to be human, it is just that there are some signs that show me what it is to be human. My own inner discovery of who I am gives me some clues and applying logic to the clues I can generalize about humanity. I am not the template for what humanity is but I am a starting point along with observation of other human activity. Philosophy has been the dominant paradigm of our history in describing our purpose and activity in existence. Thought and cognition are important rationales for understanding our surroundings, however for the sake of what it is to be human must rely on our instinct to be in the present. I am what I am right now, right now, right now, etc.... Emotion and our physical/chemical make-up are also factors in defining who we are at any given moment. I try to lessen the impact of those properties and focus on the quiet or calm times we have, when we can reflect on our own self-examination. We are alive and a growing entity with thoughts and emotions. We are also an animal with instincts that bind us through generations. The melding of our evolved instincts and behavior patterns, indoctrinated in us for better living in an organized society, continue to compromise with each other. On the larger scale of this morphing of complexities within ourselves is the ability to comprehend and adjust our beings to balance ourselves when an imbalance of ourselves occur. As the enlightenment of ourselves continues the heightened sense of knowledge gained from becoming more of who we are in a progressive mindset, the more we will be able to see existence with eyes that aren't shaded by the lesser instincts of early humanity.

The balance of heart and mind (#262)

When I was younger and less experienced I was inclined to make decisions based on logic and percentages solely. I considered these two factors to be the most important ingredients in deciding courses of action for human activity. My thinking was based upon the majority and held less to little concern for the minority. My transition from that strategy of decision making policy to a more balanced decision making policy of including majority and minority is now where my more mature thought process has arrived. The least of us is our weakest point and my contention is that our weakness's should be where we concentrate our greatest effort. I often hear how the stronger of us feel left out because the resources our society devotes to our lesser advantaged humans has left them with minimal resource allocation. I am heartened in my own life by the feeling of compassion I have within me and how fortunate I am that I can see my own strengths and be grateful I have them in force. I am less concerned with resource allocation and more concerned with how my heart reacts to situations our society has as a by-product of it's progress. My principles for living my life keep me in a place where my own personal reality is not my focus. My focus is on giving of my own strengths to those who have little or no strengths of their own. I am always in awe of my existence and I know it is of no creation of my own. My attitude is that I enjoy the living I am experiencing and humbly acknowledge life in all it's shapes and forms. Life is not about me, it is about everything else!

Human survival (#261)

I wish to speak about health care and it's impact on human survival. There are no guarantees that a universal health care program for all Americans will improve the health of us, but there is no proof that not having universal health care will. Common sense about the American society providing universal health care to it's citizens seems a logical construct. The science of health is still in it's infancy and the knowledge that could be gained by examining the largest pool of individuals increases our chances of discovering health concerns, both positive and negative, increases by percentage. The concept that a healthier nation of citizens will be available to contribute to society seems a logical consequence as well. The personal advantage to each individual as well is the timeliness of receiving health care. There would be quicker responses to health issues if coverage were available as opposed to waiting for a financial advantage to address health issues as I, for one, must consider in deciding to address a health issue. The greater opportunity for our society to inculcate principles of goodness comes to mind as well. When one of our main goals within our existence is to care for each other with good intent, the lesson of that becomes an example for us to permeate throughout other areas of our society. The present debate finds it way to how to finance such an endeavor, while the goal of health care for all seems to have a high percentage of favorable agreement. Our society uses monetary structures as a basis for keeping our society intact. The struggle with money and it's effect on our society's health should not overshadow the great importance of keeping our society compassionate about our own survival.

The natural flow of my being (#260)

I often find myself assuming things in my head as a starting point but quickly realize what I am doing. At that point I rationalize to myself the absurdity of my assuming thoughts and quickly eliminate them. I find myself back in the present moment, which is where I belong on a constant basis, less some important advanced thinking I might need to formulate. The title of this blog posting is the natural flow of my being and what I mean by that is that I need to allow my person to just go about what I do without trying to plan my moves. In many of my blog postings I have iterated the fact that I have found myself. In knowing who I am I must occasionally remind myself that I need to trust my instincts in every situation. I have ordered my thoughts and actions around the better and best of human principles and I need to allow them to flow through my actions and thoughts with free movement. I trust that as time goes by the principles I strive to have in my life will naturally appear as responses to any given circumstance. There is some caution during my growth toward my ideals as I don't wish to harm anyone as I attempt to become the man I hope to be. This is where I find myself trusting the flow of my essence with great scrutiny. It is less to do with fear and more to do with being a positive influence without interjecting myself into the equation. If all I have said seems a bit muddled it is because I am trying to say that my goal for the rest of my life is to be an example of humanity that anyone could appreciate.

