One door closes a new one opens (#335)

"Life is a funny old thing". I heard this in a movie once and right now seems to have full meaning for me. More like quirky then funny but still it does have it's due. The saying implies to me that regardless of what I try to do life or fate will control despite logic or emotion. The overview is simply put by the opening sentence in this posting. It is somewhat amusing that no matter what serious or emotional investment I make toward a conclusion, "what will be will be". Ha, another great line from a movie. It is comforting to know that I don't take myself so seriously or emotionally that I can't see the trees for the forest. I am full of cliches today. The most important thing in life is living it, not the results I hope to achieve. If I never lose sight of this the rest of my life I will be able to smile a lot about how life has turned out. When I was younger, I used to have a quixotic approach that often left me disillusioned. A remnant from that time was a wry smile I developed and still possess. That wry smile is on my face now as I recall that life is a funny old thing. I will continue to advance my hopes and desires with all my being but I will also recognize the quirkiness of life and it's outcomes with the same wry smile that is emblematic of life's outcomes, not mine.

The pace of my mind (#334)

It seems this week is continuing with the theme of my mind. Today I am full of thought about how my mind must stay active for me to feel a sense of fulfillment. It is also important for my mind to stay active for me to keep it highlighted instead of the body that houses it. In my hierarchy of importance, crudely, the mind is the highest priority followed by my physical body. If my mind abdicates its' authority the body physical will claim it necessarily. It seems that when the harmony of my mind being alert and curious is in place my body physical can recede to a lesser obviousness and function better in a less promoted state. In other words, when my mind is actively doing it's thing my body can quietly go about it's maintenance with more functional ability. It makes me want to theorize that if my mind was fully engaged it might allow my body to regenerate and replenish itself thus prolonging my particular human existence beyond today's acceptable life-span. There is so much we have yet to discover about the human experiment that all possibilities remain viable as opportunities for discovery and acceptance. Nature in it's pure form, less human-made contributions of pollution, might also activate the key to promoting longer if not the longest possible life-span yet achieved.

A breakthrough in my mind (#333)

It has come to me through reason that I may have an ability to effect my physical being through a strong mental focus. I know this sounds a little spacey, like sci-fi, but I am persuaded through evidence that I can effect my physical being through sheer force of will. When I put my mind at a task and remain relentless at it, I find that I have consistency in process and result. This is only with my own physical effects. My determination to bring about a conclusion, despite the difficulty, has seldom been thwarted by my inability to physically perform. It is my conclusion that my mind has a control on the physical well-being of my body. It is as if I have an inner mechanism for sustaining my health until my determined objective is achieved. This I have noticed is only short-term but nonetheless productive for me. I am unsure about how to argue this premise of mind over physical within me but I am otherwise confident that it is a process that exists within me. It also makes some sense as to the utility of the brain to control the organism it is attached to. What we still don't know yet about the function of the human body is up for debate. It is my contention that we have much more more to learn about what uses and purposes our bodies have and over time and research we will discover abilities latent within us waiting to be activated.

Calling it as I see it (#332)

Today I am reminded that no matter how I feel about a subject, there is always the stark reality to see. I am a man who is relentless in his hopes for a full and complete life. I am also a man who is pragmatic about the realization of my hopes and dreams. It often takes the little things in life to make me aware of how things really are in my world. Reality is what I need to focus my honest evaluations of what is and what isn't. It is my privilege to know that fate or my higher power is at the controls of what will be in my life. I must be honest in seeing what fate is telling me and move forward to where fate would have me be. It is enough for me to be alive within my skin and enjoy the ride in the Car,----l. The fun in staying in touch with the true nature of life in existence is simple and pure. I am not the master of my destiny, just the navigator of it. Fate will put those things in front of me that need to be there and I am to navigate around or through or into them as fate would make them available. I am surprised that I have been able to discern this about myself and fate but nonetheless privileged to be able to express it in a way that honors all of life and it's opportunities.

Trusting in faith (#331)

Not easy to do at all. It sounds simple enough to achieve. What is difficult is that my ability to forget and old behavior often combine to eliminate my constant attempts to trust in faith. You see, faith is not tangible in an existence sense. Faith is a belief, a concept in theory. When the conceptual application of faith is nurtured it is simple to understand and implement. When it is not, the opposite is true and doubt and unbelievability settles in instead. I have had enough experience with faith to know that when I put my trust in faith I am putting my trust to good work. It is confusing in how to logically explain why faith works other than it does when I put my trust to it. I am not saying that faith is the answer to all of my wishes and dreams but I am saying that the chance faith will bring about my wishes and dreams are diminished when I don't trust in faith to deliver. I only put my faith toward good and right hopes because faith is a child of the best. The best is what I wish to have in my world to share with everyone else. I have given my all to trusting in faith and even when faith does not deliver my preferred outcome I am well satisfied that fate is in charge of my life. I will never give up my hopes and dreams nor will I ever give up trying to achieve them. What I will give up is me trying to control and maneuver an outcome through my actions. My force of will and what destiny brings combined with trusting in faith is my path and I will continue to walk upon it.

The wisdom of silence (#330)

Has the quiet been my friend? Not like it is today. I enjoy the silence in life as a reminder of how I should behave toward my urge to respond. It is interesting that I have learned to stay quiet on subjects that ordinarily would provoke a response from me. I am practicing patience and silence on the myriad subjects I feel I can help with. Why? I am waiting to be asked or invited to participate without first offering. It is amazing to me how insignificant my opinion is in comparison with what others already know but have not made a choice about yet. It is often said that the smartest person in the room is the one who maintains the most silence. It is much easier to formulate a better answer if I have listened to all that needs to be said first. It is not a competition to blurt out the answer first but to answer the question in the most correct way. I also know that most people respond to questions with an intent to help. It is also true that ego and low self-esteem contribute to answering questions as a validating enforcer. Our society is at odds at times with proper individual growth. The lesson I have learned is that, over time, wisdom manifests itself in the form of deliberation before conversation. As I continue to adapt this strategy of self-checking I know that what I say when I speak will carry with it the gravitas of my experience and knowledge. My common sense dictates that my silence is the genesis of my wisdom.

Merry Christmas (#329)

My first Christmas day blog posting, what will it be about? I have no clue and I am just rambling along to start. It will come to me as my thoughts of this day wrap around whatever it is in my head that wants to come out. I am a very fortunate man to have people in my life who care enough about this time of season to want to share time with me doing a family adventure to the movie theater. 17 of us are now going to see the movie Avatar. It should be fun having all of us together watching a fun movie in public. We are all going to meet a various relatives' houses for Christmas presents and breakfasts before we gather in the afternoon for our movie gathering. Then it is Christmas dinner at my sister's home. A full day of fun for everyone. I wish everyone else a Merry Christmas and hope your day brings you the peace of the season.

Trust in myself (#328)

I will not be deterred by factors outside my control. It seems that often my hopes or dreams are in conflict with reality. Not my problem. Somehow reality must change or I will be unfulfilled. Either possibility is acceptable. I will strive to hope for reality to change but will not interfere with others' rights of expression. It is complicated living in a world with options in infinite supply. How does one choose when so many choices have yet to present themselves. The problem is that time dictates a certain life span and the time necessary to sample all possibilities is timeless. So an evaluation based upon opportunity and time compromises all choices in some degree. It may be wise to set one's sights on a less than ideal choice in order to enjoy a certain amount of pleasure and happiness at the cost of a pureness of emotional experience. I tend to think that the compromise route is not for me because the truth of compromise is settling for less at the cost of possibly finding the most. I have written on the context of endure. To endure when things seem less than possible is a trademark of deserving something special when it finally comes to happen. It is in the hard or near impossible that I find I am closest to achieving the hope or dream I have yearned.

Never stop asking questions (#327)

This is who I am, a questioner. I am always reminded of this throughout my day. I am not the kind of person who tells people what things are or are like. I am always trying to get more facts or theories about things. I do offer my insight when asked or prompted but only as a condition of improving a situation where I can be a positive influence. My soul is wired toward curiosity and solution. I don't often get to solution as an ideal, but I do remain optimistic that the solutions I get to have the best that I have when they need to be implemented. I am also aware that I am not afraid to test myself in areas that are still unknown. I am who I am and shall always know that the truth and honesty of my life will rise up and show itself. I am also aware that I question all of the uncomfortable and real situations, we as people, allow ourselves to be a part of. There is only struggle for the better in life, without negation of that struggle to anyone in life. Our egalitarian society demands of us a certain code of respect and honor for us all to each other. The questions continue.

