Telling my life story (#455)

No way in two to three hundred words but I can try. Life was tough for everyone I was raised around. We were a large family, splintered and remade into a new family. I found myself at an early age and that is what saved me. I immersed myself into my likes. I was given obstacles to overcome both of short duration in time and some in very long duration. I felt the insecurity of my limitations but not to the point of throwing my life away. Through pure stubbornness and self-will was I able to survive to the point of correcting my deficiencies and beginning a life that I could at least say was mine. I have been in command of myself for many years and over that time I have been a good human being but also one in denial. I have lately overcome my addictive behaviour in favor of helping others where I can. My life is a success story built upon the actions of failure. I see that now. I am older but I am wiser in that I have a new opportunity to make of myself that which I failed to do when I came of age. My fault completely. Lack of insight and that same stubborn attitude that served me well when I was a child hindered me as an adult. I have come to see that the best of me is when I am selfless and put what is happening around me first and my needs secondary. I love my life today and am fortunate to be in it.

What is it to be alive? (#454)

I have heard a particular sentiment throughout my life, namely that at the end of life the statement that "I wish I had done something with my life" has been made known. Often on the death bed. The most solemn moment in one's life is just before it is over. When all the thoughts of memories come flooding in. I don't need to wait until I am beyond some point where I know I can never "do anything". I have that urgency now within me. I, at 54 years, know that I am on the backside of life, here in existence, for me. Every day I am alive is in a conscious state of right now. Being here with myself in the present is important. I am not dreaming of some past event or creating some future scenario in my head as an escape from the present. I am here and present in the present. I can see the things going on around me in real time. I am current on the matters of the day. I am making myself a functioning human who can be responsible for things outside myself. This is all part of becoming a better human being, which is my greatest goal. Yes, being a better human being. I don't need superficial stimulants, I need the effects of doing right and good. They are my happiness, my esteem and my purpose. I am in a hurry to be alive and never again hide from life like I have done for most of this gift of life I have been given.

The importance of speech (#453)

What I refer to is expressing one's own opinions on the subjects of the day. Not someone else's opinion but your own. I recently ran across a biography a young woman wrote and how she said she doesn't really care what is happening around her, she will just adapt to whatever it is. This is a very dangerous position to take. Even if she takes every wrong position available that would be better than abdicating her choices over to someone else to control. It is difficult at times, especially with the young, to focus on current events when all the new and exciting happenings are going on with people just gaining adulthood and independence. But that cannot be an excuse for not having an opinion. I can never say this enough, life is too short and taking it for granted without the rights that have been earned through generations of blood and tears is callous and reprehensible. We must all take time from our social considerations and focus on the issues of our day. The importance is immeasurable, the insight gained is beyond evaluation. We must all take part in our experiment we call society and register our thoughts against those of others who would push society toward any specific direction or philosophy. Our free speech is the culmination of our ability to put our own words to thought and action. It is our duty.

Rise above ourselves (#452)

What I am talking about here is greater than myself. I heard yesterday the analysis by Dr. Stephen Hawking that we need to expand beyond our planet to give ourselves the chance of surviving if an alien being were to appear and wish to destroy us. It is funny that I have been saying this for years and now arguably the smartest man on the planet is now also saying it. My reason for this is the same as Dr. Hawking's, survival of our species. If we don't treat our survival with a sense of urgency all the opportunity to avoid this scenario will have passed by. If however the possibility never materializes we will still be better off because we would have united and grown toward an interest at the heart of our natures, survival. Talk about a win win. It seems that we as a species have been able to excel beyond our own individual limitations when we unite to a common purpose. The sum of our parts is increased when we strive with focused purpose as a team. I cannot think of a better way to live than to be one step ahead of a danger whether real or imagined. We are not our enemies and our lives should in reality reflect that. I don't live for comfort as a goal. I certainly don't live for comfort at the expense of another humans lack thereof. Dr. Hawking and I have understood that whether the danger of annihilation exists or not, is no more important than the human race having a purpose for the perpetuation of our humankind.

