It is getting harder and harder for me to remember just how naive and trusting I was before I realized that not everyone was concerned about my welfare. I had assumed that we were all linked in ways that bound us together as family, community and country. I made some decisions that in hindsight, have come to look rather lacking in conventional wisdom. Yet, at the time, I was true to my understanding of how the circumstances and situations I found myself in should prevail. Naive is not even enough of a word to describe how I felt when I was left out alone with no one seriously agreeing with me. It is a bit humorous that my convictions were panned when placed in direct conflict with others' goals and desires. I guess I was quite the idealist. However, the life I live now is not as handsomely rich as my experiences were as a younger man but my life has meaning and a subtle peace to it. Perfectly natural in the progression most people evolve toward when their idealism has been realized to be an illusion. Sadly, but fortunately I get to live to see another day, whereas other like-minded as myself are no longer treading on Terra firma. I do consider myself lucky in that the hubris and reckless adventuring I boldly went about was not my undoing for luck played a major role and this I do not deny. My choices at an earlier time were my "feeling out" process for what is now my life. I learned from my earlier version of naive self and have evolved into a wiser cagier human being who lives not to shake the Earth with out-of-control idealism, rather I put my shoulder to the grindstone and quietly but forcefully push within my own power. I am living a life today that was born from the ashes of the life I learned from and that is the proper evolution for me from which to have matured.
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