Know where your heart is (#304)

This is the most difficult subject for me on a personal level as it pertains to the love between this man and a woman. I know what my heart tells me and I know what reality tells me. I believe we all feel that the love that we feel toward another human being is one of a kind. True love if you will permit me to describe it as. How does one go about compromising on that? I know that there are "no deserves" or guarantees in life and what we have is what there is. I also know that what I feel inside of me is too important to me to ever let it be diluted. I guess I just answered my own question. I don't compromise on that. Then what is left? I suppose to have some happiness is better than martyrdom. I am being overly dramatic, martyrdom in the sense that I would never allow myself to have a relationship with another woman who is not the one I am truly in love with. I know that I am not the first nor last to have his or her true love not come to it's fruition. I am just another human being in the world full of other human beings trying to find their way through life. I know also that I will never lose my hope for the love of my life to come to me in some unexpected way. I also know that I will continue on living and if I find someone else who wants to be my life companion I should consider that as well.

How does one trust (#303)

I have been disappointed so many times that the act of trusting has a cynical property to it from the beginning of any trust situation. I know that each and every individual needs to have an initial trust given to them by me but it seems as if my given trust usually is abused. I remember when I was younger and not as wise I used to not care much about the trust given me by other people and always did what was best for me. Life is a cycle and what you reap you will more than likely also sow. I am not concluding that all of my previous actions will be returned upon me but I am saying that what I did to others should not be a surprise to me if it is done back to me. Back to trust, I will continue to put myself out there in a trusting fashion regardless if my trust is abused because the alternative is even worse, never trusting anyone. I also believe that my trust given is a gift and I should not expect a return. If I receive one, I will be blessed with that. I am also looking for my soul-mate companion if she exists and I need to be at the ready unless I let her slip away from me because I would not give her a chance to reveal herself to me. I must continue to trust with all my hope that it will be honored and cared for the way I should also honor and care for your trust in me.

Freedom to tell the truth (#302)

America, The United States of America, is a country that has struggled to gain the right for it's citizens to speak freely of their opinions. As long as no harm to others or themselves is involved this right is universal within the jurisprudence of American territory. How unbelievable this is for us to celebrate in our lifetime on a daily basis. In our past history this has not been the case. In present history outside our shores many other territories do not allow such freedom of speech. The cost America paid for this liberty is immeasurable. The life and blood, given and shed is unfathomable. How dear to us we should value this immense gift and protect it with every fiber of our being. As a consequence of the right to freedom of speech there is a moral, ethical and legal obligation to tell the truth. Truth telling is not as simple as just going around and speaking truth to everything that is in existence, or is it? I know that knowing what the truth is, is sometimes difficult to know and understand. But knowing what truth is should be a starting point for speaking truth. No words should come out as truth that are not actually truth. I know that I constantly keep my mouth in check on subjects that I am unsure about. Where I have problems is when I hear other people speak less than truth as if it were truth. I want to debate and refute their premise, disguised as a conclusion. I am not the truth police but I honor truth and the price that has been paid to secure it's expression. Nothing in life is of a higher value than the personal sacrifice of human life. When it is made in the name of freedom, especially freedom to tell the truth, then I for one will also defend it with my life.

It is in the hard that we find ourselves (#301)

For myself, I find that when things get hard for me I can either quit or keep going. Of course it is never that simple. Generally though, when I find that a situation has gotten difficult and I am beyond normal routine, I still focus a little harder on the subject at hand and push as hard as I can toward a conclusion. I seldom give in to the old behavior I used to accept and stop doing whatever it was I was doing because it got difficult and I could just tell myself that fate must not want me to continue. That was not true thinking on my part. I can control my fate by being a stronger more principled person and follow through on choices I have made. The outcomes are never within my total control but my behavior and actions are within my control. The satisfaction that comes with accomplishment is dear. It propels my senses into a clarity that I seldom find without having earned the privilege. I only know this much about how not to quit on something I know is right; I will fail myself and who I am trying to become if I let difficult struggle bypass without giving everything I have to face and conquer it. Therefore, the next logical step is to face all my difficulties with the same determination to succeed and not quit. I can always tell when the hard is upon me, it makes everything seem impossible or undo-able. It is then that my faith kicks in and an extra surge of motivation comes upon me. I am now getting used to not quitting and I am comfortable with the cognition that I can be stronger than the hard when it inevitably enters my domain.