I am a realist (#451)

This should be a no-brainer. However, it is deceptive to think that I am always aware of trying to be real at every moment. Often I catch myself being pessimistic about something or even being optimistic with just wishful thinking. What I need to be is realistic and adapt whatever I need to do to best serve the circumstance in front of me. Everything I do requires me to be ready to act. If I am not ready to act is it because I was unprepared or unsure? This is the question at the back of my mind these days. I am a firm believer of keeping myself grounded in the present moment so that I can be as aware as possible for when things will change. Change is a given, nothing stays static. Staying an objective realist is my best hope for reacting in the better and best manner I would hope for myself. I am the one who is best situated to guide the day to day course of my life. I am the one who feels and thinks within the boundary of me. To best reflect the man I hope I am, it is imperative that I remain on top of what is happening around me. I really do enjoy being alive. There are times when I feel less so but struggling to maintain a healthy, respectable and honorable life is all of our fates if we are to achieve a fulfilling life. The responsibility is on me and being realistic about living my life is my resolve.

The writer in me (#450)

Today is blog post 450. I bring this up because it is somewhat of a milestone and it folds directly into what I will write about this morning. I love to read. I have begun to learn to write as well. I am not that good at it but I am able to convey my thoughts and feelings reasonably well. I, for a long time, have wished to write a novel or book on something interesting and enjoyable. I thought I would have begun an outline on some great mystery novel with all the whistles, buzzers and bells. I have not done that at all. What I have done instead is write my daily blog post. It appears that despite what I thought I would do with my ability to communicate through the written word my destiny has begun with this simple daily routine. I still hold out for the promise of my imagination to take me to some journalistic enterprise but what reality is is what I am doing at this moment. I absolutely enjoy this little diversion from normal activity and get to put down in print how and what I am thinking at any given moment. A record of what some part of me is about. I am no more unique than anyone else but I am me and that is something. I will let the little viewing audience I have tell me what they think if they want. For approximately 450 days I have been able to express in written word what I had not been able to do previous to this. It feels great and I am a truly fortunate man.

It is okay to admit I do not know (#449)

This one is nefarious. It is so difficult to admit that I do not know something when I am asked something important. Almost always my first reaction had been some kind of response that I had to later justify or deny. I rarely considered the option of saying that I did not know. It was what my ego wanted not what my truth wanted. My truth now is my guideline and through that I can now say I do not know with a clear conviction and accept whatever response follows my statement. It is as if the mask of not letting anyone see my inadequacies is replaced with the truth of my inadequacies. I have said this before and I will say it again right now; I don't care what you think of me. There is nothing I can do about what you think. The only thing I care about is what I think about you. That is where I have most all control. I get to apply you to the same principles I apply to myself. I am most benevolent as well and give most everyone wide leeway before I have to make any kind of decision to remove them from my large circle of acquaintances. You really have to be way outside the bounds of normalcy to trigger my decision to move away from your acquaintance. Knowing where my reality is and who I am is the key to being me now. I like myself today and really enjoy the myriad positive personalities I have around me. I am really okay with not knowing things today, although I try to learn the things brought to my attention that I do not know. I love to keep learning.

Practicing patience (#448)

The reactions I exhibit are necessarily a habit. I am so used to reacting instantly at things because I have always been under the false assumption that my mind is a brilliant computer. I subconsciously believe that I am a miracle unlike any other. Well, I have since learned that I am not. I cannot analyze and assimilate every thing correctly in any time frame I choose, usually instantaneously. As complicated as this world is with sheer volume in human beings and advancing technology, I am unable to keep up. But like any hard headed person, I chose not to believe facts right in front of me. So, for so many years I was at the mercy of my ego and not even consciously aware I was being an arrogant ass. I have since been shown the errors of my way and have begun the process of slowing down and learning how to be patient. Notice how I say learning, because it is a learned experience with me. I must undo decades of involuntary actions while presenting a new approach such as being still and quiet. The retraining I am going through is presently the largest project I am working on for me at the moment. I am enjoying it also since I am in constant awareness of how reactive I can be. I am enjoying this with humor and I find that it is not as difficult to do when I laugh at myself when I fall short. Let the lessons continue...