What is inside of us all (#326)

I have known for some time that we are all the same. Of course we are different, but in the general ways we are all the same. We are all born into a world with no foresight or understanding of why. We later learn about how humans birth, but why we are born is still unknown. We learn about how life has been lived before us and try to emulate the qualities we, individually, find attractive or right. We find our niche and fit in as best we can. The commonality we have is in our spirits, emotions and thoughts. Though they vary from circumstance to circumstance they are within a grouping of cognition's and behaviors recognizable to human traits. There are some exceptions due to mental deficiencies, but overall we all bear the same characteristics. The quote attributed to King Soloman "There is nothing new under the sun." is very appropriate to the essence of humanity. We are a unique feature in existence. We all share typical elements and matter form. Our acculturated mannerisms are offshoots of conformity or the lack of. Regardless, we all stem from the same nurture and express ourselves within the parameters of human interaction. We are all the same just living different habitations of being.

Welcome to my world (#325)

Nothing new in my world that isn't in everyone Else's world. So don't expect any surprises from me. What I do have in my world is a lot of good things happening. I am out and about meeting new people and staying in touch with friends. My work is consistent and rewarding. I am away from home a lot but whatever it takes to keep myself moving forward in life with what I have now is worth the sacrifice. I am learning and searching for more experiences to be apart of that I find exciting and fun. I am also allowing myself to be serious and honest about what is happening in my life and with the things I wonder about. I cannot change the world significantly but I can be part of a process that shows by example and does not take part in the things I feel are harmful and offensive to principles of justice, honor and ethics. I carry my word as a bond to the people I give it to and I accept that the Universe is the record keeper of it. I have yet to have a love in my life I would call a true love but I continue to hope that the inevitability of it's fruition will occur. Nothing much else going on except that I am happy and yet concerned about the present and future state of the humanity of our species.

How much is too much (#324)

I am constantly reminded that there are those who have very little and very little else but hope and there are those who have so much from their efforts. How is it that we can balance out these tremendous disparities? It is through charity of spirit and recognizing that human existence for all individuals, is finite. I am of the opinion that if I had nothing at all right now I would still find a way to exist somehow. Remember, it is the journey of life that is the experience of living not the arrival at some secure place. Security is important and should be a priority to attain, but not at the cost of human disadvantage. It is appropriate for those who have, to find ways to allocate generosity and charity toward those who have not. I will never tout my own practice in distributing the extra I have in order to lessen the despair of those who feel the effect of my efforts. But I will advocate for all who have more than enough to find ways to reintroduce themselves into ordinary human life to find ways to contribute to making hopes for those who despair a little more possible. As a human race we are responsible for our own individual ability to think and reason. The leap in thought that allows us to see reality and make conclusions based on curiosity and compassion is really a very small one. The act of charity is a beautiful experience and should be a priority as well as it is with security.

Creatures on this Earth (#323)

The topic of creatures on this Earth is inspired by the amazement I have in every living thing I have seen or heard. How all the different species have come to live together on this one Planet is still questioned, however the fact that we do is incredible. No one has been here on Earth since the beginning of life here so all is still conjecture and intuitive thinking. The life entities must also include all living things such as plants and microscopic forms. Taken overall, the ability of life to exist on Planet Earth, when the relatively known Universe beyond us has little to no ability to sustain anything recognizable as a life form is astronomically small in possibility. Yet here we are with all the other life forms inhabiting right along with us. It is also worthy of note that we all seem to have a symbiotic bond with each other that makes us, at different levels co-dependent. This co-dependency might offer a view toward all known life, currently in existence, being integral to sustaining life as we presently enjoy. There are always more questions than answers especially when the record of our existence is not an absolute. Theological and Scientific explanations notwithstanding, are as yet unprovable and must remain theories not conclusions. I have a principle I follow that seems to make sense for me; If I cannot create it I can not destroy it. This principle applies when there are no other extenuating circumstances. Welcome to us all, big and small, to a continued happy existence with each of us creatures on this Planet Earth.

The importance of being (#322)

Has a generalized malaise settled into the souls of most humans today? Are our problems so big that, as individuals, we feel hopeless and helpless to effect? It is my impression that despite vigor and enthusiasm by few the majority of humans have opted to remain ambivalent about our current societies in whole, despite the fact that we are connected multi-laterally. A sense of security seems to prevail and scuffling to survive has been replaced by nonchalance. The human spirit has been undermined by an acquiescence of our individualism to collective thought control by a few who would uncomplicate our lives for us. This is a slippery slope trap, when we stop informing ourselves through objective principles and allow ourselves to be told how to think. As individuals it is our right and responsibility to command our own lives within the time we are in existence. To allocate or defer our right of thought and implementation of our principles to others for the sake of expediency is lessening the experience life has gifted us with. Laziness in working on our learning about how life is being lived as individuals will only thwart progress of the human experiment and undermine our argument to remain individuals capable of having a say in the dominion of our persons.

Always living in the moment (#321)

Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to the next horizon but as a rule this moment I am in is the one I focus my attention toward. It is the real life living that I am doing at this very moment. I am no different than other species who live where they are at but also have sensors out to protect them from as yet unknown changes. As a species we have conquered the ability to reason and have a whole new way of enjoying life besides just living to survive. It is the ability to reason that makes existence such a wonderful mystery to be alive in. As I continue to build the characteristics of my cognition and behavior toward a fully principled ideal, I get to enjoy the moments of that journey. To let my mind wander to future or past tripping, I actually steal from myself the moments I could have enjoyed just being where I am in time. I make some considerations for past and future when appropriate but not as an exercise but more as a strategy. Now is where I hope to spend most all of my time and bask in the warm gift of life as me.

I trust my instincts (#320)

I am not always able to discern situations with insight but the times I do, I trust my gut feelings about them. Having a gut feeling and trusting it has not always been a tool I have utilized. I am so aware now of the effects my gut feelings have in circumstances, that I rely on it with measured confidence. Nothing is absolute, and I continue to question my gut feelings, but I have a stronger reliance on my gut feelings and the reliance grows stronger each day. I am unable to explain the nature of my gut feeling with any academic qualification, however as a subject observing his own experience with his gut feelings, I can offer this insight. My gut feelings are a combination of learning from experience and evaluating circumstances against my principled code of virtues about human nature and reasoning. There are other factors involved such as morality, ethics and justice. All of these are filtered through my gut where a consensus of sorts is achieved in very little time. I guess the logical presumption of my process is that it is a generalization weighed as a strong premise. Imperfect to be correct in this definition but valuable as a guiding force toward a conclusion. I will continue to rely on the wisdom of my gut in guiding me toward the destination my life takes me.

The circle of life (#319)

The purpose for the circle of life. I have considered why we have to endure the reality of life being cyclical. It has an effect on the development and maintenance of our emotions. Without pain, suffering, joy and happiness...etc., we would not have a perspective on the panorama effect each and every one of these emotions represent. This discussion is cold and insensitive, I know. I am only trying to understand the way life has been laid out for us in this existence. I have struggled mightily with existence over this dynamic. I am purely elated when the perfection of happiness envelopes me and I don't question it's beautiful right to exist. On the other hand, when the deepest of wrought despair overcomes me when part of my heart is crushed by death, I rage against all of existence to retract it's choice of punishing hurt. Living through these moments in my life stretch the gamut of my experiences. Is this what the cycle of life is for? For me to experience all the possibilities of sense perception. The smiles I have worn and the tears I have shed are evidence enough that the circle of life has a consequence. I still struggle with having to experience this circle of life paradigm from birth to death. I want to have my existence elevated beyond this known reality. Not some reality that happens after death but a new reality while I am still alive in existence. This inner struggle I have is continually present within me.

The quality of enduring (#318)

To endure; generally, an effort to continue. The distinction in when to apply endurance should be weighed carefully. Not all endurance is good. However, when it is established that enduring on a principle, action or emotion, enduring is valuable as an ideal. I am discussing endure because it is fitting at times for us to know what is important in our lives and to attain to achieve it through the process of endurance. Plainly, don't quit. Again, knowing the distinction between proper usage of enduring is a requirement. To endure after something that is harmful to ourselves or others is improper. To endure after something that is helpful or promised is proper. Relationships formed under promise and oath should be a prime example of how endurance is used. What brought this subject up for me is that I have a feeling within me that is unrelenting and it is personal. I have a great emotion within me and I carry it everywhere I go. For me, to have this emotion within me now has the presence of correctness. I will follow it's guide and discreetly hope for it's fruition. I have profound faith in what is within me and will always honor this emotion with the better and best principles that I willingly follow in my life today.

Free will (#317)

I love this subject. Imagine, we have free will to live our lives as we decide, within or without rules. There are consequences to our actions but we get to decide those actions for the most part, excepting addictions and voluntary or mandatory subservience of some form. Despite the limitations that would retract from complete dominion of our free will, we still enjoy a majority of the choices we make in our lives. There are so many of us to meet and learn from through the individualism created by free will that life has such an interesting paradigm to it. The paradigm of creativity in form and thought. Free will establishes a question that will always be asked; Why do we exist? The what's and how's are also there for the asking but the why is where I always begin to question. I accept that I exist and I accept that I have survival instincts. It is in the free will that I find myself and describe to myself the being that I wish to become or the being I am becoming. It is in free will that I am able to question at all. Free will is like a birthing into a beginning that has already begun. Our history shows that life as a human being has already existed. The inherent nature within us is to keep and continue to nurture the amazing ability we have to free will which gives us our individualism.

