The habit of truth telling (#1065)

Just like telling lies, telling the truth will become a habit. Only as opposed to lies, you will always be better for it. My experience with lying was a real eye opener. At first I saw tangible benefits for myself and it made me feel artificially important, however, as time went by the lies began to grow to enormous proportions and I could not keep straight all the lies I had going. As they began to be exposed, the earlier benefits I reaped from lying began to fall away and my friends and family looked upon me in disgust and betrayal. From being popular to being a pariah. The stigma of being a liar also followed me for awhile. I got it, the it that was lying was no good for me regardless of it's seemingly prestigious advantage. Now this is the point where I began to realize that telling the truth was at least honest and didn't necessarily lose me respect. I quit my days of lying, embellishing and omitting truths and began a steady program of just telling the truth in kind and decent ways. I formed a habit of truth telling. I can say that I have not since had many days of being special in my actions or thoughts but when I have they were mine and they were truthful. Sometimes I think lying is more about not wanting to see and live in the world the way it really is. An escapism that has at least some illusion of more than there is. However, as I learned many years ago, living in lies is an illusion and one that is assuredly doomed to failure. Although my life is simple and plain, it is real and has at it's core an honesty that makes me feel good, despite all the chaos and injustice surrounding my everyday experiences. Most important, besides how I feel, is how I act and react to the world and that is the real deal.

The herd being herded (#1064)

I have lived long enough to be able to understand how a perceived acceptable behavior gets hung on us as a way of to conform. We are steered into a method of thinking and reacting, herded if you will. Now some of societies morays are important and necessary for us to maintain civil order, however I am talking about thoughts that are allowed as acceptable and thoughts that are not. Fear has always been a big motivator of how we behave and for much of that, like just stated, that is good. What I am referring to is the contraction of possibilities for our imaginations. The one obvious area is religion. Granted we all should find some connection to our souls and have a foundation of values and principles we apply to our lives on a constant basis. But not some ordered program of genuflections that are supposedly ordained from our fears. It seems that we as a species, regardless of culture, prefer to be in conformity with even the near unbelievable in order to maintain some semblance of security. What we trade away in life for a set of hoped for outcomes beyond life is astonishing. There is no reason for our lives being born into this existence except suppositions that pass as reasons. Instead of facing the reality that life has given us no clues as to our existence, we instead search for the most handy opinion to help us escape our reality. I know this much about the human species; we care enough about our offspring to nurture, provide for and improve their stock as best we can. We also are a curious learned lot despite our medieval fears of what makes up the unknown. From these two instincts we have within us, we should be able to overcome the childhood fear of our boogeymen and treat the unknown with the respect it deserves without the security blanket of some ideological/theological salve used to assuage the fear that can and should be defeated through the normal boldness of courage.

What do we leave behind? (#1063)

The one sure thing we all have in common is that we all will leave life eventually. I know from history that some have passed through life and left huge monuments as a testament to their lives. Others have simply left a marker as the only physical sign that they once existed. Today's world is different and leaving behind some indicator or our existence is not as important to most. However to some it still is and that they still think in terms of the fear of being forgotten is sad. The mere fact of our existing at all is a place in time that is all our own. For there to be some unique remembrance should be serendipitous to our living and the only testament should be to our destiny as such it is known. This always leads back to respect. When those of us in this world are acknowledged for our lives it should be because we have shared our lives in inescapably profound ways. Not because we accumulated obscene wealth and built monuments to ourselves. That kind of thinking is premised upon living an artificial life, not a real one. I know this much about what life isn't, it isn't a game to be played. What is most important for me to leave behind is that I loved and was loved. Most everything else flows from that one simple foundation. What is left that doesn't, is my curiosity about all that exists within me and outside of me. Life is real simple in it's actual reality. Care and wonder. That is what I leave behind, no great imaginings nor profound accomplishments, just the simple understanding that I get it and live it. Even my little written musings about life is just a bunch of words always centered around being better and more human so that my life can be lived without the chaos and confusion of fearful ego. What I leave behind is a peace about how I live, not that I existed and need to be remembered for doing so.

