Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Holding myself back (#1146)

If there is one thing I know about myself it is that I want to do things. I am currently under a doctor's instructions to do little to nothing while my shoulder surgery heals, yet in my opinion I am progressing well and I want to do more, my mind and body are pulling toward doing more but I am successfully, so far, holding myself back. I keep remembering that if I do what I am told to do by the doctor I will likely get as much out of the surgery as I can and that will effect me for the rest of my days. If not, then I may well reduce that amount of hoped for recovery even further and have to live with that for the rest of my days. It all seems logical that I should do as my doctor advises yet there is within me a stubborn streak to disregard his instructions because I feel better than I think I should feel. lol. This is just not confined to my personal life either. There are times when I can jump the gun on some things before fully evaluating my true position. It is how I operate and knowing that is key to me being able to pause and reflect on the impulsive decisions I am urged by myself to make. It is like I am two sides of the same person. One with the sense of immortality and the other that knows for certain, without a doubt at all, that I am mortal. So here I sit thinking about all the things I could be doing and doing none of them. I can still use my mind as much as I like and apparently that is what I am doing here in front of those who read this. Yet, in the meantime I must keep a vigilance on myself to make sure I am not allowing myself to step across the line as to how much I allow myself to do. Soon I will be able to go back to being my in-the-moment-self without restricting myself to ultra-light duty and another week or so should do the trick.

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