Harmonies in my life (#316)

What are the things that make life worth being a part of in this existence. One of them is music. I have such a connection with the harmony of sound and the way sound can be combined. The waves of the sound when in harmony creates what we refer to as music. I am filled, like when thirst and hunger are sated, with a sense of contentment. Another is a stimulated response to emotion, both personal and societal at large, that evokes a physical response within my person. Love, being the greatest emotional force to inhabit my being, is what I most look to experience. As far as thought concepts go being surrounded by truth, no matter what it is, stirs so many different emotions that the experience of them is sensational within my being. By sensational I mean to describe that my senses are overwhelmed with such inner spark or tingling of my physical self. This spark has the embodiment of satisfaction or a realness of my living as to remind me that I am alive, living my existence to it's fullest at that moment. I am fortunate to be able to somewhat describe some of the magic within my life and say that the harmony I experience is what keeps me vital and strong.

What is going on in my dreams? (#315)

I am often mystified by my dreams. In them I get a sense of reality and expect that they will come true. When I awaken, I realize that I have only been dreaming but the sense of the dream could very well have been in reality. Not all of my dreams are based in reality, some are fantastical with the laws of physics being suspended for me. However, the fantastical ones are rare and are not what I am attempting to describe in this posting. I am referring to the dreams I have where my hopes or wishes have real opportunities to become true. I sometimes think that my dream life is far more real for me than my real life. I am an optimist, I never fully accept the notion that what we see is what we get. I will endure to keep my hopes and wishes as desirous future outcomes, in part, because of the clarity and realness I experience in my dreams. I do not script my dreams and where the script comes from in them is a mystery to me. I would like to think that a higher power is directing me or influencing me toward my desires but I am only conjecturing. I do take them for a sign of something and believe in them as a sort of confirmation. I will continue to wait upon my dreams with an eye toward their possible connection with my hoped for reality.

Gaining my confidence (#314)

I remember when I was much younger, a teenager, I had such a clear amount of confidence in my abilities. I was just teeming with an air of triumph in most all of what I was trying to do. Some how that feeling of confidence has been since then toned down to not much at all. I see now that I am gaining back some of that lost confidence because of the way I am dedicating myself to what I can do best. It is in the focus of my abilities' strength that I find my long-lost confidence. It is also in being principled in how I do what I do best that makes me stand a little taller and look people in the eye because I am speaking from truth and effort. It is amazing that by just doing things right and not always looking for shortcuts I have found my confidence again. The world is a better place with me in it in a confident way than me not being confident. I have a few good traits and one of them being somewhat of a leader. A man who is bold and courageous enough to stand on decisions with principled foundations. When I am at my best I can make good decisions consistently and in respect of others. I care about everyone and I am willing to help all of us get through things. As a leader I would never ask someone to do something I have not already done myself and done well. Having my confidence come back with such clarity today is giving me the opportunity to help many more of us through the things we need to get through.

I continue to enjoy the mystery of life (#313)

Never before in my life have I had such a good feeling about how my life is going. Despite all the twists and turns of daily living, I am enjoying unprecedented options as to what I can do with my life. I am an open book who is ready and waiting to have written the next half of my life. This is amazing to me. It wasn't so long ago that I was unsure and downcast about my future. I have changed many things in my life and the reward for those changes is where I am right now. I am just looking to the present and future as a guide for how my life can be lived. I have become an advocate for living within the boundaries of right principles that have nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with how I can be a better example of being the best person to all that I can be. I don't know how this all came about but to say that it is the desire of my heart to have happiness and fun in my life. Whatever that form takes each day is up to me and I must always remember that each person I come into contact with is an opportunity for me to fulfill acts of selflessness. Today is no different than any other day except that it is today and I am alive within it right now.

What is wrong is wrong (#312)

I have waited before I wrote on the subject of wrong. It was important for me to spell out what was right first in a lot of different ways so that I did not give wrong any elevated positive significance. Wrong is more than actions, it is also thoughts. A few days ago I wrote on what is right and how it is in my life. I said I would discuss wrong and now is that time. Let me begin by saying that wrong is a hollow feeling I experience when I employ being wrong. It is a shallow attempt by myself to gain some advantage at the expense of the right or truth. For me wrong is chaos, it has no rationale other than to avoid something I should face or accept. It is a detriment to my learning. More than anything it is a negation, for me, of logic and it's principles of consistency. If I ever hope to be the man I wish to become I must never give into how wrong may allure as an illusory solution. Many have employed wrong as a means to gain advantages in the areas of emotions and finance. Love and money to be precise. What a discouraging event when the many forms of wrong are used to deviate from the right and the truth. Wrong, metaphorically, is equal to bad. Right is equally consistent with good. I know my soul and my soul has illuminated me to the good in life as the way to live life, not to the bad and or wrong. If the truth or right hurts me then that is correct. I should never turn away from the right and use the wrong because I am afraid of the consequences of what the right might bring down upon me.

The task of being principled (#311)

Not so easy being principled. When choices that affect the status-quo arise it is difficult to put honor over income. I know this because several times in my life I have been faced with this fact. I have gone both ways in the past and I am sure to expect I will be more consistent in the future. It was easier for me with no other obligations other than myself. Being young also helped in that I would have more time to recover from whatever loss I had to sustain. It was also difficult in that I would have had very little to survive on and chose to swallow my pride and accept my less than honorable fate. Today I have a mindset about the principles I live by, they are my foremost priority. Without my principles being my greatest guide, I am not the man I hope to be. If everything was taken from me because I had decided that the best choice for me took all my income and ended it, I will continue to follow my principles. My principles are the only real thing that I carry with me. Everything else is just extra. Even my life being compromised to the point of coming to an end, my principles will be with me at that end. That is my comfort. I am well satisfied in who I am becoming and I will continue to be what is my destiny, to follow my heart and to give all I have to the wonder and care of my fellow human beings and the rest of life as it exists on this planet Earth.

We all have our faults (#310)

In my attempt to improve myself I am constantly reminded that I have faults that are being managed but not controlled. It is these faults that have my greatest attention because they could prove to be impediments to my quest to be the best man I am able to be. I write about this subject because I want everyone to know that I have not figured out how to live my life yet and I am far from it in my perspective. I recognize what they are and I am aware that I can improve myself with more meditation on possible solutions and in gaining the confidence in myself that would eliminate most all of them. My problems stem from my emotional nature. If I am to correct and control my emotions on a level that I find acceptable then I must focus my attention at the emotion and learn it's underlying impetus. Most of my emotion is stirred out of a concept of justice, morality and ethics. It appears that my emotions can also be seen by others when I have not fully vetted them to an appropriate level. I can be a hothead once in a while. Although showing my emotions is not a crime it is an injustice to those who must witness the spectacle. I am motivated by the best intention but that does not allow me to express my emotions on impulse. It is the impulse that I must learn to have better control over and I am working on it as write this post. I have no example of an emotional outburst but I know I am capable of it if I don't plan ahead for the eventuality. Being pro-active is what I am advocating whenever a situation comes up where I have a chance to recognize it before It actually happens.

Right, as a gift (#309)

How to begin with this posting! Right is when the better and best of good is advanced. Wrong is when the better and best of good is not advanced. There may exist between right and wrong a middle ground or neutral effect, where no ground is added or lost. Still a definition of right or wrong may still apply. What is right and what is wrong? Let's take right first. Right is often associated with sequencing. As things continue in an acceptable order right will most often be acclaimed. Right is also closely associated with selfless sacrifice. When we give of ourselves or our resources without expectation of a reward then right will usually be the outcome. Right can often be found in conjunction with morality, ethics and justice. There is no perfect sense of how to know right as an absolute but as a human being I can weigh the factors that I have within my reachable knowledge base and forward a concept of right and allow others to recognize my logic for any and all scrutinizing. The best antidote for any confusion on whether right is being propounded is the light of day. Sharing what is a definition of right within one's life gives others the opportunity to learn and to teach. Life is a lesson and we all are in class for the entirety of our lives. Knowing what right to do takes consideration in thought, sometimes doing the simple right thing makes a more complex situation not right. It is important to think about the right being done and how that right being done effects in as much totality all the things it has contact with.