Principles over profit (#447)

I know what true satisfaction for me is. It is from doing things for others and the feeling I get when I see how much benefit they receive. I also do things for myself that are selfless in spirit and I get to feel how good that is. Whenever I remain true to proper principles I know that I am getting the best I can give myself. It is a tendency for me to think of ways that I can "get over" on some opportunity for my benefit. I seem to catch myself within seconds and discard the temptation before it has a chance to sway me from my right thinking. I will never be free of temptation, but I know what happens when I give into it. I put everything I have or want to accomplish in jeopardy. The false promise of temptation's allure is never worth the sanctity of how I want to live. Happiness is being in the moment and I do my best to stay in the moment. The past and the future are just memories and wishful thinking. I only exist in the present. That is my true reality. If I continue to practice being the principled man I want to be then and only then will I have a chance to become that man. My strength is my conviction and all my power and confidence come from there. I have to face my reality with the optimistic realism that being happy is my goal and whatever principled action necessary to take is what action I must do.

What you think of me (#446)

This one had me captured for most of my life. I really thought that what you thought of me was a priority in my life. I spent too much time trying to influence your thoughts of me instead of just being me. My mind still wants to have input into how others relate to and about me but not as much as before. I have come to realize that what you think is not within my power to manipulate. The reason it is not is because I am not living for the negative and lesser principles of human action and thought but I am instead living to exemplify the better and best of human qualities. My understanding today is that I must only be concerned with how I think of you. It is something I can control and is plenty enough to keep me busy. This way I get to control the criteria used to analyze how you come across to me. If I just keep to the better and best principles of human nature such as, honor, courage, honesty, compassion etc... then how you view me will at least have been based on my actions concerning my ability to uphold the high standards I put out there for me. What you do with that is up to you. I must focus solely on how I perceive what you are doing. I like the process I use since I am a forgiving and hopeful soul. There is always room for struggle to be better and the occasional triumph I get to witness when someone overcomes obstacles is rewarding. Life is right for me now that I am on the right track.

Defining my principles (#445)

I am glad that I am such an advocate for living with principles. It is also important to define what I mean by principles. Off the top of my head I can list some like; honesty, virtue, being noble, sacrifice, compassion, justice. There are many more to add to this small list but you can see what I mean when I talk about principles for living. I also know now when I am deviating from the better and best principles have to offer. I feel a guilt, a sense of wrongness that is evident to me regardless of how strongly I may try to ignore. It is in the sensing that I have to stop and reevaluate what I am doing and look at it from other angles other than what I am trying to accomplish. I am not in a hurry anymore to plow through life on some crazy mission to achieve my greatest hope, which by the way is for everything to be right. lol. I am funny that way at times, as if I can control everything and make everything right. I still wish to make everything right but that is my wish not my reality. I can only do what is possible in all the circumstances that come at me. I know this now. What I am trying to do today is have the best outcome happen where I can at every opportunity. That in itself is a lofty ambition but at least one I can give my best to. I love my life today. It is full of hope and optimism. Knowing what principles are and what they mean is how I am living today and hopefully applying them at every instance.