Today is unofficially the 300 (#300)

It is appropriate that the first draft I did of this posting was gobbled up into the ether. I had already published it when it just disappeared from my listings during the transfer from editing. I am humbled to again write something on the day I am accomplishing the 300th posting to my blog. Writing an everyday blog is simple in concept but more difficult in reality. I have to maintain a level of objectivity while also projecting out principles to help guide any decision that can or must be made. I myself keep my own opinions most of the time to myself. When my personal views are included it is because I have an analogy attached and wish to describe the events. I am most assuredly not an expert on anything but I have certain principles for living which I contend must be incorporated into every living souls character. It is these principles of virtue and selflessness that can carry the human species forward into the future with a greater chance of enjoying existence with fewer possibilities for our own end. Compassion and curiosity, or care and wonder, the two human traits that occupy our existences the most. It is in living within these traits that we find our inner peace. It is also where we find our courage to learn and know the yet unknowable.

My word is my bond (#299)

If I say something it must come from within me. I shall not say anything that does not conform with what I hold as true. I am of a mindset that all the time I have left in existence must be lived with the principles of positive values. I so desire to experience my destiny on the correct side of truth and fairness. It is up to me to reflect those values I hold myself to. If I must slow down how I respond in order to correctly interpret and conclude every situation then that is what I must do. It is of little value for me to hurry toward a conclusion if I am in doubt as to the veracity or the insight of a situation. How I do value my word. It is of the greatest importance as a tool to impart what I can contribute on any particular circumstance. My fate, destiny or legacy is determined, in part, by how I infuse myself into society and into personal lives of those who wish or want to be a part of my daily life. Choosing the words I am using on this posting is an example of how I must stop and concentrate on each word I am using to describe what I am trying to say. All the time I need to respond, when asked something, is all the time I need to be sure I am giving back something of true value. I will not talk to hear my own voice or to inflate my ego or to project an image of myself that is not true. It is okay for me to say I don't know. I have learned and I am continuing to learn that I am not all answers, I am just a simple man who cares about all of you.

Never lose hope (#298)

I have been through many ups and downs in my life concerning having good things happen and bad things happen. I find today that I can determine some of the outcomes but still fate will have it's turn in presenting my present and future regardless of what I do. I just will never lose hope in expecting the best for myself and others around me that I can have some influence with. Hope is a great asset when I feel let down or some unexpected event lowers my enthusiasm. I am human and as a human being I am susceptible to disappointment. However the disappointment, I am not perpetually stuck there. Time has a way of showing me that regardless of the inevitability my mind may comprehend as an eventual outcome, reality and existence has another more complex conclusion than I do. I have to trust in goodness and being the best man I can be in order for the peace of mind I seek to appear. Certainties are what I have to live with but existence is the arbiter of all certainties and I will trust my fate to it's hands. One intent of hope is to endure through that which would wear us down to a despaired state. I am fortunate that I am not isolated to myself and have contact and interaction with persons or a medium which allows me to express myself in order to release any despair before it can fester into something even worse. Living in existence as a human being is a gift beyond any imagining. I hope to cherish this gift and find what small pleasures I can and be humbled at them finding me.

The foundation of being (#297)

The wonder within me has not changed since the day I first started wondering. I have gotten older and in some people's mind I am old. Regardless of others' perceptions I am as young in my soul as I have always been. It is tough that my body has continued to age while my mind continues to stay young. Of course I accept this and expect nothing much to change this process. However, I also do not expect my wonderment of perception to change likewise. It is in my mind where all the real living of my life exists. What is inside of me is what counts not the shell that houses what I am. I try to take care of the shell but it is inside me that the most care is taken in keeping me fresh and updated. My ability to analyze and reason are truly the complexity within me that I find comfort with. Many theorists try to explain the individual state of the human species and our capacity to be unique. I feel that I am many parts working as a whole to form who I am. There are some parts that have less to do with reality and are more of a defense mechanism. There are other parts that deal with how my emotions interpret life situations and their manifestations. For the most part my core parts are my senses, they allow me to collect, sort, analyze, reason and conclude. All these parts have to do with what I am and am becoming. They all share an equal and focused trait which I refer to as curiosity or in this posting, wonder. My blog is concerned with the two traits of humanity I call the foundation of being, compassion and curiosity. These two traits are bridged through the act of survival. As long as I care and wonder and strive to stay alive I am in the youth of my life to the day that I die.