I am blessed (#308)

I have been thinking about my life this morning and every time I thought about something it was in respect to what I could do. There are things I can do. I have options. I am not one of those people who believe I deserve things just because I am alive or who I am. I am one of those people who is just amazed that I am alive and humbled by the possibilities I have in life. I also get to share how I am with others. It is a testament to how I try to pattern my life on the best principles that humanity can display. Others would not want me to share my life with them if they did not see the good I try to reflect back to them. It is an honest good. Not a false or superficial good but a deep and lasting good that I strive for. I have chosen to be a friend to all who would treat me as one. I have no barriers to who is my friend as long as all respect the gift of friendship. Life can be as simple as giving. In all the emotions I feel the one constant is giving. Regardless of the action of giving the act of giving is the key. The impetus to associate and give of myself is were my emotions find there greatest experience. The act of giving isn't always a positive one and those acts are not what I am advocating. The better and best intention of giving is what I am referring to. Knowing the difference between right and wrong will be for another post but for now the right in life is where all the really good stuff happens. I am truly blessed.

I have a personal God (#307)

I will discuss my own personal thoughts on the existence of spirituality in my life. I am a creature who examines, someone who is empirical and logical about my curiosities and discoveries. In one form of my learning is how natural I find myself praying or meditating with a non-anatomical being. This is not a phenomena in our society, we are aware of belief systems as well as little children and their imaginary friends. Where my spirituality comes from is the understanding within myself that the universe is an awesome, brilliant dynamic for which I have no knowledge of it's reason for being. As a coping mechanism, I find that giving something credit for it's existence makes a lot of sense. This may be putting the cart before the horse, but the alternative is not how I wish to view the destiny I will attempt to provide for my life. I am the creator of how I can live my life by trying to give my life meaning. In finding my spirituality I have laid a foundation for how I can build my character, how I project out the better and best of human principles and offer my humble hopes for the future of humanity. It is perfect for me in so few areas of my life but one of them is that I am absolutely grateful for having the opportunity to be alive. All of existence is a gift. The forms I am allowed to understand and learn from is amazing. I will, by common sense on my part, accept that there is a beauty for which I am certain comes from a place or idea which has everything and nothing under it's domain. My Idea of a God perhaps.

I must keep my raw edge (#306)

I suppose what I mean by this title is that I don't wish to lose my vigor for the things that matter to me. I know that as I gain more wisdom and experience with subjects, I have a tendency to be more reflective and conservative in my responses. What I don't want to add to that is a general malaise about subjects that need my vitality behind their cause. It is almost as if I am becoming inured to my own emotions. this is not acceptable to me because it demonstrates an apathy I am unwilling to have reflected back to others. I am responsible for my passions and I cannot allow them to wither away. It is known and acceptable to slow down with age and I am among those who feel the passage of time as it relates to my physical presence. My physical presence is not my mental state, although it does have some influence. Regardless, my mental state is under no such ravage of time like my physical body is. At least not yet. So despite how tired I may feel as a physical property, my reason and creative thoughts have to continue to be counted among those who would stand tall in the face of less than the better and best principles of humanity. When my time comes to an end I have no delusion or belief of anything at all. That however does not preclude something else existing. What I know is best for me is to make my highest mark in this existence and expect that my mark will be counted somewhere and somehow as one example of how humanity can try to be it's best.

Nature at it's finest (#305)

I have been privileged to be in a snow storm this morning on my way to work. I say this because I am rarely around snow anymore since my days in Seattle and Fairbanks. I enjoy the way the weather has turned, although it will only be for a short time today watching the snow come down is a pleasure. It has stalled our work for today but only for several hours this morning. I am now writing this blog posting since I have a little down time and I want to enjoy writing while I am watching the snow come down. Nature is a joy to experience, especially since I am in the Southwest, New Mexico to be precise. The weather here is usually warm and the snow is not indicative of the usual weather. As I travel through life and find myself in geographical areas that I am not familiar with I am always on the lookout for different variations in weather that I can experience. I have no enlightened thoughts of any value except that am just enjoying my day in the snow. It is also nice that our job trailer on this site is equipped with a good heater and we are warm in here.

Know where your heart is (#304)

This is the most difficult subject for me on a personal level as it pertains to the love between this man and a woman. I know what my heart tells me and I know what reality tells me. I believe we all feel that the love that we feel toward another human being is one of a kind. True love if you will permit me to describe it as. How does one go about compromising on that? I know that there are "no deserves" or guarantees in life and what we have is what there is. I also know that what I feel inside of me is too important to me to ever let it be diluted. I guess I just answered my own question. I don't compromise on that. Then what is left? I suppose to have some happiness is better than martyrdom. I am being overly dramatic, martyrdom in the sense that I would never allow myself to have a relationship with another woman who is not the one I am truly in love with. I know that I am not the first nor last to have his or her true love not come to it's fruition. I am just another human being in the world full of other human beings trying to find their way through life. I know also that I will never lose my hope for the love of my life to come to me in some unexpected way. I also know that I will continue on living and if I find someone else who wants to be my life companion I should consider that as well.

How does one trust (#303)

I have been disappointed so many times that the act of trusting has a cynical property to it from the beginning of any trust situation. I know that each and every individual needs to have an initial trust given to them by me but it seems as if my given trust usually is abused. I remember when I was younger and not as wise I used to not care much about the trust given me by other people and always did what was best for me. Life is a cycle and what you reap you will more than likely also sow. I am not concluding that all of my previous actions will be returned upon me but I am saying that what I did to others should not be a surprise to me if it is done back to me. Back to trust, I will continue to put myself out there in a trusting fashion regardless if my trust is abused because the alternative is even worse, never trusting anyone. I also believe that my trust given is a gift and I should not expect a return. If I receive one, I will be blessed with that. I am also looking for my soul-mate companion if she exists and I need to be at the ready unless I let her slip away from me because I would not give her a chance to reveal herself to me. I must continue to trust with all my hope that it will be honored and cared for the way I should also honor and care for your trust in me.

Freedom to tell the truth (#302)

America, The United States of America, is a country that has struggled to gain the right for it's citizens to speak freely of their opinions. As long as no harm to others or themselves is involved this right is universal within the jurisprudence of American territory. How unbelievable this is for us to celebrate in our lifetime on a daily basis. In our past history this has not been the case. In present history outside our shores many other territories do not allow such freedom of speech. The cost America paid for this liberty is immeasurable. The life and blood, given and shed is unfathomable. How dear to us we should value this immense gift and protect it with every fiber of our being. As a consequence of the right to freedom of speech there is a moral, ethical and legal obligation to tell the truth. Truth telling is not as simple as just going around and speaking truth to everything that is in existence, or is it? I know that knowing what the truth is, is sometimes difficult to know and understand. But knowing what truth is should be a starting point for speaking truth. No words should come out as truth that are not actually truth. I know that I constantly keep my mouth in check on subjects that I am unsure about. Where I have problems is when I hear other people speak less than truth as if it were truth. I want to debate and refute their premise, disguised as a conclusion. I am not the truth police but I honor truth and the price that has been paid to secure it's expression. Nothing in life is of a higher value than the personal sacrifice of human life. When it is made in the name of freedom, especially freedom to tell the truth, then I for one will also defend it with my life.

It is in the hard that we find ourselves (#301)

For myself, I find that when things get hard for me I can either quit or keep going. Of course it is never that simple. Generally though, when I find that a situation has gotten difficult and I am beyond normal routine, I still focus a little harder on the subject at hand and push as hard as I can toward a conclusion. I seldom give in to the old behavior I used to accept and stop doing whatever it was I was doing because it got difficult and I could just tell myself that fate must not want me to continue. That was not true thinking on my part. I can control my fate by being a stronger more principled person and follow through on choices I have made. The outcomes are never within my total control but my behavior and actions are within my control. The satisfaction that comes with accomplishment is dear. It propels my senses into a clarity that I seldom find without having earned the privilege. I only know this much about how not to quit on something I know is right; I will fail myself and who I am trying to become if I let difficult struggle bypass without giving everything I have to face and conquer it. Therefore, the next logical step is to face all my difficulties with the same determination to succeed and not quit. I can always tell when the hard is upon me, it makes everything seem impossible or undo-able. It is then that my faith kicks in and an extra surge of motivation comes upon me. I am now getting used to not quitting and I am comfortable with the cognition that I can be stronger than the hard when it inevitably enters my domain.

Today is unofficially the 300 (#300)

It is appropriate that the first draft I did of this posting was gobbled up into the ether. I had already published it when it just disappeared from my listings during the transfer from editing. I am humbled to again write something on the day I am accomplishing the 300th posting to my blog. Writing an everyday blog is simple in concept but more difficult in reality. I have to maintain a level of objectivity while also projecting out principles to help guide any decision that can or must be made. I myself keep my own opinions most of the time to myself. When my personal views are included it is because I have an analogy attached and wish to describe the events. I am most assuredly not an expert on anything but I have certain principles for living which I contend must be incorporated into every living souls character. It is these principles of virtue and selflessness that can carry the human species forward into the future with a greater chance of enjoying existence with fewer possibilities for our own end. Compassion and curiosity, or care and wonder, the two human traits that occupy our existences the most. It is in living within these traits that we find our inner peace. It is also where we find our courage to learn and know the yet unknowable.

