There cannot be a disconnect between the essence of honor in the understanding of it and the actual active behavior of it. In other words, I cannot know what honor is and then not put it into practice for some reason. That is abjectly wrong. Although I may hope for some scenario to evolve and flourish, I cannot change the dynamic of the scenario if it is based upon a false premise. It is nothing new to me as I have had this going on in my life in a few personal areas since puberty. But even beyond the personal is the professional and social life I know to be the best for me. I cannot either accept less than enticing practices in that their outcome leaves me with a disgust in myself regardless of the advantage. Now I can justify in my mind and through today's generally low standard of acceptable practices, but I know in my soul when I have taken the low road for the sake of some overall pitiful accomplishment. As much as I like to think that I control the outcomes of things I put into motion, I know for a fact that the only thing I can control is my next choice in whatever I choose to do. What I have learned the hard way over the years is that thinking about what is the next honorable thing to do and then giving my best to actually doing the next honorable thing is the only true course I can follow regardless of the outcome. The outcome is not on me, in that I can only do my part of whatever process is in motion and that is what I have to accept. If I continue to be the honorable man and stick to my noble principles then my life will have accomplished what my mind and actions most desire, despite the outcome.
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