Finding my center (#1062)

I know I have written on this before in an earlier post but it has been so long ago that I feel the need to write about it from today's perspective. Life in this existence has no real schedule or purpose for us that is obvious. We must look at all the things around us and try to make sense of life. Still then, we are not given a blueprint for our behavior or in what way we should base our intuitions and ideas upon. We have the concepts of good and bad, right and wrong and so forth but in all the little ways we live there are, seemingly, no clear paths. Yet I have found something to rest all my considerations upon, honorable principles. Is this my purpose in life? For me the answer is yes, but even more it is a method, a process for which I can continue in life with dignity and my own self-respect. For me it works since I know in my soul, spirit or whatever, that being in a state of doing or thinking right and good things makes me strong and happy. Now that is what I want from my life, to be strong in my actions and thoughts as well as happy to be doing such. That is my purpose, to be ready to do what needs to be done in the most successful way. That is my center. I have to have a set of principles to live by, not rules or regulations but an ethereal concept of being the greatest me possible. Virtues that I can infuse into my day to day life. Will I ever know why I feel the need to be as good a man as I can be? Maybe not, but that I do feel that tells me that my trust in my own instincts is well placed. Never have I felt so human than when I am being in a state of principled honor. I would suggest that we all live as the most honorable we can be and see if that doesn't fix all the ails we find ourselves in need of fixing. Having a purpose is key to survival, without a purpose we are adrift in life with no honest sense of worth or accomplishment.

I am still excited to wake up every day (#1061)

I know that some days are worse than others but still, all in all, life is good to be in regardless of my circumstances. Over time I have watched others leave this world and considered how I would feel to be permanently gone. I would trade most anything to continue seeing the sunrise and the moon and all the natural beauty in between. That does not even account for all the people in my life I have met and have yet to meet. Yes, I am still excited to be alive and a part of this existence. I am one of those people who can survive in any condition as long as my health holds out. My will to live is indomitable and a close ally. Not surprisingly, everything else is just a bonus. Whatever comes my way or I travel toward, is a new experience just waiting for me. I am just another entity in this existence, however, just like all of us human beings, I have the ability to reason and react to the environment. This makes my life unique, like all of ours, when compared to all other forms of life here. That in itself is powerful and motivates me in a humble way out of gratitude. I can never say this enough, I have been given the gift of life and survived it for this long so far. Not an easy task when compared to other humans both present and past. The remarkable consideration is that I still have that young wide-eyed wonder in my thoughts about what I can or yet could still do. As each day dawns for me I am reminded that possibilities are not what I think in my head but what I live in my life. When I leave possibilities constrained only to my thinking I deny myself the actuating of them. But when I live my possibilities the chance or degree that they may come to fruition is enhanced. My living is still going on and as of yet has not been shelved for some lesser concept that makes me feel less human and preparing to quit on life before it is over for me.

Harvesting from my experiences (#1060)

I am reaping from what I have sowed. Not in the sense of physically harvesting like with an annual crop but from the bank of knowledge I have accumulated over time. I have had a varied life based upon measuring my possibilities and flights into my imagination. I have allowed a sense of wonder to establish my baseline thinking and from that my imagination and motivations have been the better for it. I do not think of myself as a tool to be used in areas of limited applications, on the contrary, I think of myself as an endless possibility just waiting to happen. I am beyond the form of structure, I am possibility. Certainly I am a human whose form is recognizable as such but my point is that I am not limited to within that form. I think beyond myself with imaginings. From the experiences I have had in the past and even in the most recent present, I mix and mold thoughts both old and newly original to myself in an ever changing osmosis. Who I am is inside me and that is where I conceive my physical actions and my analysis of my thoughts. The outside physical trappings of vain-glory and vaunted appeal are not much of a priority in my life. Being clean and somewhat presentable is mostly enough. It is inside me where all the effort at being good and great are of the highest priority. When I have value within me and it is reflected back out to the world to see then I am at my most peaceful. My soul yearns for a peace with a happiness that in it's purity, dissolves time into a nothingness. At least in the importance of realization. I see a paradigm that includes life in existence that can be the best potential for all humans to find harmony. Raising above the petty differences we find with each other to a plane where our differences are our strength and are honored as such.

Respect is lived (#1059)

How do I respect others? by living it. Every moment is another opportunity to share my life with someone. When I do share my life I get to choose how that sharing happens. Sometimes it is just being quiet and listening other times it is taking action that not only shows my respect for the person(s) but also my understanding of in what form the the respect is given. Many if not most people look to being in charge of something as an advantage to themselves. I am not of that thinking, I rather look to see how I can make a good of what I have been given charge over. As unusual as it may seem I also do not look to gain financially from such privileges. I am one of those who like to share the wealth of an endeavor done well. Even to being one of the lowest paid in the labor of an accomplishment. You see, the highest person of authority does not have to be the highest paid, he can, in many cases of my own experience, pay himself the lowest. Remember, we are talking about respect, not advantage for other purposes. Now I know I am the exception in a society that prides itself on wealth accumulation, however, I choose to pride myself on how well I apply respect and the form of justice that respect best fits the situation. Leaders, are ones who put others before themselves in every way that is possible. I make decisions based upon what I see the realities are, not on some set of conditions generally applied that always seem to cost those who are lead. You may question what the pay-off is for me when I want to be selfless, well I will tell you that those who are respected are closer to having a peace in their soul. That is my pay-off, a peaceful soul and the knowledge that I was not in the mix to only enrich myself and gain some false sense of respect out of it. For me respect is earned and kept by being real and living with my own way of making decisions about how respect is lived.