My word is my bond (#299)

If I say something it must come from within me. I shall not say anything that does not conform with what I hold as true. I am of a mindset that all the time I have left in existence must be lived with the principles of positive values. I so desire to experience my destiny on the correct side of truth and fairness. It is up to me to reflect those values I hold myself to. If I must slow down how I respond in order to correctly interpret and conclude every situation then that is what I must do. It is of little value for me to hurry toward a conclusion if I am in doubt as to the veracity or the insight of a situation. How I do value my word. It is of the greatest importance as a tool to impart what I can contribute on any particular circumstance. My fate, destiny or legacy is determined, in part, by how I infuse myself into society and into personal lives of those who wish or want to be a part of my daily life. Choosing the words I am using on this posting is an example of how I must stop and concentrate on each word I am using to describe what I am trying to say. All the time I need to respond, when asked something, is all the time I need to be sure I am giving back something of true value. I will not talk to hear my own voice or to inflate my ego or to project an image of myself that is not true. It is okay for me to say I don't know. I have learned and I am continuing to learn that I am not all answers, I am just a simple man who cares about all of you.

Never lose hope (#298)

I have been through many ups and downs in my life concerning having good things happen and bad things happen. I find today that I can determine some of the outcomes but still fate will have it's turn in presenting my present and future regardless of what I do. I just will never lose hope in expecting the best for myself and others around me that I can have some influence with. Hope is a great asset when I feel let down or some unexpected event lowers my enthusiasm. I am human and as a human being I am susceptible to disappointment. However the disappointment, I am not perpetually stuck there. Time has a way of showing me that regardless of the inevitability my mind may comprehend as an eventual outcome, reality and existence has another more complex conclusion than I do. I have to trust in goodness and being the best man I can be in order for the peace of mind I seek to appear. Certainties are what I have to live with but existence is the arbiter of all certainties and I will trust my fate to it's hands. One intent of hope is to endure through that which would wear us down to a despaired state. I am fortunate that I am not isolated to myself and have contact and interaction with persons or a medium which allows me to express myself in order to release any despair before it can fester into something even worse. Living in existence as a human being is a gift beyond any imagining. I hope to cherish this gift and find what small pleasures I can and be humbled at them finding me.

The foundation of being (#297)

The wonder within me has not changed since the day I first started wondering. I have gotten older and in some people's mind I am old. Regardless of others' perceptions I am as young in my soul as I have always been. It is tough that my body has continued to age while my mind continues to stay young. Of course I accept this and expect nothing much to change this process. However, I also do not expect my wonderment of perception to change likewise. It is in my mind where all the real living of my life exists. What is inside of me is what counts not the shell that houses what I am. I try to take care of the shell but it is inside me that the most care is taken in keeping me fresh and updated. My ability to analyze and reason are truly the complexity within me that I find comfort with. Many theorists try to explain the individual state of the human species and our capacity to be unique. I feel that I am many parts working as a whole to form who I am. There are some parts that have less to do with reality and are more of a defense mechanism. There are other parts that deal with how my emotions interpret life situations and their manifestations. For the most part my core parts are my senses, they allow me to collect, sort, analyze, reason and conclude. All these parts have to do with what I am and am becoming. They all share an equal and focused trait which I refer to as curiosity or in this posting, wonder. My blog is concerned with the two traits of humanity I call the foundation of being, compassion and curiosity. These two traits are bridged through the act of survival. As long as I care and wonder and strive to stay alive I am in the youth of my life to the day that I die.

Expression (#296)

How an important subject like expression has been ignored by me until now is inexcusable. lol. I am fortunate to be a firm believer in expression and hope to always keep my expressions up front and tactful. There are many ways for me to express myself and I often do it with actions. Occasionally I express myself through no action at all. It is mostly through natural and instinctual expressions that I am most obvious in my displays of expression. I am also aware of how others may perceive my expressions and at times I must be mindful of delicate situations that require me to be discreet. My mind is like an engine that never stops so it is important that I keep my hands on the levers of it's controls. lol. Stereotypes have been dominant in my early life and are now being dismantled as subjects of how I express myself. I am an unique individual who is not necessarily prone to being stereotypical. My reasoning on subjects or likes and dislikes do not follow simple acculturated behaviors nor do they allow for prejudice to be any part of my analytical calculations. As I continue to mature into the human being I am hoping to become I find that there is more of a naturalness to my reactions along the lines of my more matured nature. I am hopeful that my inner instinctual behavior will begin to closely match my new cognitive thoughts about how I wish to be. Expression will be the end result of my metamorphosis and will be who I want to be when I am being me.

The power of magic (#295)

Magic for me is when great possibilities meet at the same time. It is like a convergence of appropriately placed events. I am not referring to trickery or supernatural, just serendipity at it's finest. It is a lot like to people falling in love with each other, magical. I still am and always will be a romantic of some form or of some degree. I say that because I believe in the power of magic and it happening all around me. If I am to believe in anything it should be in the wonder and awesomeness of great good things. I would like to think that providence has a hand in making magic but alas it is just more likely coincidence. If it is coincidence then helping coincidence along is my next thought. Being vigilant and expectant without losing hope is also necessary to optimize the chance for magic to happen for me and possibly for others. My experience as a human being should be full of the wishes and dreams that can come true and also have some wishes and dreams that may never come true. Hope is all I ask for, the end results will still be what they are but holding out for some magical moment is a good thing. The inner yearning that is associated with having magic happen for me is somewhat unexplainable. I am struggling to put words to the sense I feel about having or anticipating something magical. I will say this, magic is like Christmas morning with presents to unwrap. It is also like a part of fate or destiny yet to be revealed in my life. I am convinced that there are certain magical moments for all of us and hope that we may all experience our magical moments when they appear.

It is not about me (#294)

Regardless of how things appear, my life is not my main concern. Yours is, and the future lives yet to be born. I am constantly reminded of this by my own self when I start to feel emotional about things happening in my life. Now it may also appear that my true nature is more selfish than I want it to be but that is not accurate. My previous behavior has been inculcated deeply within me and the behavior change I am experiencing is what I am expressing as being constantly reminded. The introspection I am writing about that I apply to myself is not unusual to humanity. We as a species have been introspective since before we began to record our own history. Introspection is common to all of us. Where I may take introspection to a different place within me is that I have already considered myself as not part of the future. In other words I write and talk as if I have already left existence. My youth has passed me by and the rest of what I am will be used in a more constructive way. The most constructive way I feel is for me to be totally selfless. Being in a state of constant selflessness is difficult because I am in reality still alive. Outside of that little conundrum I am finding it easier for me to stay objective and rationalize how our future can look without me being in the equation. The one tool I have that is a vast array of possibilities is my mind. In using my mind to construct and theorize about what could be in the best interests of humanity is a control I am still allowed to utilize. The greatest gift I can serve to humanity is what I can realize and idealize as the better and best principles that humanity has to offer. Not what humanity can offer to me.

I will be heard (#293)

Since the moment I knew reason as a thought process I knew that what I had to say was important to me. I am alive and I want the universe to recognize that. I am not insignificant, I am not to be dismissed. If all I have is one breath left I will know that I existed. Why is this important to me? Because I am just another human being in a perpetual sea of human beings, I won't be held in view as being invisible. My voice has wave and intent. It is my signal to all time and all space that I have thoughts that matter. I will be heard. This little blog I write everyday is just one way in which what I think and feel is expressed to eternity. The stamp of my life is in the living of my life and like all things will be recorded in some way that has some significance. If I didn't believe that I would not bother to be heard. Life must have a meaning and regardless of whether we know what it is is irrelevant. I assume that how I live my life will be essential to some future event or comprehensive evaluation that will carry the best principles of humanity into a new era of life. It is my life to hope for the best of existence as well as it is your life to hope for the things that lift your life to it's highest levels. I am still privileged to be a human being who can raise his expectations to ideal levels and demand them from himself.

Sparking emotions (#292)

I will never understand why it takes some outside catalyst for many people before they find their emotions about some subjects. I say this because it should not be the case that something or someone else has to be a trigger for emotion to appear within a person on any random subject. My personal experience dictates what I think and feel without having to be coaxed or cajoled into caring or responding with emotion about any particular subject. I am the captain of my own feelings. I determine what is right or wrong in how I feel about situations. Even if I don't know how I feel it is still my "I don't know" that I am feeling. I trust my instincts and I am learning to trust my judgement in many matters that I am becoming more familiar with. Keeping an objective mindset is crucial to my being able to distinguish variances in right and wrong, not perfectly but mostly. I will not hijack or be hijacked by any wisdom that is not grounded in the better and best principles of humanity and what humanity can achieve. Virtue is my calling. Character traits within me demand that I act with forethought and balance about matters that affect me and that affect my world on a whole. My passion about circumstance and humanity are equal, although I find that love of a soul-mate has a deeper sensational impact on my being. Regardless, the message of this post is that I am the one who needs to express my emotions on the subjects that are in existence in my life. I shall not be told or tell others how they should feel but I will suggest to them that they should feel something about the things that are in their lives.