Expression (#296)

How an important subject like expression has been ignored by me until now is inexcusable. lol. I am fortunate to be a firm believer in expression and hope to always keep my expressions up front and tactful. There are many ways for me to express myself and I often do it with actions. Occasionally I express myself through no action at all. It is mostly through natural and instinctual expressions that I am most obvious in my displays of expression. I am also aware of how others may perceive my expressions and at times I must be mindful of delicate situations that require me to be discreet. My mind is like an engine that never stops so it is important that I keep my hands on the levers of it's controls. lol. Stereotypes have been dominant in my early life and are now being dismantled as subjects of how I express myself. I am an unique individual who is not necessarily prone to being stereotypical. My reasoning on subjects or likes and dislikes do not follow simple acculturated behaviors nor do they allow for prejudice to be any part of my analytical calculations. As I continue to mature into the human being I am hoping to become I find that there is more of a naturalness to my reactions along the lines of my more matured nature. I am hopeful that my inner instinctual behavior will begin to closely match my new cognitive thoughts about how I wish to be. Expression will be the end result of my metamorphosis and will be who I want to be when I am being me.

The power of magic (#295)

Magic for me is when great possibilities meet at the same time. It is like a convergence of appropriately placed events. I am not referring to trickery or supernatural, just serendipity at it's finest. It is a lot like to people falling in love with each other, magical. I still am and always will be a romantic of some form or of some degree. I say that because I believe in the power of magic and it happening all around me. If I am to believe in anything it should be in the wonder and awesomeness of great good things. I would like to think that providence has a hand in making magic but alas it is just more likely coincidence. If it is coincidence then helping coincidence along is my next thought. Being vigilant and expectant without losing hope is also necessary to optimize the chance for magic to happen for me and possibly for others. My experience as a human being should be full of the wishes and dreams that can come true and also have some wishes and dreams that may never come true. Hope is all I ask for, the end results will still be what they are but holding out for some magical moment is a good thing. The inner yearning that is associated with having magic happen for me is somewhat unexplainable. I am struggling to put words to the sense I feel about having or anticipating something magical. I will say this, magic is like Christmas morning with presents to unwrap. It is also like a part of fate or destiny yet to be revealed in my life. I am convinced that there are certain magical moments for all of us and hope that we may all experience our magical moments when they appear.

It is not about me (#294)

Regardless of how things appear, my life is not my main concern. Yours is, and the future lives yet to be born. I am constantly reminded of this by my own self when I start to feel emotional about things happening in my life. Now it may also appear that my true nature is more selfish than I want it to be but that is not accurate. My previous behavior has been inculcated deeply within me and the behavior change I am experiencing is what I am expressing as being constantly reminded. The introspection I am writing about that I apply to myself is not unusual to humanity. We as a species have been introspective since before we began to record our own history. Introspection is common to all of us. Where I may take introspection to a different place within me is that I have already considered myself as not part of the future. In other words I write and talk as if I have already left existence. My youth has passed me by and the rest of what I am will be used in a more constructive way. The most constructive way I feel is for me to be totally selfless. Being in a state of constant selflessness is difficult because I am in reality still alive. Outside of that little conundrum I am finding it easier for me to stay objective and rationalize how our future can look without me being in the equation. The one tool I have that is a vast array of possibilities is my mind. In using my mind to construct and theorize about what could be in the best interests of humanity is a control I am still allowed to utilize. The greatest gift I can serve to humanity is what I can realize and idealize as the better and best principles that humanity has to offer. Not what humanity can offer to me.