Mentoring as a duty (#259)

I want to establish what the requirement of a duty is. It is a conscious conclusion that a owe is due and/or that our nature demands that we be consistent in our behavior toward a principled action. For me, it is both, with a higher calling coming from my conscious about owing something back for which I perceive as a gift or act of kindness. The duty I will try to demonstrate is also a natural progression of the Human experience. When Humanity is in it's proper state of being, duty will only be perceived as an act that exemplifies our better and best attributes. The establishment of duty within Humanity is obviously shown in the fact that we raise our children to become like us or even better than us. This is the segway to mentoring that is the subject of this posting. Mentoring is not just for our children it is also for all of Humanity when we can be in contact. I distinguish no one from each other in my hope to give of myself. There are people from all walks of life who are searching to find themselves and how they belong within our society. I am fortunate to know my place within this existence and the humanity and other life forms that inhabit it with us. I, then, instinctively and consciously, have an obligation to have conversation about subjects that are brought to me that I can bring understanding to or at least offer different approaches toward progressing possibilities. I sense my obligation to be a mentor and hold that honor with much regard and respect. The principled man I hope to become would do no less.

The wonderment within me (#258)

Everyday I continue to find that I am curious about something right when I am starting my day. Nothing in my life has become so comfortable or familiar that there isn't something that has my curiosity piqued. It has come to be an expectation of mine to be uncomfortable about many things which in turn keeps me on my toes with just about everything. Curious that being uncomfortable is my best instinct for keeping myself in a keen awareness state. I suppose that being uncomfortable about life is somewhat the opposite of what most other people in life are aiming to achieve. Comfort is an ideal that is striven toward. When I start to feel comfortable about anything I am now wary of it's status quo. Of course there are exceptions to the comfort/uncomfortable position I am trying to lay out about myself. That being a shared relationship of love with someone. I would want to find a comfort for the two of us as we interact together. Even in a personal relationship, however, comfortable can easily become dull and uncaring. The complexity of life and situations deserve my best efforts and being lazy or procrastinating can only detract from any best effort. If comfort is used in the fashion of catching one's breath and charting a better course for life then comfort has that positive appeal. For most situations though, comfort has become the top of the mountain instead of a fortuitous ledge to aid in temporary rest. I will continue to wonder and continue to live my life with the knowledge that it is never going to be a dream, only hard work and selfless expressions will bring the comfort to my life that I so desperately need.

I don't know what I am doing (#257)

Truly, I don't know what I am doing and I could not be any more satisfied. It has always been my problem that when I orchestrate some plan of mine I rarely end up with a desired result. What I am talking about on this posting is my life seems to be on a course of it's own. I am just in the Carl enjoying the ride. How I am getting to where I am going is just by doing the best principled thing in front of me and allowing destiny or fate or whatever you call it to do it's thing. How refreshing life is at the moment since I am being pleasantly surprised by someone who I had never met before a couple of weeks ago. The uniqueness of life in existence is proving it's truth to me today. I am elevated above the normal emotions and stresses the day usually brings to a place where I am inured of petty or chaotic feelings. There are many things I could say now but probably the most truthful thing would be is that I have an extra dose of happiness coursing through me and I am willing to tell you about it. It is in the How I am living today, with no desire to forge my own destiny only to live in each second of every second I have left to live. I am not navigating a course for myself I am just letting myself drift on the current of life and making principled decisions wherever they appear for me to make. I have found the key to living my life. Simply put, I am just being and allowing my presence to be felt in how I am just being. Always doing the next right and good and fair and generous and strong thing that defines the best of what I have within my soul.