Accepting reality is important (#1058)

This post should remind me of what is real. I have a hard time accepting reality when it isn't the reality I think or want it to be. Nothing more than writing this blog post everyday is more telling to me that life is all about change. I want to be comfortable where I am and that is not how life is. Life should be uncomfortable most of the time. Life is in a constant change mode and therefore nothing is as it seems from moment to moment. I don't get to regulate the time/space continuum. As much as I want to wake up every morning knowing everything is alright and have no worries it just isn't natural. For one thing it insulates me from reality outside my small life circle. If I am not abreast of what is going on all around me I cannot ever be effective in helping make a better change for the future. If all I do is seek out the safety and comfort for myself while numbing my mind and soul to what others are dealing with, then I am living an illusion. I have heard the saying "some days I am the bird and some days I am the statue" and for me it is everyday I am both many times over. Nothing in my world is comfortable, chasing money in order to buy comfort and insulation from the world we live in is a cop-out. That is the prevailing modus operandi for so many of us that it is an expected form of behavior. All I am doing is calling it out for being an illusion and a thief of our reality. Selfishness and comfort are not our end-game. There is no end-game, there is only living life within our abilities to a part of it, not separate from it. For most I am just shouting into the wind because we have all been tainted with the discontent of uncomfortableness and our minds have been inculcated to put our comfort above accepting reality as it really is.

The art of wisdom (#1057)

I am at least moving on the road toward wisdom. It is a goal I want to achieve however wanting to be wise alone will never get me there. I must put myself in the position to be humble. Only then can I listen and learn the many different thoughts and actions needed for me to have options for enlightened living. Wisdom normally takes time to achieve, however some very young people have attained wisdom far beyond their years. They get life, unlike me, who had to fumble around in it in order to understand. Now that I am on that road that will help me to be wise in my own life and also maybe in others' lives, I can focus on learning and humility even more since I am not caught up in the previous chaos that had me confused. My life is simple and open now. I don't look for complications that are unattainable. My present life is being lived in the present, not the past or the future. How refreshing! I have given into the concept that fate or destiny are what they are after my life is over, not while I am alive. I am only concerned with how I live my life under the controls I have for my life. Everything else will happen as it does regardless of why or how it does. My previous concept on wisdom was that it needed to be some great mystery revealed when all it has to be is simple. The correct mixture of right, honorable and just seem to be the reoccurring ingredients whenever I stumble across the smartness of wisdom. My thoughts and actions are now steadfast into everything as much as I can of high principled living. Therefore, the less I say and the more I do should reflect that I am moving toward a wise life and hopefully will be an example to anyone watching that I have found a life that brings peace to my soul and a blueprint for others to share and re-invent for themselves.

We are just passing caretakers of each other (#1056)

We have no right to judge whether some have a soul of worthy content without proof of an unworthiness. We have a duty instead to continue providing opportunities for others to express their worthiness. Worthiness is not based upon a persons utilization within an artificial society, worthiness is a natural right and as such can not be determined by any other man. Of course we have rules that define our behaviors for the sake of security, but the underlining premise that a single person anywhere is unworthy is not our call. To demean, instead of teach, is arrogant and leaves a legacy of hatred. The older I get in life the more those younger than I look up to me for guidance and advice, what will I leave with them? Shall I teach them that some people on this planet deserve more than others? No. Shall I take from them their dignity to assuage some ego-based ideal I find soothes and highlights me? No. The idea of privilege has it's origins in denigrating one human over another. We are not Gods and the sooner we tear this fallacious, seductively self-destructive lie from our thinking the better human being we will become. The whole point and purpose of this exercise called life is for us to care for each other, not segregate ourselves out in the myriad and varied ways that we do. When we are caring for each other there are no barriers or boundaries that we need to separate ourselves from each other. Creating opportunities for ourselves and others should be our never ending function. It is all we have control over and still maintain our natural instincts, of which I call compassion and curiosity. We survive because we are here and don't want to leave. Therefore expressing our caring and wondering in the most advantageous ways here on Earth is the perfect peace of living we all should feel worthy to experience.