I will be heard (#293)

Since the moment I knew reason as a thought process I knew that what I had to say was important to me. I am alive and I want the universe to recognize that. I am not insignificant, I am not to be dismissed. If all I have is one breath left I will know that I existed. Why is this important to me? Because I am just another human being in a perpetual sea of human beings, I won't be held in view as being invisible. My voice has wave and intent. It is my signal to all time and all space that I have thoughts that matter. I will be heard. This little blog I write everyday is just one way in which what I think and feel is expressed to eternity. The stamp of my life is in the living of my life and like all things will be recorded in some way that has some significance. If I didn't believe that I would not bother to be heard. Life must have a meaning and regardless of whether we know what it is is irrelevant. I assume that how I live my life will be essential to some future event or comprehensive evaluation that will carry the best principles of humanity into a new era of life. It is my life to hope for the best of existence as well as it is your life to hope for the things that lift your life to it's highest levels. I am still privileged to be a human being who can raise his expectations to ideal levels and demand them from himself.

Sparking emotions (#292)

I will never understand why it takes some outside catalyst for many people before they find their emotions about some subjects. I say this because it should not be the case that something or someone else has to be a trigger for emotion to appear within a person on any random subject. My personal experience dictates what I think and feel without having to be coaxed or cajoled into caring or responding with emotion about any particular subject. I am the captain of my own feelings. I determine what is right or wrong in how I feel about situations. Even if I don't know how I feel it is still my "I don't know" that I am feeling. I trust my instincts and I am learning to trust my judgement in many matters that I am becoming more familiar with. Keeping an objective mindset is crucial to my being able to distinguish variances in right and wrong, not perfectly but mostly. I will not hijack or be hijacked by any wisdom that is not grounded in the better and best principles of humanity and what humanity can achieve. Virtue is my calling. Character traits within me demand that I act with forethought and balance about matters that affect me and that affect my world on a whole. My passion about circumstance and humanity are equal, although I find that love of a soul-mate has a deeper sensational impact on my being. Regardless, the message of this post is that I am the one who needs to express my emotions on the subjects that are in existence in my life. I shall not be told or tell others how they should feel but I will suggest to them that they should feel something about the things that are in their lives.

We need to have fun (#291)

There are so many problems in the world and a serious amount of discussion should be appropriated to solving these problems. The satisfaction gained when a solution is found or progress is made is an uplifting experience. These opportunities are not as common as I would like so I feel a need to express myself in a happy manner through other sources of activity. Mainly by initiating humor in any subject that is readily available without being overly offensive or insensitive. Humor for me is vital in my character and behavior. I also try to do or act in humorous ways to help others join me in having fun. Anymore, I do not use artificial stimulants as a way to induce different behavior from myself in order to have fun. Fun for me is witty and opportunistic. For me, it is innocent in intention and only employed to uplift my and others' moment. Every morning I look into the mirror and see my face looking back at me and the first thing I do is, consciously, put a smile on my face. This small act gets me going because as soon as I see the smile reflecting back at me I start to laugh. There is something about my smile that triggers my funny bone. We all have things in our lives that strike us at times with a need to express humor. I try to raise that criteria of funny to a new level that brings more and more laughter into my and, through extension, others' day as well. I need to have fun and will not stop trying to have fun regardless of the realities of life as they happen everyday.

Inspiration (#290)

Inspiration is out there everywhere for me to acknowledge. It is in the personal lives that I come into contact with, it is in the news reports I see and hear, it is in nature and it is in expressions of artistic creations that exemplify the human spirit. I could describe many examples of inspiration but I choose to define the term, inspiration, itself. Inspiration for me is an emotional event. I am captivated by it's effect upon me. Inspiration, when it strikes me, is a catalyst for a call to action for me. Whether I act on the inspiration is always curious with me. Sometimes my inspired moments need reflection to determine whether they are appropriate. I must always weigh the effect an inspired moment has on not only myself but on others it effects as well. Most often however when inspiration enlightens me I am most humbled and grateful for it's appearance. The reason I feel that inspiration comes to me is that I am open to learning and curious about what I don't know; what I don't know is considerable by the way. It is this blank canvas in my mind that allows for shapes to form and understanding to develop. Inspiration gives me opportunities yet unrealized. Inspiration, for me, is like hope in many ways. It offers the concept of new and fresh, it offers change from the now toward the future now. Inspiration makes my life a joy to be in. It will always be my wish to be inspired by any and all manners that propel me and create a new and better life for all of us.