We need to have fun (#291)

There are so many problems in the world and a serious amount of discussion should be appropriated to solving these problems. The satisfaction gained when a solution is found or progress is made is an uplifting experience. These opportunities are not as common as I would like so I feel a need to express myself in a happy manner through other sources of activity. Mainly by initiating humor in any subject that is readily available without being overly offensive or insensitive. Humor for me is vital in my character and behavior. I also try to do or act in humorous ways to help others join me in having fun. Anymore, I do not use artificial stimulants as a way to induce different behavior from myself in order to have fun. Fun for me is witty and opportunistic. For me, it is innocent in intention and only employed to uplift my and others' moment. Every morning I look into the mirror and see my face looking back at me and the first thing I do is, consciously, put a smile on my face. This small act gets me going because as soon as I see the smile reflecting back at me I start to laugh. There is something about my smile that triggers my funny bone. We all have things in our lives that strike us at times with a need to express humor. I try to raise that criteria of funny to a new level that brings more and more laughter into my and, through extension, others' day as well. I need to have fun and will not stop trying to have fun regardless of the realities of life as they happen everyday.

Inspiration (#290)

Inspiration is out there everywhere for me to acknowledge. It is in the personal lives that I come into contact with, it is in the news reports I see and hear, it is in nature and it is in expressions of artistic creations that exemplify the human spirit. I could describe many examples of inspiration but I choose to define the term, inspiration, itself. Inspiration for me is an emotional event. I am captivated by it's effect upon me. Inspiration, when it strikes me, is a catalyst for a call to action for me. Whether I act on the inspiration is always curious with me. Sometimes my inspired moments need reflection to determine whether they are appropriate. I must always weigh the effect an inspired moment has on not only myself but on others it effects as well. Most often however when inspiration enlightens me I am most humbled and grateful for it's appearance. The reason I feel that inspiration comes to me is that I am open to learning and curious about what I don't know; what I don't know is considerable by the way. It is this blank canvas in my mind that allows for shapes to form and understanding to develop. Inspiration gives me opportunities yet unrealized. Inspiration, for me, is like hope in many ways. It offers the concept of new and fresh, it offers change from the now toward the future now. Inspiration makes my life a joy to be in. It will always be my wish to be inspired by any and all manners that propel me and create a new and better life for all of us.

Discoveries about our natural condition (#289)

Faith systems in the human culture have been in existence since the earliest artifacts of life have been found. It is not surprising that having noticed that we have no clue as to how we have come about to being in existence, that having faith in a higher power would be a logical assumption. It is not absolute as an assumption of it being true, however with nothing else besides scientific possibilities to grasp onto we are at least comfortable with the assumption. We are so early in the scope of how long we have been able to reason about how our existence came into being that it is presumptuous of anyone to think that all the clues have been discovered. It seems to me that thousands of years more are going to be necessary to move the debate along about how we came into being and what is the object of existence. The human struggle to even portray truth about many matters is still finding objections from those whose instincts tell them to keep knowledge where it can be managed by their superior intellect. It is regrettable that our current state of thinking does not have absolute integrity to display and yet hopeful that eventually we will come into being a society that finds humility in learning and defends the rights of all who are in existence with a fervency that reflects the best of the human offering to existence. What is the best of the human offering to existence humanity has? It is the struggle to defend when defending is needed. You may also call this love.

I love you (#288)

Three of the most powerful words in my life. I cannot tell how many times I have wanted to say those words to someone who has that same gut feeling inside of them that I do about love for just each other. I am hopeful and persistent about finding this one particular circumstance. Being able to look a girl in the eyes and hold her look right back at me and say that I love you. There are no guarantees about anything in life except that it will all come to an end someday, but still I feel that having the potential to love a girl the way I know I can gives me hope that this feeling inside me must have a purpose more than just to exist within me. The older I get the less time I have of finding the one who will share her life with me in love. Time is a concern but only a concern, not the determining factor until I reach the end of my life. In the meantime, I have people to meet and relationships to nurture so that I have more opportunity to find the girl who has been waiting or has been unaware of how she feels about me. Time in this instance will tell eventually. As an optimist I tend to let the hope of a possible reality permeate through me and lift my spirits however artificial. It is still a lifting and an expectation worthy of a smile. I love you can be in my future and just knowing it can strengthens me.

I am a witness to my life (#287)

I am a witness to my life. What that means is that I am aware of what is happening to and around me. What will be the true story of my life? I know that my decisions about what I am and am to be is crucial in deciding my story. The emotions within me are secondary to the good I can be apart of in my life. By saying my emotions are secondary, I mean to describe that reality in life has a greater priority to the wants and desires I have for myself on a personal level. I understand that my feelings about how I feel is of lesser concern to me than the stark, painful circumstances I see in my little view of the world. The negation of selfishness in my life is a continual battle that can only be won on a daily basis. I hope that eventually selfishness will become so insignificant in my life that it will have no power to influence my actions. It is amazing to me how I am able to maintain a level of consciousness about my ambition to become a better man. It would be so easy to follow the same old patterns of behaviour that have existed in full previously in my life. I am honored that I have found a peace within my life that allows me to change the person of myself into a person I wish I had already become. I have been given an insight that allows me to see that I am not who I need to be. It is necessary for me to maintain this peaceful existence, since I have been gifted with a vision of it. I am the witness to my life and the little I have achieved toward it is stimulating and invigorating in the sense that I need more.

Stubborn is me (#286)

It seems that the determination I reflect back to others has it's origins within me from the act of being stubborn. I don't presume to equate my stubborn beginnings with being obstinate or closed-minded, I rather infer that the stubborn ability I present parallel my quest to not give up or in to the lessening of human choices to experience and flourish in existence. The subjective aspect of the meaning given to being stubborn has no place in my discussion of the parts of my life that make me, me. Being stubborn has kept my striving to be a better person in focus. The better way to describe my stubbornness is in the following statement; I am stubborn but not to a fault. Relentless is another descriptive word to describe my inner motivational fire. However, relentless is not fully a descriptive enough word to match the ideal of my being stubborn. Relentless doesn't allow for the flushing out of argument in it's application, whereas being stubborn denotes an occasional reflection on other possibilities. I should also say that being stubborn and on one track of thinking to the exclusion of all others is not what I am implying. I will stubbornly begin a train of thought or course of action and have the ability to deviate from a single path. The lesson I have always firmly held as a conviction is that I am constantly learning and rationalizing new concepts. Not to allow for change within my thinking would be absurd and counter-productive. The action of my stubbornness helps me to continue on an enlightened course and gives me room to upgrade the clarity with which I am following.

The circle of life (#285)

How appropriate it is for the brave in our society to sacrifice of themselves on our behalf. It is a constant reminder to all of us to search within ourselves and find our bravery as well. Courage is a learned and practiced behavior. We all have it within us to express. The determination and selflessness necessary for it to reflect from us is up to us to display. Life has never been easy, it is a circle born to die. Such is our human reality. No amount of denial will change this stark reality. Acceptance therefore of what life and death are in existence is an absolute. The emotional part of my being wishes to shield the heartaches within life from those I love and care about. I must not shield them from the truth of heartache because heartache is a consequence of living in this world and serves as an expression of having lost love in some form. The truth of living and dying is real and honest and should be a part of all of our lives. The miracle of life is what should be remembered and the passing of life should be a celebration of the gift of that life. If there was some way that I could bring death to a halt I would. I cannot however and accepting that reality is what this existence demands of me. We all become better and best human beings when we are aware of the truth of life and how we need to express it.

So many layers of fear to conquer (#284)

I am still unraveling the hidden assumptions I have been making concerning how I live my life. I have not yet tasted true freedom from stereotypes and false premises. I am learning that I have few truly honest views of circumstances and realities I encounter. There seems to be a superficial covering over things that I am having some difficulty seeing through. I am aware of this however and by knowing that I can begin to unravel some of these confusions with a more reflective approach to my thought processes. Particularly, my expectation assumptions are not realistic. They are more heavily weighed toward what others should be doing or thinking instead of what I should be doing or thinking. I am the only one whom I have any control over. I am the one who can effect positive change upon myself through curiosity and logic. I need all aspects of my existence to come into play for me to have the kind of perspective necessary to advance my own growth. What I find is my emotions or my passion dictates at times my logic. This is not the sequence I need to properly understand my overall take on the issues that confront me. Where I need to modify or recalculate is in the area of my decision making process that has an elevated factor based upon heart felt emotion. I need to trust the instinct I have been given in my gut to help define how I feel about the emotional and passionate aspects of circumstances and temper them with objective logic and reasonableness. What I consider and think of circumstances needs to be less about me and more about actual realities and the effect on the population at large.

