This is somewhat a strange topic for me to write about but it is what is on my mind. Recently I have been thinking about the different paths that were available to me when I was younger. Hindsight, as it were. I had a few talents, that if honed would have given me much satisfaction in perfecting. I remember what I was like though when I was younger. I was like a wild stallion, who had only the present and a curious nature to know many things. I was very undisciplined and liked it that way. Somehow I wish that I could have been more focused on a few things while still living out my wild ways. It was not that way, and the opportunities that I now think about are really just an illusion of what could have been. I am who I am and the influences that affected me have made me who I am. I regret sometimes that I did not do more but, I also relish the things that I did do, which would have been less possible under a more focused life. I made my choices. I am glad I did because the man I am today reflects the total sum of what my life experiences and my search for knowledge has formed. I suppose it is natural for anyone to stop in time, once in awhile, and take stock of themselves. There is an intelligence in doing so because keeping an overall view on one's progress helps to keep one on a desired track. Even if later the track ends up being one of a second doubt. There are many emotions that course through me on a day to day basis and the feeling of loss or disappointment are among them. That is fine as well since there is no perfect way for any of us to live our lives. We do the best we can and if staying in the present moment and doing the best thing that we can is all we can do, then wonderful.
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