Discoveries about our natural condition (#289)

Faith systems in the human culture have been in existence since the earliest artifacts of life have been found. It is not surprising that having noticed that we have no clue as to how we have come about to being in existence, that having faith in a higher power would be a logical assumption. It is not absolute as an assumption of it being true, however with nothing else besides scientific possibilities to grasp onto we are at least comfortable with the assumption. We are so early in the scope of how long we have been able to reason about how our existence came into being that it is presumptuous of anyone to think that all the clues have been discovered. It seems to me that thousands of years more are going to be necessary to move the debate along about how we came into being and what is the object of existence. The human struggle to even portray truth about many matters is still finding objections from those whose instincts tell them to keep knowledge where it can be managed by their superior intellect. It is regrettable that our current state of thinking does not have absolute integrity to display and yet hopeful that eventually we will come into being a society that finds humility in learning and defends the rights of all who are in existence with a fervency that reflects the best of the human offering to existence. What is the best of the human offering to existence humanity has? It is the struggle to defend when defending is needed. You may also call this love.

I love you (#288)

Three of the most powerful words in my life. I cannot tell how many times I have wanted to say those words to someone who has that same gut feeling inside of them that I do about love for just each other. I am hopeful and persistent about finding this one particular circumstance. Being able to look a girl in the eyes and hold her look right back at me and say that I love you. There are no guarantees about anything in life except that it will all come to an end someday, but still I feel that having the potential to love a girl the way I know I can gives me hope that this feeling inside me must have a purpose more than just to exist within me. The older I get the less time I have of finding the one who will share her life with me in love. Time is a concern but only a concern, not the determining factor until I reach the end of my life. In the meantime, I have people to meet and relationships to nurture so that I have more opportunity to find the girl who has been waiting or has been unaware of how she feels about me. Time in this instance will tell eventually. As an optimist I tend to let the hope of a possible reality permeate through me and lift my spirits however artificial. It is still a lifting and an expectation worthy of a smile. I love you can be in my future and just knowing it can strengthens me.

I am a witness to my life (#287)

I am a witness to my life. What that means is that I am aware of what is happening to and around me. What will be the true story of my life? I know that my decisions about what I am and am to be is crucial in deciding my story. The emotions within me are secondary to the good I can be apart of in my life. By saying my emotions are secondary, I mean to describe that reality in life has a greater priority to the wants and desires I have for myself on a personal level. I understand that my feelings about how I feel is of lesser concern to me than the stark, painful circumstances I see in my little view of the world. The negation of selfishness in my life is a continual battle that can only be won on a daily basis. I hope that eventually selfishness will become so insignificant in my life that it will have no power to influence my actions. It is amazing to me how I am able to maintain a level of consciousness about my ambition to become a better man. It would be so easy to follow the same old patterns of behaviour that have existed in full previously in my life. I am honored that I have found a peace within my life that allows me to change the person of myself into a person I wish I had already become. I have been given an insight that allows me to see that I am not who I need to be. It is necessary for me to maintain this peaceful existence, since I have been gifted with a vision of it. I am the witness to my life and the little I have achieved toward it is stimulating and invigorating in the sense that I need more.

Stubborn is me (#286)

It seems that the determination I reflect back to others has it's origins within me from the act of being stubborn. I don't presume to equate my stubborn beginnings with being obstinate or closed-minded, I rather infer that the stubborn ability I present parallel my quest to not give up or in to the lessening of human choices to experience and flourish in existence. The subjective aspect of the meaning given to being stubborn has no place in my discussion of the parts of my life that make me, me. Being stubborn has kept my striving to be a better person in focus. The better way to describe my stubbornness is in the following statement; I am stubborn but not to a fault. Relentless is another descriptive word to describe my inner motivational fire. However, relentless is not fully a descriptive enough word to match the ideal of my being stubborn. Relentless doesn't allow for the flushing out of argument in it's application, whereas being stubborn denotes an occasional reflection on other possibilities. I should also say that being stubborn and on one track of thinking to the exclusion of all others is not what I am implying. I will stubbornly begin a train of thought or course of action and have the ability to deviate from a single path. The lesson I have always firmly held as a conviction is that I am constantly learning and rationalizing new concepts. Not to allow for change within my thinking would be absurd and counter-productive. The action of my stubbornness helps me to continue on an enlightened course and gives me room to upgrade the clarity with which I am following.