Take the leap (#256)

This posting is about my thoughts on dating. I found someone who I think I can enjoy a relationship with here in New Mexico. I am going to take the leap and go on a date with her. She has accepted my invitation to go out, somewhere yet to be determined. I have an excited edge to me not unlike the feelings I had when I was a teenager and was going out on my initial dates. I called her up on the phone and asked her if she would like to go out sometime soon and she said yes. It is always such a relief when a woman tells me yes, she would like to go out on a date. I told her I felt a little awkward asking her out and she laughed at my statement. That little laugh was what I needed to relax and start the rest of our conversation about where to go and how to figure that out. When I was done with the phone call I felt really good about the call and how we were able to navigate those first few awkward moments. I am a gentlemen and will continue to be a gentlemen on our date but I will also be warm and thoughtful of our time together and hopefully advance our date to another one and become closer as time dictates. I am still a little nervous since I just don't ask women out without having a good feel for how I feel about them. So this is my first date in a very long time and I feel a bit rusty. I am sure that once we are together and out and about I will not feel the nervousness but will just be my fun loving self and try to make her feel like she is the center of my attention. She will be the center of my attention and getting to know her better is why we will be doing whatever we do wherever we are at. I am looking forward to sharing my time with a woman who is attentive to me as well. Good luck to both of us.

My happiness comes from within me (#255)

There is no doubt within me that my happiness is not dependent on anything outside of me. I have found that living other people's expectations is not for me. Living my own expectations is. My truth can be hard to discern at times but I find that discerning my truth is worth my invested time. Not every solution I come across for myself is a happy solution. I feel lonely occasionally by the outcomes that present themselves to me. I will always be tempted to modify my outcomes in order to be apart of some group so that the loneliness can be abated. I know this temptation is wrong and I will not follow it's allure. Compromising my principles for the sake of my own fallibility's is dishonest and weak. What I have found also is that the greatest achievement I strive to leave in my life's wake is a comprehensive consistency of values and principles in how I live my life. My personal failings are not the point of my life and will not be given any dispensation. The adage, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, is valid in a metaphorical sense when applied to how I must continue to be the better and best of human nature as an example of who I wish to become. This is the greater goal of mine. I will not sacrifice my truth because I have the outcome of loneliness as an occasional occurrence. My happiness is greater than loneliness or any other personal failing I experience. The shaping of who I am is continual and does not rely on emotional or societal factors, just the best of human principles. True happiness indeed!

An Ocean of tears in my heart (#254)

There will never be enough time for me to tell you of all the things in this world that make tears in my heart. A world as magnificent as Planet Earth yet just as mightily human ability to harm ourselves overwhelmingly. My little universe of living is peaceful and seldom more chaotic than calm, yet just beyond my presence is a world full of pain and suffering caused mostly by selfish and non-caring attitudes. It is abominable that occasionally I must tell the Universe my apology for how my family of humans behaves toward one another. I am not our spokesman, however I will speak at truth when it comes to my doorstep. I am not ashamed to being human but at times I don't feel the might and right that humanity should constantly permeate within me. I have given any fear the boot from my life and will not stand by idly when less than principled behavior or verbal cognition is displayed. When the gentler souls of our humanity are in pain then I am in pain. My greatest attribute is that my strength is everyone else' strength when I can positively contribute. My heart, my humanity and my compassion will never feel defeat only victory or death. That is my promise to all of humanity.

The people we meet (#253)

I have had the privilege of meeting many people who have become so memorable in my mind. I suppose it is a combination of character and principle that stands out the most. I know that we are all unique and individual in our own right, but some of the people I have met have left an imprint on me that is eternal to who I am because they came into my life. It is amazing to me that there are times that I don't recognize them initially when I encounter them but upon further self-examination I conclude their significance for what it truly is. I wish I was more computer-like in being able to assimilate and evaluate information in a constant present state, but that is not how I am hard-wired. The fact that I eventually collate all my thoughts into a consortium of ideas is what I have to live with. Regardless, I am still impressed by the variety of souls who pass through my life. It is my contention that we all help to make each other who we are by being ourselves. We have the ability, if we choose, to recognize the best of others and try to emulate those best traits where we need them into our lives. If all I get are memories of the individuals who have crossed my path then lucky me for that small smile I reveal when I put those thoughts to reflection. I can never say this enough, what an honor it is for me to be in existence and know how much I truly appreciate all the good that existence has to offer.

What is my motivation? (#252)

What makes me tick. something within me when I was a child forced me to decide how I wanted to represent me. I did an examination of how I wanted to be and then focused my time on becoming that. Initially my instinct of who I was inside me at the time has been consistent with who I have been inside me since then. I correctly realized that I wanted to do good and help others. Too many times I had spent uncomfortable moments in circumstances that did not put good and helping others as priorities. I felt uncomfortable when I was in situations that were not good or selfish. I made it my goal to find a way to make my reality better than the reality was in general when I was not in control of the circumstances. Today I find my comfort zone with how I live and what I do to represent me. I see life as a gift. What a miracle it is for me to be alive and in this existence. Somehow I will continue to express myself based upon the principles of good and helpfulness until the end of my life here in existence.

