Now this is the subject that I need to work on the most, in order to get it to a level where I won't let doubt work into my life. I need to believe with the trust of the innocent that fairness, justice and gifts from God are truly meant to be. It seems that all my life I have been prone to quitting on something because it didn't happen when I thought it should. Or I misread some clue or circumstance and allowed myself to anguish over it like some character in a dramatic scene. I have to trust and be patient if anything worthwhile in my life is ever going to have a chance to come to fruition. Once again I am reminded that when I start to feel any emotion or gut sensation that is not in tune with happiness and joy then I am not where I need to be. I must recognize, as quickly as possible, that doubt or fear has entered into my thinking and that is not what I believe is what my life should have in it. If I pray and then contemplate on the wishes and desires of my heart instead, I have a better chance of getting back to the, emotional and cognitive, positive thought patterns that I do expect of myself. I am my own worst enemy at times because I still think that I am in control. I am not in control, I am only one part in many parts being experienced and my wishes and hopes aren't the only ones whose destiny is being played out. I shall continue to trust in the things of principled honor and the highest of values associated with human integrity. It is the greatest gift just to be alive.
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