The circle of life (#285)

How appropriate it is for the brave in our society to sacrifice of themselves on our behalf. It is a constant reminder to all of us to search within ourselves and find our bravery as well. Courage is a learned and practiced behavior. We all have it within us to express. The determination and selflessness necessary for it to reflect from us is up to us to display. Life has never been easy, it is a circle born to die. Such is our human reality. No amount of denial will change this stark reality. Acceptance therefore of what life and death are in existence is an absolute. The emotional part of my being wishes to shield the heartaches within life from those I love and care about. I must not shield them from the truth of heartache because heartache is a consequence of living in this world and serves as an expression of having lost love in some form. The truth of living and dying is real and honest and should be a part of all of our lives. The miracle of life is what should be remembered and the passing of life should be a celebration of the gift of that life. If there was some way that I could bring death to a halt I would. I cannot however and accepting that reality is what this existence demands of me. We all become better and best human beings when we are aware of the truth of life and how we need to express it.

So many layers of fear to conquer (#284)

I am still unraveling the hidden assumptions I have been making concerning how I live my life. I have not yet tasted true freedom from stereotypes and false premises. I am learning that I have few truly honest views of circumstances and realities I encounter. There seems to be a superficial covering over things that I am having some difficulty seeing through. I am aware of this however and by knowing that I can begin to unravel some of these confusions with a more reflective approach to my thought processes. Particularly, my expectation assumptions are not realistic. They are more heavily weighed toward what others should be doing or thinking instead of what I should be doing or thinking. I am the only one whom I have any control over. I am the one who can effect positive change upon myself through curiosity and logic. I need all aspects of my existence to come into play for me to have the kind of perspective necessary to advance my own growth. What I find is my emotions or my passion dictates at times my logic. This is not the sequence I need to properly understand my overall take on the issues that confront me. Where I need to modify or recalculate is in the area of my decision making process that has an elevated factor based upon heart felt emotion. I need to trust the instinct I have been given in my gut to help define how I feel about the emotional and passionate aspects of circumstances and temper them with objective logic and reasonableness. What I consider and think of circumstances needs to be less about me and more about actual realities and the effect on the population at large.

I saw myself and I was not impressed (#283)

I recognized a trait within myself that I expect others to have perfected. What a revelation. I am not able to handle certain situations I expect others to have mastered. Not that they have or have not just that they should have. I am without a doubt a hypocrite if I continue to have these expectations of others. I know that being afraid to speak to truth when it shows itself is something all of us battle with. For me to pick out certain situations and have expectations about them is inconsistent with the principles I hope to reflect. Sometimes an awkwardness envelopes relationships and it is easy or the previous learned behavior to ignore or hide from being honest. Being honest is my only hope to a better life and the sooner I practice honesty in all the circumstances and situations my life presents to me the quicker I will begin to realize my goal of being the best man I can be. Life is hard and making it more confusing is not productive. I know my heart yet at times I still hide from that reality. I am human and given to frailty, but not as an excuse. I will try harder to improve who I am and who I want to be while taking less opportunity to expect out others what they are capable or willing to give.

Making myself slow down once in awhile (#282)

I find it absurd that I have to write about this but apparently I am absurd. Lol, seems logical anyway. I am constantly trying to think of something to do when the most important thing I can do right now is rest and relax my mind. I am in the process of turning off the television, no radio just silence and the sound of nature around me. I have been working a fast paced work project and this time at home right now is for me to rest and reinvigorate. I am learning that resting is somewhat difficult since I have trained myself to stay busy. I must become more flexible in how I approach life and the many different circumstances that occur. I can be lazy but not for very long then I need a task to perform with some kind of physical action. The most important reminder I have right now is that I am still tired, emotionally, mentally and physically. Until I have retrieved the vigor I had when I started this project I am not doing myself or anyone around me any good. This morning I was privileged to have a group discussion about the benefit of meditation. I am glad that I have, within my life, people who talk about things that I need to hear. I am so appreciative of others who share similar circumstances concerning subjects that help me to decide how to implement them into my life. slowing down and resting or relaxing is one of the very many subjects I need to address in my life.