The freedom of my imagination (#444)

It is in my mind that all things can become possible. Now of course I know the difference between what I imagine and what is real, however I hope that some day the imaginings I do have will have a place in reality. I am not talking about fantastic cartoon adventures, I am talking about living in a world where humans are not prey to lesser negative traits. Where the worst look on a face is the one just before a smile. Where helping each other is the least of the things we do each day. Where in life, like the game of tug of war, everyone is on one side and no one is on the other. Where we all take turns experiencing and exploring all the wonders of this planet and prepare to enjoy our outer space together as well. Where education is constantly updated and required for every child for a lifetime. Where conquering disease is priority number one throughout humanity. Where no person will ever be without food, water, clothing or shelter. Where all work is to maintain and improve the better and best of living conditions. Where research and development for smart environmentally sound living is our gift to each other. This is the type of imaginings I am talking about. A world where we consider what impact we are having on each other before we do something that has an impact beyond our self. A kind and curious nature exposed to reality and given to action.

Change and control your reality (#443)

Among the few things we control in our lives is the ability to perceive our reality through our own eyes. I can choose to see what is going on around me in an objective way. Without some preconceived notion or ill-fed analysis. I can slow down my movements and take the time to look at what is happening with clarity. What I see is an under-current of struggle between us to compete for dwindling resources. This is just a snapshot in time and resources are bound to fluctuate. Nonetheless, it is my reality at the moment. In other areas of society, outside financial ones, I see most of us trying to live full and satisfying lives. Our natures dictate to us what full and satisfying is and that is represented in our compassion and curiosity. Others, to a lesser degree, choose not to be dictated by our natures and give into traits of less noble instant-satisfying-allures. With billions of people in the world, that some would ignore their true natural instincts, it seems not uncommon for this to be the way it is. However disheartening. All of us have the ability to let the better of ourselves be the actions that define us. None of us is any better than any of us. Some are more fortunate due to education, environment and what I really dislike, social distinction. We inculcate differences between us that are in direct contradiction to our overall natural welfare. My reality is one of negating out the wrong and negative circumstances of everyday life and just looking at all individuals through the same prism of our true natures.

Survival instinct (#442)

I have posed the criteria for what I believe are the components of human nature. Mainly two, compassion and curiosity. I have been over these two elements of our nature's numerous times. What I have yet to give much discussion to is the one trait within us that I cannot put into the compassion or curiosity categories with any ease. So I have left it out of both, despite it's inclusion in ways in both. I have found that it is more like the wild card within my theory of human nature. It is therefore a sub-category of both compassion and curiosity while also being a category of it's own. There is something unique about the instinct to survive. It has a desperation and a hope all wrapped up into itself. It may well be the most important trait we have since it does allow us a baseline from which all other things become possible. What is it within us that will go to any length to remain in this existence? It is manifest in survival and the will to live but why does this instinct exist? Mysteries are not new to us, we adapt to the unfulfilled status of not knowing with resignation but not defeat. Our survival instinct is sub-conscious and needs little prodding. It is as natural as breathing. It is as necessary to living as maintaining our bodies through food, water, and air. I have more questions than answers at this time but I will continue to delve into the amazing trait of survival as time will allow me in the future.

The peace in my soul (#441)

Where else would I feel the comfort of my happiness than in my soul. Comfort of happiness is the peace I am trying to express. For some way has been found by me that brings a completeness to my life. I know I have much yet to do in life but the way I feel about how my life is going is remarkable. Without being overly technical I seem to have found the baseline where I am best grounded from. A genesis of discovery from which all of my life is poised to grow from. Albeit my past has significance in how I continue to define my present and future, but it is no factor in enjoying the strength of my convictions. My past is a reference for particular circumstances that may be congruent with present and future situations but not as a guidepost, but rather as a reminder of what has already gone by. Now, as I continue toward becoming the man I want to be, I am fortified by the resulting growth I am experiencing in determining the best principles for living and applying those principles in a more consistent manner. I am removing the real and imaginary roadblocks that have thwarted and hindered my personal growth. I am finally ready to become the person I have known I could be since I was a young child. Truly, I have found peace and purpose abundantly.

