There are many times when I wish I didn't. I have it within me to isolate away in my own world without making a peep of a noise to anyone else. I am getting more and more like this everyday. When I was younger I had no time to be alone as I always had some plan for interaction on a non-stop basis. It is reasonable to understand that I was still figuring out life on the foundational level therefore, I needed to be in constant contact with situations and circumstances as a means for learning. But now that I have grown older I have come to understand the basics of life and have no great desire to repeat the lessons of my youth. It is harder to stay interested in the day to day happenings going on around me unless I have a passion for a particular subject. It should not matter whether I am available to interact in many things I do not care to participate in. Yet, it does matter, here's why. Even though I enjoy isolating away from life around me, I need to be a part of life in order to justify who I am and who I have become. Deep inside me is a recognition that I do matter and I want to feel that others recognize me for that. This opens up the concept of me being a social animal. I am not jut an individual I at times try to become, rather I am just another human who is a part of the community of humans. We all bring something to this existence and I am learning to be patient and listen to others in order to know what those somethings are. I have to be engaged and not let myself fade into an isolationist mode. I need to be with everyone else sharing the something that I bring. I do matter even when I don't want to matter. I have a duality of conflict within me that constantly leads me to a fork in the road. I have to be aware of this and realize that the complexity that is me needs to be in our community letting others in and sharing what I know because I do matter, instead of isolating and not letting myself matter against my better instincts.
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