Letting go of the past (#281)

I am amused at how I am able to come up with this topic for today. I was just contemplating on what my topic should be when I saw a symbol of something that reminded me of my past. A simple object has the power to rekindle memories within me that have been stored away for decades. As in all things in my life the good always comes with a measure of the bad. My memories are no exception. However, the bad is not overwhelming only less than what it should have been. The good is also not overwhelming but it also could have been better. I think at times that the past is a record of who I am but in my reality it is a record of who I am becoming still. The past was the learning curve that has gotten me to the place I am going to today. I don't hold much sentiment or remorse in the actions and thoughts of my past. I only use the past as a reminder and a teaching tool to give myself perspective on the present and possible future circumstances that are and may come my way. Life is hard enough without dragging around the seemingly irrelevant. Where I live is in today and hopefully many more tomorrows. How I am able to take from what was already lived and apply it to what may come is my objective. Certainly reflecting back on the past has some value on my life but not in any sense that predetermines my destiny. The past can only have control over my present and future if I am not willing to live a life of an individual human being with the knowledge of knowing I can shape my life through thought and action determined solely by own hopes and wishes. I don't live in the past, I live right now where I am at at any given moment.

On the subject of being natural (#280)

Being natural is a very difficult description to attempt to make. I was hesitant to post on this subject, however when I find that I am unsure about something the best result for me is to take it on. I won't start with a question, instead I will try to describe how being natural manifests itself with me. In the morning, like it is now for me, my mind is immediately engaged in thoughts that are currently of priority for my day. My body is another story. My body is like it most always is, instinctual. By that I mean that my body does it's own voluntary and involuntary reactions to the stimuli present at the moment. In a sense, metaphorically, I am two halves of different processes. One half, logic/reason and the other half, instinctual behavior. That is the origin of my being natural today. Since this cognitive/behavior action displayed on my part is how I am then I can feel assured that this is my natural state. I have controls over how I allow, my instinctual and logical processes, to apply themselves but I have no control over the fact that they will proceed in my life. Time is the formula I use to dictate how I want and hope my thoughts and physical actions to present themselves. It is noteworthy that I, again I, have only some control over both halves of myself. I am responsible for both however, and seek to constantly address how they are observed by myself and others. Being natural for me is a trial and error situation combined with my own expectations of what I wish to be. I know it sounds like I am being artificial instead of natural but I am not naturally without reason. Therefore being natural for me is a learned process based upon how I want my life to exist for me and what expectations I have for how I am observed by others.

Anticipation as motivation (#279)

It is not always possible to be motivated at a high level for long periods of time. There are mornings where the rigors of the preceding days have hit a plateau for me and I am not quite able to sustain a consistent vitality. I am relentless in my search for motivation at these times in order to reestablish my usual zest for living. A tactic I find competent is the thought of some anticipated event that is forthcoming in my near future. I grasp this concept with anticipation of it's arrival. In doing so a motivation of expectation fills me with a sensation of excitement and thus provides me with a lift to my spirits and a vitality level which brings more happiness to my thoughts. I am not natural to being an eternal optimist or always being upbeat. I am human and have the same human frailty's we all share in at times. I will not languish in human frailty for long and I am consistently searching for ways to present my thought that life is a gift and I am humbled in being a human life in existence. It is critical then to have goals or plans in the future to strive toward. I don't have to hit those goals or conclude those plans with absolute control but generally I hope to move forward toward them with my best efforts. Just having a thought toward the future of some anticipated reality gears me up to get through those days where my usual motivation for living is not at the threshold I need it to be.