It is my responsibility (#440)

I am just so excited by life and it's endless possibilities. I get to be who I am regardless of all outside interferences. I can change the rules to my behaviour if I am able to recognize it and accept that I am the one who is responsible for it. I cannot change what others do but I can change what I do. The secret to all of this is that none of us can do anything at all until we know who we are. I know what I do when I do it and no one else has that ability on a minute by minute span over my lifetime. I also know that I cannot do anything about what anyone else does unless they let me control them in some way. It is on me to take what steps I need to take to make sure that I am doing what I hope is best for me and everyone around me. I can be the best example of being responsible for myself by focusing solely on my behaviour. The fact that I am a full time project for myself should be evidence enough that I need to work on me and not anyone else unless a person is pleading for my help in some specific way. I am not some answer to every one's problem. I am only fortunate enough to be a decent answer to my own problems. I recognize that because I am working to be a selfless human that giving help when asked is a reflection of selflessness. I also know that giving in ways that don't bring attention to myself and truly are helpful to someone else can be positive. All I am trying to say is that the best advice I can give isn't to others but to myself.

Your fears are not mine (#439)

In general this statement of mine that your fears are not mine is true but in specific areas when your fears line up with my fears then of course your fears are the same as mine. However, your fears are still yours and not mine. I have been involved recently with some folks who want me to do things a certain way because their experience has shown them that the way they did things was the only thing that worked for them. I applaud that something worked and they are an advocate for it. I don't applaud them telling me that their way is the only way. As unique as we all are we still do carry many similarities. The expectation that we all must do things the same way is closed-minded and not open to the differences we have all experienced. I am the follower of my own drum and although in a lot of cases I do follow generally acceptable methods I am also unique in other ways that allow me to find a path that is similar yet not the same. When people tell me that I am doomed to be like they were before they figured it out I am thankful for their insight but not always accepting of their logic. We are all carrying our lives with us and what works for one is not the same answer for another. Seeing that we have numerous differences along with our sameness, I am hesitant to tell someone who has found a way to grow and mature into a better person that what they are doing is not right.

Marking time (#438)

Not literally of course, but figuratively. By marking time I mean to say that standing still and letting things happen before moving in some direction. Either mentally or physically. It is a strategy to stay in one spot to get some more perspective before moving to another spot. It is also a strategy to stay in one spot just to avoid having to move to another spot. There-in lies my focus today. Many reasons can be given for taking time-out of life. Many reasons are legitimate in different ways. However the time-outs taken with no other excuse except laziness or cowardliness are to be regarded with little sympathy and acceptance. We must all be constantly aware of the fragility of life and how time is taken from us at the whimsy of randomness. The magic of life should never be taken for granted. It should be explored and respected equally and with all the vigor we are able to assert. There is nothing in existence that equals the magnificence of being alive and to fritter away time as if it is an endless substance at our control is a form of irrational thought and behaviour. I place such a premium on how I think today. It is in line with enjoying and learning life with all of it's benefits and troubles without regard to what I think or feel. It is life and I need to constantly be a part of it despite the illusions I would create in my own mind about how life should be instead of how life really is.

Time, space and things (#437)

Here we are in existence. Everything, including us, is evident whether discovered yet or not. Not that we can prove everything is evident but in existence the assumption can be made. We are only a part of existence. Let me say that again, we are only a part of existence. We are not the creator of existence, we are only in the mix. We have the capacity to know of the concepts of time and space and we apply those concepts to our daily lives. Are the concepts we hold purely true? We will find out if our humanity survives long enough. Our truths are based on what we know up to this point. 600 years ago the truth was that the world was flat and in the center of the Universe. I am humbled by all of existence. It is amazing that I am a part of it. I know my place here is temporary and I find that I am disturbed by this fact. The reason being is that I find that I like existence. Existence in reality is comfortable to me in that I can appreciate the wonder of it's possibilities. I can experience emotion and understanding. There is a camaraderie in our species where we can enjoy our hopes and dreams. This Planet is abundant and rich in resource and beauty. I am humbled. It is appropriate behaviour because I am a guest here not the host. Proper manners of humility should always apply. It is my vision that my life here will be fulfilled in helping to determine the course of activity that best exemplifies the spirit of the human experiment. Yes, experiment. That is what we are here in an existence not of our own making.

