It isn't just getting to know myself, it is also getting myself to be who I am. What I mean is I am still reactionary and catch myself in behaviour that I had hoped to put behind me. It is a matter of control. Just because I know what I want to be is no indication that I will be what I want to be. It is a matter of molding my reactions to the behaviour I wish to reflect back out. This is all new to me. Gauging how I react by the ideals I wish to exemplify. I have always been more of a natural reactionary individual with little regard to the outcome of all my circumstances. It is impossible for me to continue being reactionary without some semblance of prior thought. I am continually finding myself on the edge of some incorrect behaviour and I don't like the sense of it. There has to be a better way for me to express myself without it being a danger to the person I wish to become. I am fighting the battle of process as it relates to thought and action. The battle may never be over in my lifetime but the attempt to continue to find a better way of being a reactionary human being is my quest and a quest of importance since it is what is troubling me the most in my current life.
No comments:
Post a Comment