Perspective (#278)

Enlightenment comes from having added some thought or action to an already established concept that changes that concept into another form. Perspective is when you see something simple change into something different. Or something complex change into something simple. Literally, perspective is a viewpoint. The definition of perspective I am trying to get at is the one where objectivity is the logical sequence of experience or cognition. As a young man I saw most everything in the simple form of right or wrong. As I have matured and added perspective I see things as mixtures of both right and wrong. Perspective is a learned premise. It is a viewpoint with many conclusive possibilities. The genius of having an objective perspective is that it allows for logic to work. Logic is not foolproof, but it is consistent in balancing and weighing possibilities as to their priority. My desire to never stop learning is based entirely on the fact that I live for only a short period of time, relatively, and this existence is both abundant with discoverable knowledge and unknown knowledge yet to be identified. I am continually humbled by my presence here in existence. The power(s) that made my presence a life, as a human being, with behavior and cognition control have my eternal gratitude. As I continue to grow as a student within existence I continue to add to my perspective about our society of humanity. History shows me that enlightenment occurs when curiosity is employed. My life shows me that enlightenment within myself occurs when I continue to question and wonder about the things I have yet to discover.

Keeping it real (#277)

I have gotten to the point in my life where there is so much manipulation and strategy for some many things I am involved with that I am at peace. I am at peace because I don't employ strategy or manipulation as a tool to achieve an outcome. My contentment surrounding the turmoil of advantage gained, is that I just keep it real. The outcome will be what it is then I can move one way or the other based on it. Of course I must always temper the truth of my speech with tact and diplomacy but never to the extent toward convolution of the content of my speech. The honorable man I am striving to become would expect no less than the truth. My ideals concerning finance and occupation must be kept at the level I respect and wish to demonstrate. I only have myself to live with and the compromising of myself and my values for temporary satisfaction or gain is not to be allowed. This is where the peace comes in that I have about what the world has to offer versus what I wish for my own personal growth. This is no match since in my past I have sought the illusion of success through any means. Today, success for me comes in the form of how well do I reflect the principles of honor and justice through the practice and action of compassion and curiosity. My inner growth toward being a better example of humanity, and humanity's best instincts and cognition's, is the only value I will consider worthy of my definition of success.

Meditation as a resource (#276)

When I used to think of meditating I had the idea that it was a waste of time and some ridiculous philosophy. How wrong I was. I am a firm believer that meditation has many applications in my life. I use meditation to center my thinking, calm my emotions and create new concepts for my imagination. Meditation also allows me to recharge my physical being as well. Meditation is a tool or more understandably a resource I can draw on in times of challenge or difficulty. It isn't mystical with me it is just a time I can spend emptying my mind or just allowing free-flow of whatever enters my head. I use meditation also in a spiritual way because that is my choice to do so. I am very pleased that meditation has found it's way into practice within my life and the results for me, have been everything optimistic and encouraging. I always find a little time to meditate before I begin my blog subjects as meditating helps me to clearly define what I am trying to convey. I blame the lack of conveying clearly on my inability to communicate if there are those who cannot understand what I am writing. It is not the fault of meditating, it is the fault of the Carl not being coherent enough. The thoughts come through meditation and for that I am well blessed.

Life counting it's days on me (#275)

I look deep within myself for answers or for direction to those things that are directly in contact with my present moment. I am in a meditative state of mind this morning obviously. (insert laugh) I do believe that the answers to most all of my questions are within me waiting to be revealed. I call upon a power that I am comfortable with to help guide my thinking and keep me in the best of thoughts about principles of honor. My strength as a human being comes from virtue. When I am able to collect my mind around the right and true my strength is powerful. By keeping to the principles of honor, ethics, justice, with a mixture of common sense, I have armed myself with purpose. That feeling of having a powerful purpose to defend or express is the best of who I am. Life for me is when I am in the moment with a dedication to the better and best that human nature has yet to offer. What an honor and privilege I have in seeing my destiny for living, despite whatever circumstance that may appear. I am heading toward the end of the life I have been gifted, in that my days of living so far will not outnumber the days I have left in existence. I am well satisfied however with the position I find myself in. No regrets greater than the promise of a better future do I have within me. The selfishness of my past was less honorable but the selflessness of my present and continuing on into my future has greater honor yet to be shown. I am confident in stating this because I have found my peace with life and death.