I am feeling the music (#436)

Tones and vibrations seem to have my focus. Music in other words. It is amazing how the wind and it's chiming effect against objects can be so powerful. We create our own musical sounds and record them to enjoy over and over. There are times when music is a distraction to me and I have no time for it. There are other times when everything else is a distraction when I am trying to listen to music. My inner self has an inconsistency of metabolic speed. I can be hurried or relaxed based upon some factor I cannot readily identify, except to say that it must come from my instinct to survive. Regardless, that will be a topic for another day, That I do have inconsistent inner speeds offers me an insight about when I "feel" the music. Rarely when I am strung tightly do I have any inclination to relax. When I am relaxed I rarely have an inclination to hurry. Music is a measure, for me, in determining my anxiety or lack of it. It is my wish to spend more time being in tune with the music, however the reality of life beckons me with all of it's chaos and intent. I have a balance or hierarchy of principles that will gauge my priorities and dictate to me when I need to shut down the music and focus solely on a problem or solution as is required. The music is a selfish act on my part to disassociate with current time, opting for a time-out instead. I am human and listening to music is not a negative trait. I suppose I consider it a time to charge my batteries for the next round of circumstances beyond my control.

Time is short (#435)

Here today gone tomorrow. I am feeling this statement in my bones this morning. lol. When did I get so old? I know I am not that old yet but it feels like it. The gradual diminishing of vigor and flexibility is evident. The eyesight getting less clear, the hearing is still sound but not as keen as at my peak. The wear and tear on my skin reminds me to take particular time when in a hurry. I am not able to dance around obstacles with grace anymore. I must be deliberate and focused when agility is an option. My mind is sharp but it is still not as disciplined as I would have it. That taken in total is a stark reminder that I am diminishing in physical prowess. My internal functions seem to be operating sufficiently but not knowing any diagnosis of myself due to lack of screening is of little comfort. Almost like the Ostrich with his head in the sand to avoid danger. Certainly I have no obvious indicators telling me something needs attention, however the adage of " an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" isn't an option for me until I can actually have some complete type physical examination. My life is wonderful and I am growing older with a pleasure in knowing that I have survived my youth and all that my youth endangered me with. Time is short in the big picture of time and I know that everything I do from now on will have to measure up to what I hope to achieve in the time I have left. Good luck to me and to you all as well.

Our Universe (#434)

I say our Universe because it appears that no other life form has come forward and claimed it. I also am not saying that it is our's as a possession. It is where we happen to inhabit. It is expansive as far as we are able to discern and it is mysterious since we don't know it's origin. We, the human race are it's showcase life forms as far as intellect and ability to put that intellect to purpose through action then creation. If this is truly our lot in life then we should humbly partake of the responsibility with due care and respect. Our example of how we live in totality, is the evidence that we have to show. Our capability to handle the opportunity requires us to be worthy of reason and analysis. Our minds are amazing and what we do with our minds reflects our compassion and care we have for all individuals. It is one thing to be proud of some accomplishments but it is another to be in denial of our failures. The true test of our capabilities rests with our honesty and approach toward truth. If factors other than what is best for all individuals succeed in determining what our society of human life looks like we will not have presented the utmost of our capabilities to each other. Life in existence is limited, it is not a given for any particular length of time. Therefore, it is upon us to maximize our efforts and fortify ourselves with the resolve to only reach for solutions that have the welfare and growth of us all as it's target.

