I am in a battle with myself. I sometimes catch myself wanting to do something or obtain something for purely selfish reasons. I am amazed at this! It is as if I have some dual personality working within me. lol. Actually, I know it isn't, instead it is me losing focus on my priorities. Yes, I lose focus and think some really selfish thoughts. There is a lack of discipline within my mind that allows me to daydream when I should be busy examining things in my purview with more scrutiny. It is a function of my previous lack of principled living coming back to visit me from time to time. That I don't catch it immediately is my greatest disappointment. Regardless of my occasional failings, what is most important is for me to have at the ready the motive for my thoughts and actions. Everything I do must be purposeful. Those previous behaviors of whimsical generation that I allowed as acceptable are no longer welcome. The cost to my soul is too high. Certainly, organizing my motives as to priority and acceptability remain a constant task but the idea that I would put to motion a thought process or action without having my motive known to me is absurd in principle. When I look around me and discover experience and knowledge, I then realize a sense of purpose which relates directly to any honorable motive I conceptualize. I am an idealist, who lives in a less great real world. It is not hard to see where my motivations tend to ascribe themselves within me. I want better for not just me and mine but for you and yours. I found out long ago when I was just a young child that the best of who we are and the good of that is worthy of my best and any efforts I apply toward it.
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