Technology and the human experiment (#251)

Life to me has been like a crash course. One complication after another just waiting for an acceptable solution. I now realize that I don't need to be immersed in the process to find the solution. I can just be me, Carl, and do what I know to be the best of what I can and accept and go on to the next situation. I will not live or die by any one particular choice I make, but I have to treat my choices with due diligence given. Through the process of trial and error, the implementation of common sense and the practice of logic I have come to know some general solutions that can be applied to most of the situations I encounter in my life. There are some situations that require more from me than what I have to give. This is where I have come to rely on technology to help me understand situations I am less familiar with. Searching data banks online, talking to others with more expertise and/or experience through online media to help fill in some of the questions I have before I can make a decision, have become necessary. My human experience is enhanced by technology because I am able to communicate in a way I did not have when I was younger. Learning to adjust and change my life to new forms of communication and learning has been an adventure I particularly enjoy.

Paying attention to the details (#250)

Success can be experienced by how well I am able to resolve every issue before me. The success I am talking about is the conscious effort I give to mediate every circumstance that requires attention and then even to every circumstance that does not require attention. How well do I want to do a task I am responsible for? That is always the first premise in the logical sequence I outline for my taking on any task. I keep myself aware of what the particulars are of any project I am doing and try to break that project down as well as break down my process in order to look at and evaluate the smaller details of the whole assignment. It is amazing to me that every time I break down the project and process as far as I can the whole picture of the assignment comes into focus. I am also given insight into how and where my sticking points or trouble spots are going to effect the entire project. As I look closer at the details the solutions become more and more readily apparent. When I eventually get done with an assignment I see that all those little details that I have been successful in navigating toward their solution have made the whole of the project appear to have been smoothly completed. By my giving the smallest of the details as much attention as the largest of the details I have found a way to be successful in completing my task.

The Universe (#249)

Wow, what a title for my little daily blog. I wonder how I am going to say something of an enlightened nature about something that is obviously so mysterious. I am within the universe, I believe. With that premise I can conclude that I am a part of the Universe as well. I don't know where I am going with this but follow along if you care and we will see where this can take us. If I am part of the Universe then that logic would make me a Universal being. Unique within the Universe in that most of what I know of the Universe is made up of inanimate objects. The other animate objects appear to be of a degree of life-form not as gifted with obvious abilities such that are inherent within the Human species. This echelon of uniqueness that humans inhabit within the Universe is at a level that appears to have no peers or more physically gifted beings. If that is the case then Humanity sits alone, for now, at the top rung of uniqueness of animate objects within the Universe. Certainly, many arguments about a higher omnipresent power will be advanced as well as the argument that greater gifted life-forms also inhabit the Universe beyond our ability to discover them. But for now only the sense of our physical preceptors can give us empirical data to justify logic for the sake of all of us being on a common thread of agreement, generally. My contention is that armed with only what we sense with our 5 senses can we at least establish a baseline for our habitation within the Universe. I look forward to continuing this line of reasoning at another time and also incorporating our gut feelings and intuitions as a variation to the 5 senses.

Happy in my own skin (#248)

This is my theme for the day. Happy in my own skin. It has taken me most of my life to date to finally reflect on the fact that I am not anxious about who I am or what I am. I am me. Nothing special but totally unique. I am not worried about what you think of me, again, I am not worried about what you think of me. Life is too short and and I have things I want to see and do and say. The only entity that I temper my humility towards is the Universe. All things. Pretty cool. I am judged by everything and everything is my master. There is a calm within me in accepting that I am required to be the best I have in me. Granted these are my own personal standards. Kind of circular how I did that, I mean I am comfortable in my own skin as long as I am held accountable by everything. It fits my natural instinct of compassion and curiosity to perfection. I have always been my own worst critic, now I can be my own worst critic with the expectation that I must and will stand behind the principles of good and fair without doubt in myself or through superficial criticisms from others. I am free to be me without fear. I like who I am and I am not ashamed of who I am. I am not special, just unique, that is all I can say about me. The rest of what I am can be judged by all those who wish to judge who I am. I am glad that after all these years I have found my soul and not found it lacking. What time I have left on this Planet is all just a pleasure, a privilege to be part of an existence that allows for thought to be expressed and senses to be enjoyed.