Our transcendence of religion and science (#433)

I am both compassionate and curious. I care and I wonder. I have found and believe that I am not unique in this but rather share this condition with everyone else. Religion and science combined make us just human experiments in existence. The elemental combination that we are is so complex that we transcend all simple concepts to form a living, breathing, thinking, feeling organism. We are all things combined and as such we are reality. Our reality narrows when we define ourselves as anything less than whole. I am not just compassionate, I am not just curious but I am both. Our natures are best when we look outside of our own needs to see if more important needs are in greater demand. When we give rather than take our souls find a peace and comfort. The same is true for the science that is developed and produced that offers us opportunities to experience existence to the fullest. Our curiosity in all things allows us to understand the physical and emotional forces that control and guide our lives. Curiosity gives us knowledge, compassion gives us fulfillment, together they both serve to strike a balance within us that makes living in existence a reality that expresses happiness. The human experiment is yet to be defined but everyday gives us an opportunity to explore our instincts and analyze our values.

Society not instinct (#432)

It is my humble opinion that we are not born bad, we are raised to be so. I take the view that environment and acculturation are the factors that most identify with why a human does bad things. It is always my contention that when there is a lack of compassion and curiosity in a humans life then the bad or not good can and will manifest itself through human interaction and thought. When the human is given love and opportunity to express and explore the world of nature and knowledge then and only then will the negative that we live with now in human behaviour begin to dwindle to an incremental amount. Life is a journey and a gift that has the value of being priceless. History is against us being in the nature we truly belong because we have so confounded ourselves with a structure built upon survival and the notion that we are not intelligent enough, all of us, to be able to appreciate each other with respect. Our society has gotten so big and cumbersome that the fear in trying to implement a structure based upon our two driving instincts, compassion and curiosity, has been demoted to unlikely. I shall endeavor to continue to trumpet the reasoning and analysis necessary for us all to embrace our compassion and curiosity as the greatest achievements of the human race. It is in the showing of these mighty instincts that our society can grow and nurture itself to the best possible showing of the human spirit and it's capability to rise to new heights within existence.

The strength of my resolve (#431)

There are many different levels to the resolve I experience when my principles are being tested. Many times I just need to voice my will and that is sufficient. But for those times when that is not enough, I must show determination to continue my resolve. The lengths that are needed and the depth of my commitment are in play. All that is at stake is my regard for what I think is right. That's all. In other words, everything I hold near and dear. It is often easy to not have principles worth defending and just float through life staying out of the way of anything that involves sacrifice. That is not how I live my life today however. I am committed to being the best human being I can be. Life is too wonderful to live when the living of it stands tall for the highest principles we, as humans, know. How much am I willing to give in the struggle to express the the right thought and or action? I have yet to find out what my outer threshold is. I am of the mindset however that whatever the limit, I am going to find out and until I know for sure I will continue to act when action is required. Actions do speak louder than words as the saying goes and in this understanding of how far I will go to instill my resolve the future will tell of my fate.

What is my reality? (#430)

I choose my reality every time I make a decision. Everything I do, every decision I make creates my reality. Other factors substantially surround my reality but my reality is chosen by me. The concept had always been elusive to me but today I understand just how important everything is that I do and say. The consequences of me reveal my character. It is so important to maintain the highest level of thought and action about everything. This is not hard. High level of principle or less still requires thought and or effort. Why not be the best contributor to society that I can be since it requires no more effort than not trying to be the best. Everything is reciprocal. To show that I am alive it is important for me to actually be alive. Not some lump of mass that has given up on the possibilities that change and wisdom can bring. Inertia is a continuum of flow once flow has started, well I have started and my inertia will be the string that defines my attempt to create Carl as existence has given me the opportunity to be. I get to do this not anyone else. Whatever comes at me is up for me to adjust to and reflect my insight into how I react. I am proud to be me today and plan on continuing to be proud.

