If I am not struggling then I am not alive (#966)

So it goes for me. Nothing that even remotely resembles calm and peace is my friend. All around me there is one source of anxiety or fear or something else that has my mind and soul captivated in some respect. Just when I think something has a resolution some other chaotic situation arises that takes its place. Nothing is easy in my world and certainly my world is not too bad at all. I guess being tired is my most normal feeling. I dream of how life could be in a perfect world and even that does not free me from the struggle I always feel within me. As hopeful as I am I know that if that perfect world ever did exist it would not happen in my lifetime. Not only that but the struggle necessary to bring it around would be overwhelming. I am a human who tries to take advantage of my better instincts. My memories help to remind me of what to do and not to do. My reasoning in logic help guide those memories and my care for others helps to set the proper example for not only others but for me as well. Nothing comes easy for me. Everything I do must be weighed and measured against what is correct and honorable. Again, I am human and as such still trying to define, in thought and action, what I feel is my nature. I have stated many times and this blog is founded on my philosophy that we have three instincts, two, compassionate care and curious wonder, that should be our only acts of behavior and the third, survival, which is our force of will to survive. Given this paradigm I have announced for myself, there is nothing but struggle in my life to allow these instincts to have full reign when other people exert pressures that deny these instincts. I don't mind at all, however, I would hope that others would see the efficacy of allowing themselves to be ruled by their compassion and curiosity. it certainly would make my life so much more less the struggle it always is.