The Power outside of me (#247)

What I choose to call fate or destiny or the natural occurrence of events has begun to have a new meaning to me. I am finding that a form or power outside of me is shaping my direction as to how I get to where I am wanting to go. You may say well what type of evidence do you have to support your contention that shaping of your present and future is occurring Carl? I would respond that when I try to do something with an intent and an incompleteness occurs, the follow-up attempt without an intent arrives me at a better place than when I first tried with an intent. This may seem confusing and even to me it does not fully explain my experience, however it is close and I don't want to muddy up my explanation any further by trying to explain my explanation. Suffice it to say that something seems to be guiding me toward my truth and my natural essence. To maybe give more insight could be helpful. It is as if I have been ignoring who I am and wanting just for the sake of wanting. Now I am in a closer relationship with who I am and what I want is what I feel within me. My truth is coming to the consciousness of my thoughts and actions. I have a long way to go to ever fully understand myself but I have begun the process and the natural order of events in my life seem to be directed by more than my own intuition. I am the humble servant of existence today and yet existence seems to have a purpose for me. I am waiting and willing to allow existence to take me where existence wants me to be.

I continue to change (#246)

How appropriate this subject is for me today. Nothing special to report but just how I am feeling about my life and my future this morning. I am getting ready to decide on a return home date for a break from work within the next few weeks. It is amazing to me that I am somewhat reluctant to leave the work right now when it is starting to become efficiently operated. Being a member of a team of people to bring about an accomplishment of a projected goal is a rewarding feeling. On the other side of my decision are the family and friends I have been away from for going on two months. It is starkly mindful when I have a view in my head of a particular place back home and a longing sensation fills me of many memories of it. I know that the rest I would get would be welcome. I am running on the edge of my effectiveness. How much longer I can go like this is beginning to become a concern for me. I am not in any jeopardy, health-wise, but it could become a factor later on at this pace. I have less feelings for staying and more feelings for going home on a break but the difference is not much. I suppose that the end of this job, which is in the first week of December, is soon, but probably not soon enough to warrant not taking the offered break. Besides, there are some faces I need to look at that belong to people I really care about. As I continue to notice small changes in myself, I realize that I will not be going back the same man I was when I left. How appropriate.

The Tapestry of our lives (#245)

The Tapestry of our lives is who we are and how we present that. It isn't always clear how and who we are at the time so the important thing to remember is that if we hold closely to our ideals through fairness and causing no harm we should have quite an accurate picture of ourselves as we continue through time in existence. The richness and fullness that is felt as a sensation within our emotions can be the most rewarding experience life has to offer. It is amazing that the little small inconsequential actions that make up all the big and bigger actions of our lives have such a profound impact on the biggest actions we make as human beings. The sense I hope to have at the end of my life is one knowing full well the disappointments and success' in total can be counted as a positive influence during my time on Planet Earth. To have the awareness that what I have lived as and about, is a close to what I hope for all to have, as much as is within my power to make or create. I am already satisfied with my time on Earth and can only hope to make what time I have left even more enjoyable. Everything ties together like a tapestry, every decision and action I make has a consequence that effects who and what I am. I am so happy to be in a place where my life is greater than any one event, I truly am blessed with this opportunity to be alive

Never too late (#244)

It is evening already and I am just sitting down to start my daily blog, how extraordinary. I have normally finished my blog by early morning. It is my contention that the earlier I write, the more thought provoking and insightful my comments may be. As I am writing this now though I don't sense any wavering in my thoughts. Maybe my thoughts are not as illuminating as they might be if I was operating off of a good long sleep. I know that physically I am tired and very well could be operating under the illusion that I have all my brain cells in fine working order. There is also another factor to consider, I had a somewhat difficult root canal done on one of my molars this morning and I might be affected by the drilling and medication. I am not attempting to excuse my writing as just a bunch of hash, but I do wish to make a clear point about something. What that something is has not been revealed by me yet but most assuredly I am coming up to it now. The free flow of thought regardless of time and space is both, equally magnificent and quite ordinary. Of all the thoughts that have been thought to think that I might, daily no less, come up with a new or original thought is arrogance to infinity. What I try to do however is to rearrange words and thoughts to allow for new conventions and new rationalizations. Thinking, or in my case writing, can be the first in a series of premises that may bring forth a conclusion that could be relevant to us or our ancestors.