A power greater than me (#429)

I feel that there is a power greater than me. It is not just a hope. I have sensitivity toward something that comforts me. I will explain it this way. There is a calmness to me even when I am anxious. Now I might say that hoping to believe in something could be the result of the calmness, however believing in something is not the same as knowing something. I actually feel the calmness when I am in the midst of angst. It could be that I am growing inured to the effects of anxiety but as each new experience with anxiety is different I could hardly believe that I am being cured through time. I have a peace within me that is unlike any experience I have ever known. It is as if I am being comforted by the forces of nature surrounding me. My mindset is a little different about how I feel anxiety these days since I have given myself the opportunity to try to understand that which is not understandable. I mean to say that I don't need to know all the secrets of the Universe, I only need to know that I will continue to be curious about them. My anxiety still exists because I am still expectant of some influence I may have over what time is doing to my life. I just don't put the same importance on the outcome anymore and wait to see what the future has for me.

How hard is my head? (#428)

I am not being literal. I am referring to how difficult is is for me to understand things at times. It is as if I choose not to follow through on logic because I have more important things to do. Hogwash! I am just not trained as I should be to finish a concept before moving on from it. It is a laziness on my part. An undisciplined mind attached to my body. I presume that I lose focus because I don't expect myself to be wise. I am my own worst enemy in this example. I wish I could laugh at this but the seriousness of it won't allow me. Once again I have hit upon a trait I need to advance. That being the trait of completing a thought to the fullest and not stopping to do something else because that is how I operate. I am not always this cavalier with expressing my faults but it is the truth and the truth is where I want to be. This inability to being concise in thoughts is a problem that I need to address as a priority. My mind needs to be organized and progressive in it's abilities so that I may utilize it's potential when necessity dictates. Knowing that I am lazy about completing my thoughts is a warning to me that I will address. Not only for helping myself with life's difficulties but also in helping others when I have the opportunity. I shall not let laziness obstruct what I hope is a satisfying and enduring mind given to the better and best of humanity.

Rise above the noise (#427)

The air is cleaner up here. The view is great! I can actually hear the sounds of nature. The sun and the wind caress me with sensitivity. I can actually taste the temperature of the air. Of course I am speaking metaphorically. I can place myself into an aura of desensitivity to the chaos around me and just enjoy the input from my senses without regard to the teeming life surrounding me. I often find that by just slowing down and being deliberate in all my actions I find a place of rest. A moment here and a moment there is all I need to gain the fly-on-the-wall perspective. I am not looking to know what others are doing I just want to know what I should be doing. My motives are right and good "without causing any harm to myself or others"-(John Stuart Mill's philosophy). My life is so important to me. I want to live it with principle and purpose. There is no other reason for me to continue in life unless I can contribute in some way that I am able to define. It is ironic that I am a man with a purpose yet unknown to me the man. However, life is subtle in it's ironies and I am just waiting for the revelation of purpose so that I am ready to fulfill it when it becomes apparent to me. The more time I spend in the quiet of life the better chance I will of hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and feeling what existence will have for me.

Patience in considering (#426)

There is doing the right thing and doing the wrong thing, but also doing nothing. Sometimes taking a pause from doing anything until thinking clearly and completely is appropriate. Taking no action at all when some form of action is called for is not what I am talking about. When doing something is upon me I must act. I am hopeful that what I do is an accumulation of the wisdom I need to make the right move. I am most certain though that I will occasionally fall short. My intent however is always to do the right thing. Sometimes though my wisdom is not enough to make me move in any direction until I have spent more time considering options. I have a duty to my fellow life forms to give the best of myself in any action I take that involves more than just me. I also have a duty to be involved when I am involved, whether directly or indirectly. My actions will be weighed by the wisdom I express and the respect I have for the value and justice of the circumstance. I have no right to exclude myself based on indifference when action is called for whether I like either or any possibility. I need to be counted on to have an open mind about whatever is happening in existence while I am a part of existence. I am obligated by the right of my birth and the right to exist to be a voice or action that sustains whatever I have to bring as a solution.