I saw myself and I was not impressed (#283)

I recognized a trait within myself that I expect others to have perfected. What a revelation. I am not able to handle certain situations I expect others to have mastered. Not that they have or have not just that they should have. I am without a doubt a hypocrite if I continue to have these expectations of others. I know that being afraid to speak to truth when it shows itself is something all of us battle with. For me to pick out certain situations and have expectations about them is inconsistent with the principles I hope to reflect. Sometimes an awkwardness envelopes relationships and it is easy or the previous learned behavior to ignore or hide from being honest. Being honest is my only hope to a better life and the sooner I practice honesty in all the circumstances and situations my life presents to me the quicker I will begin to realize my goal of being the best man I can be. Life is hard and making it more confusing is not productive. I know my heart yet at times I still hide from that reality. I am human and given to frailty, but not as an excuse. I will try harder to improve who I am and who I want to be while taking less opportunity to expect out others what they are capable or willing to give.

Making myself slow down once in awhile (#282)

I find it absurd that I have to write about this but apparently I am absurd. Lol, seems logical anyway. I am constantly trying to think of something to do when the most important thing I can do right now is rest and relax my mind. I am in the process of turning off the television, no radio just silence and the sound of nature around me. I have been working a fast paced work project and this time at home right now is for me to rest and reinvigorate. I am learning that resting is somewhat difficult since I have trained myself to stay busy. I must become more flexible in how I approach life and the many different circumstances that occur. I can be lazy but not for very long then I need a task to perform with some kind of physical action. The most important reminder I have right now is that I am still tired, emotionally, mentally and physically. Until I have retrieved the vigor I had when I started this project I am not doing myself or anyone around me any good. This morning I was privileged to have a group discussion about the benefit of meditation. I am glad that I have, within my life, people who talk about things that I need to hear. I am so appreciative of others who share similar circumstances concerning subjects that help me to decide how to implement them into my life. slowing down and resting or relaxing is one of the very many subjects I need to address in my life.

Letting go of the past (#281)

I am amused at how I am able to come up with this topic for today. I was just contemplating on what my topic should be when I saw a symbol of something that reminded me of my past. A simple object has the power to rekindle memories within me that have been stored away for decades. As in all things in my life the good always comes with a measure of the bad. My memories are no exception. However, the bad is not overwhelming only less than what it should have been. The good is also not overwhelming but it also could have been better. I think at times that the past is a record of who I am but in my reality it is a record of who I am becoming still. The past was the learning curve that has gotten me to the place I am going to today. I don't hold much sentiment or remorse in the actions and thoughts of my past. I only use the past as a reminder and a teaching tool to give myself perspective on the present and possible future circumstances that are and may come my way. Life is hard enough without dragging around the seemingly irrelevant. Where I live is in today and hopefully many more tomorrows. How I am able to take from what was already lived and apply it to what may come is my objective. Certainly reflecting back on the past has some value on my life but not in any sense that predetermines my destiny. The past can only have control over my present and future if I am not willing to live a life of an individual human being with the knowledge of knowing I can shape my life through thought and action determined solely by own hopes and wishes. I don't live in the past, I live right now where I am at at any given moment.

On the subject of being natural (#280)

Being natural is a very difficult description to attempt to make. I was hesitant to post on this subject, however when I find that I am unsure about something the best result for me is to take it on. I won't start with a question, instead I will try to describe how being natural manifests itself with me. In the morning, like it is now for me, my mind is immediately engaged in thoughts that are currently of priority for my day. My body is another story. My body is like it most always is, instinctual. By that I mean that my body does it's own voluntary and involuntary reactions to the stimuli present at the moment. In a sense, metaphorically, I am two halves of different processes. One half, logic/reason and the other half, instinctual behavior. That is the origin of my being natural today. Since this cognitive/behavior action displayed on my part is how I am then I can feel assured that this is my natural state. I have controls over how I allow, my instinctual and logical processes, to apply themselves but I have no control over the fact that they will proceed in my life. Time is the formula I use to dictate how I want and hope my thoughts and physical actions to present themselves. It is noteworthy that I, again I, have only some control over both halves of myself. I am responsible for both however, and seek to constantly address how they are observed by myself and others. Being natural for me is a trial and error situation combined with my own expectations of what I wish to be. I know it sounds like I am being artificial instead of natural but I am not naturally without reason. Therefore being natural for me is a learned process based upon how I want my life to exist for me and what expectations I have for how I am observed by others.

Anticipation as motivation (#279)

It is not always possible to be motivated at a high level for long periods of time. There are mornings where the rigors of the preceding days have hit a plateau for me and I am not quite able to sustain a consistent vitality. I am relentless in my search for motivation at these times in order to reestablish my usual zest for living. A tactic I find competent is the thought of some anticipated event that is forthcoming in my near future. I grasp this concept with anticipation of it's arrival. In doing so a motivation of expectation fills me with a sensation of excitement and thus provides me with a lift to my spirits and a vitality level which brings more happiness to my thoughts. I am not natural to being an eternal optimist or always being upbeat. I am human and have the same human frailty's we all share in at times. I will not languish in human frailty for long and I am consistently searching for ways to present my thought that life is a gift and I am humbled in being a human life in existence. It is critical then to have goals or plans in the future to strive toward. I don't have to hit those goals or conclude those plans with absolute control but generally I hope to move forward toward them with my best efforts. Just having a thought toward the future of some anticipated reality gears me up to get through those days where my usual motivation for living is not at the threshold I need it to be.

Perspective (#278)

Enlightenment comes from having added some thought or action to an already established concept that changes that concept into another form. Perspective is when you see something simple change into something different. Or something complex change into something simple. Literally, perspective is a viewpoint. The definition of perspective I am trying to get at is the one where objectivity is the logical sequence of experience or cognition. As a young man I saw most everything in the simple form of right or wrong. As I have matured and added perspective I see things as mixtures of both right and wrong. Perspective is a learned premise. It is a viewpoint with many conclusive possibilities. The genius of having an objective perspective is that it allows for logic to work. Logic is not foolproof, but it is consistent in balancing and weighing possibilities as to their priority. My desire to never stop learning is based entirely on the fact that I live for only a short period of time, relatively, and this existence is both abundant with discoverable knowledge and unknown knowledge yet to be identified. I am continually humbled by my presence here in existence. The power(s) that made my presence a life, as a human being, with behavior and cognition control have my eternal gratitude. As I continue to grow as a student within existence I continue to add to my perspective about our society of humanity. History shows me that enlightenment occurs when curiosity is employed. My life shows me that enlightenment within myself occurs when I continue to question and wonder about the things I have yet to discover.

Keeping it real (#277)

I have gotten to the point in my life where there is so much manipulation and strategy for some many things I am involved with that I am at peace. I am at peace because I don't employ strategy or manipulation as a tool to achieve an outcome. My contentment surrounding the turmoil of advantage gained, is that I just keep it real. The outcome will be what it is then I can move one way or the other based on it. Of course I must always temper the truth of my speech with tact and diplomacy but never to the extent toward convolution of the content of my speech. The honorable man I am striving to become would expect no less than the truth. My ideals concerning finance and occupation must be kept at the level I respect and wish to demonstrate. I only have myself to live with and the compromising of myself and my values for temporary satisfaction or gain is not to be allowed. This is where the peace comes in that I have about what the world has to offer versus what I wish for my own personal growth. This is no match since in my past I have sought the illusion of success through any means. Today, success for me comes in the form of how well do I reflect the principles of honor and justice through the practice and action of compassion and curiosity. My inner growth toward being a better example of humanity, and humanity's best instincts and cognition's, is the only value I will consider worthy of my definition of success.

Meditation as a resource (#276)

When I used to think of meditating I had the idea that it was a waste of time and some ridiculous philosophy. How wrong I was. I am a firm believer that meditation has many applications in my life. I use meditation to center my thinking, calm my emotions and create new concepts for my imagination. Meditation also allows me to recharge my physical being as well. Meditation is a tool or more understandably a resource I can draw on in times of challenge or difficulty. It isn't mystical with me it is just a time I can spend emptying my mind or just allowing free-flow of whatever enters my head. I use meditation also in a spiritual way because that is my choice to do so. I am very pleased that meditation has found it's way into practice within my life and the results for me, have been everything optimistic and encouraging. I always find a little time to meditate before I begin my blog subjects as meditating helps me to clearly define what I am trying to convey. I blame the lack of conveying clearly on my inability to communicate if there are those who cannot understand what I am writing. It is not the fault of meditating, it is the fault of the Carl not being coherent enough. The thoughts come through meditation and for that I am well blessed.

Life counting it's days on me (#275)

I look deep within myself for answers or for direction to those things that are directly in contact with my present moment. I am in a meditative state of mind this morning obviously. (insert laugh) I do believe that the answers to most all of my questions are within me waiting to be revealed. I call upon a power that I am comfortable with to help guide my thinking and keep me in the best of thoughts about principles of honor. My strength as a human being comes from virtue. When I am able to collect my mind around the right and true my strength is powerful. By keeping to the principles of honor, ethics, justice, with a mixture of common sense, I have armed myself with purpose. That feeling of having a powerful purpose to defend or express is the best of who I am. Life for me is when I am in the moment with a dedication to the better and best that human nature has yet to offer. What an honor and privilege I have in seeing my destiny for living, despite whatever circumstance that may appear. I am heading toward the end of the life I have been gifted, in that my days of living so far will not outnumber the days I have left in existence. I am well satisfied however with the position I find myself in. No regrets greater than the promise of a better future do I have within me. The selfishness of my past was less honorable but the selflessness of my present and continuing on into my future has greater honor yet to be shown. I am confident in stating this because I have found my peace with life and death.

The magnificence of life (#274)

I was just sitting here meditating on the title of this posting when a dawning of a reality set upon me. I was reminded once again that the peace of this present moment is a gift of amazing proportion. The sensations I am able to enjoy have an artificial atmosphere in which I have a good amount of control over. I am sitting in the high desert, approximately 4300 feet, early in the morning with the outside temperature around 40 degrees. Although the outside cold is near, the inside warmth is surrounding me at a comfortable 70 degrees. I just finished off two very healthy pieces of wheat toast with a few cups of tasty coffee. I am typing on my laptop this posting, which will go over the Internet when I publish it, thoughts I wish to share with any and all of humanity. My appreciation for the most fundamental and bare dirt basics in my life are clear and objective. Thank you life for bringing me to you. It is still real and objective that today someone else is sitting in the high desert in some other part of the world with nothing but the cold outside. I am a realist and shall be a humble one because I recognize that the world is all of us just not only me. Humanity has such a task ahead of itself. Bringing to bear all of our efforts to shape our society toward meaningful birth control with dignity and respect for those who are birthed and live within existence. Birth control sounds so ominous but what I mean to convey is having children, not as chattel or with no thought to how they must live but as a gift to our world that the parents hope to nurture and love. The human experiment will only succeed with the best of our hearts, minds and souls displaying the characteristics of compassion and curiosity and our will to survive.

My home is where my heart is (#273)

Although many things seem be to wresting for position in my mind the one constant is that whenever I think above my thoughts a smile still comes to my face. I know why this happens, it is because regardless of the endless streams of practical and creative images forming in my mind I am still happy in my heart. Many things are happening around me at this time yet my soul is content and that fact alone is my rock. The continual change happening to me is not taking place in my heart. I will always have the goodness within me as a constant companion wherever and whatever I am doing. I think of my little animals that I love and who give me back their affection, and the time I have been away from them. It is somewhat heartbreaking but also more-so an anticipation upon returning and seeing them again. Some of my family and friends have been waiting for me to come home and look them into the face with a real smile of reconnecting. I may be a thousand miles away but my home is in my heart. That is where the warmth of all my good memories reside. My memories are sufficient today in keeping me balanced and healthy in my approach to the obligations I must greet. The feelings in my heart also serve me in bringing who I am to the myriad new people I am meeting and getting to know. New friends are very good but my old friends are too and I miss them when I don't see them. Such are the demands of society when obligations must be met. I will continue to smile the smile of a man who has found a road to travel that offers contentment. Truly, my home is where my heart is and today my heart is with all of those that I know.

Still looking forward (#272)

Again fear has it's temptations with me. Temptations only though. This world has it's way of making me think, temporarily, that it is too complicated for me to be effective in it. Ha! I am still plagued at very small moments with the fleeting thought that I don't measure up to normal standards. This is a normal human condition that I believe is shared by all or most all of our society at large. It only takes me a few seconds to rationalize the thoughts away to the trash bin in my mind. I am the man who is on a mission to improve himself and by extension hopefully reflect back to others as a good example. This is my only goal in life that has my constant vigilance. I also am looking for that life partner to share my life with but that is up to fate and destiny because I am not able to find this person on my own. My future still holds mystery and confidence that is allowing me to look forward to everyday that comes as I awaken. I am privileged to be in existence and hope to continue to be here as long as my mind and body will allow me. Carpe diem, seize the day, is my spirit; and Manifest destiny, claiming all from horizon to horizon, is my wish for the kind of future I hope for the best of mankind to create.

Come what may (#271)

Bring it on. The fortitude to show the strength necessary to confront whatever circumstance that presents itself in my life is girded by the truth. Honest application of my being is how I approach the challenges I face today. My continual conversation concerning living a life of a principled man who only wishes to be better at life is the impetus for me to face the daily challenges regardless of their nature. The foundation of me is still being built but it is strong in character and action. Knowing that who I am is what will be my greatest ally in facing uncertainty is comforting in that there is a peace within me that my spirit experiences. There are some challenges awaiting me in the present work position I am filling. I understand also that I take these circumstances as personal challenges. Maybe my approach is a bit overstated but my resolve to handle and complete them is highly focused. My ability to adapt to any situation is being tested with challenges that are a bit difficult and complex. However, my life as a principled man gives me the inner fortitude to accept these challenges with the grace of a man who will accept nothing less than a job well done. I really like who I am today and today is the time I need to really like myself. As fate or destiny would have it, it is my time to show what I am capable of doing.

Each and every individual human (#270)

There is no playbook. There is no guide to being human. We as a society of humans have offered ideas about how to live but there is no absolute way. Deep down within us exists our will or our soul, however you decide to describe that which makes you, you. And in the person of yourself exists the ability we call being alive and functioning as a human being. As a category of life, we are unique. We are biological with an inherent ability to reason and remember. The awesomeness of that reality is overwhelming. I am incredulous at my ability to reason and communicate, so much so, that I feel absolutely humbled at the prospect of actually reasoning and learning more. It is my life's ambition to relentlessly search for knowledge with all the vigor I possess. I have been working toward being the better and best human being I can possibly become but also attempting to learn and understand the little mysteries I am capable of comprehending. My personal judgement about how I am living and what I am learning is foremost and fundamental to who I am. I will never abrogate my personal humanity to any other being in existence without just cause to sacrifice and principled honor. Being a man of honor is my goal in life since I was less than that in my past. My perspective has evolved to include my admitting of faults and my determination to correct those that remain within me but to also move forward and creating a better past and present through my actions today. The future is where my heart of hopes lay and that is the impetus to the individual being I am. We all struggle to know who we are but when we do find out that we are all given the same ingredients with which to define ourselves, more times than not we will find that our better and best instincts define who we are and the end result will be for others to judge.

I must do the next right thing (#269)

To be selfish would not allow me to do the next right thing. This statement is a stark reminder to me of just how difficult it can be for me to transform to the person I wish to become. The key for me to an agreeable transformation is my sentinel duty to remain in the present. Now, I just bet some of you think that I must be a simpleton if my only duty is to be in the present. How absurd of me not to be in the present. What is difficult for me is to keep my mind from wandering into what my or your or our future should be instead of just experiencing the present. The future will come to me in the form of the present. If I have been attentive to the present and done the next right thing right in front of me then most times the future will be what it is naturally supposed to be. I am a guest in existence with some control over myself and very little control over the immediate things around me. I accept this premise and hope to someday improve my will over my immediate surroundings through becoming a better example to others for how to live a good life. However the choice still will remain with those who choose. My significant insignificance is appropriately measured and appreciated by myself. The lesser I think of myself and think instead of others the greater the stature I reflect back to those whose lives I touch. By being less about me I become more of who I am. A conundrum perhaps in describing my actions but no conundrum in the reality of the result.

"The times they are a changing"-Bob Dylan (#268)

Such a simple observant statement. Yet some things will or should never change. An example is another quote by a man named Dylan, Dylan Thomas. "Do not go gentle into that good night". The theme in Dylan Thomas's poem is instilled in the line, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light". Our indomitable spirits should never change from the premise of struggling to survive. Our nature's are resilient and persevere against all the changes in the times that we experience. Change is reality, it must come as a consequence of measuring time, and should also be embraced with our most ardent expectations. Realizing that times change is one thing. Realizing that we must hold dear and near to us the principles of good and right about ourselves is what we should always resolve to never change. The dynamics of living in a world that offers constant change with the dynamic of ourselves evolving from the better toward the best is our task in existence. We must isolate the principles of our natures that must always be the make-up of who we are and shine light on them as the example of how to live in a world not of our own design. Often I feel as if we are in an incubator of sorts just trying to find the best combination of living. This little analogy is too simple and is only an inkling of how much more complex existence is, however the process of defining humanity within the scope of animate and inanimate objects is continual. Our osmosis will occur but not without us cherishing and defending the best of who we are in both cognition and behaviour.