Life is too short, don't miss it! (#1055)

All the times I have said to myself that I will get around to doing something has not been helpful. I keep putting things off and have since realized that times have changed and I am not the same man I was when I was younger. I am not able to do those things I put off because I thought I could always do them later. I have also since learned that working toward artificial ideals have kept me from making the kinds of friendships and relationships I thought I would have throughout my life. I bargained those things away for the illusion of a better life for myself. I do admit that I was selfish and short-sighted in my opinion of what was best for me. I was able to tell myself that having more and being lauded was a greater virtue than sharing my life as just who I am. I know now that being me is what I should have striven for all this time. I am on the right track now and understand that I missed a lot of important moments and didn't make a lot of important decisions because I was focused on ego-based desires and not just being a human in the lives of other humans. Hindsight in my case has been helpful and telling others of my misdirected life has some closure for me as I move from being driven by the allure of life and not the actual living of it. I am well into the backside of my life and the time I do have left will not be devoted to my ego but instead to my heart. I do not know why I exist as a thinking sensing human but I am one and just being that is all I need anymore. I don't need to prove I belong as a human nor do I need to feel I have the accolades that come with some societal/economical success. I am just another human aware that life is too short and missing my own life is not worth anything this existence has to offer.

We must win the war on ignorance (#1054)

Knowledge is inevitable even to those who only wish for basic survival require knowledge to exist on a planet that is not stable. The simple question of whether there is a war on ignorance implies that knowledge hangs in the balance. For those who are short sighted and only wish for simple times, knowledge is the creature that needs to be tamed and caged into a space where it can have little effect. That is how ignorance will prevail by destroying the idea that knowledge is good. Many wish to have a pre-modern era return as a substitute for a progressive modernity. In the old ways of living, hardscrabble sweat and information voided lives, a reality of ethics and morality may be tightly administered in order to shape the illusory form of the human experience. A surreal attempt to impose a predetermined concept of virtue as the foundation for all our actions. Placating curiosity as a demon of the mind and care as only within regulated constraints. The failed paths of history's attempts to control thought and action by standards created by humans. This ignorance is an alarming undercurrent movement that is taking liberty to expose itself to the light of day. Will it prevail in a society that has advantaged itself already through the attraction of knowledge? Maybe, when we fail to recognize our need to confront and rebuke ignorance, we implicitly advance the very same ignorance. We must all call out ignorance and dispute it at every turn we find it. It is not just someone else's responsibility, it is all of our's responsibility. Make no mistake that we are living in an age of enlightenment that is subtly and overtly being attacked by forces who wish to see ignorance and conformance as our new societal paradigm.

The duty of our natures (#1053)

Being free and having liberty does not automatically equate to intelligence. Our American society on whole has battled and won the premise that we shall be free. But free to do what? We have rules and regulations we must all follow but what else should we be doing? If I am free and yet I can choose to be ignorant, should I be allowed that paradigm? I say no because although we are free and have liberty to be free, there are some duties we hold; to our society that provides that freedom, and to our nature which demands from us to be curious. I have heard so many times others say that they didn't care if they were wrong, they had a right to think whatever they wanted. I have been thinking about that and the thought comes to me that if we are to live in a society together, there has to be obligations and duties of basic thought. I am not trying to tell anyone what to think but that they must think and be accountable for their thoughts. No longer is this the era of doing anything I think because I am free, on the contrary, I am free because I don't do anything I think. My nature is my guide and caring and wondering are the foundation of who I am. if that is likewise the same for all other human species, then learning from my curious nature, intelligent things, becomes a duty I owe, not only to society but to my own self. My obligation to freedom is to apply logic and reasoning to everything so as to be a part of the best for society and not just illogical reasoning to separate myself from what is best for society. I have a duty and obligation to think in rational terms and not in ignorant ones. I cannot choose to disrupt the flow of something that I refuse to understand. I don't have that societal or human right to do that. If I choose to be ignorant then I am hurting, not helping the betterment of our society and it's future.

The heart and the mind working together (#1052)

My first thought on this was that our hearts and minds seem to work against each other more than with each other. The failure of the two working in conjunction is that the mind and heart are pitted against each other with the mind the usual victor. I do love logic and defend it as the best way to find conclusion, however, with that being said, I am also an emotional and caring individual and often times logic may be correct in a sterile, desensitized world, but I don't live there and real life actions have consequences that must be held in a higher light than just what logic would dictate. The perfect scenario is when mind and heart have a parallel purpose and therefore an equality in conclusion. The factor of heart is dismissed as less relevant than that of the mind and all the logic it conforms to express. Then again, this is not a sterile environment. My heart "sees" with a passion for the best of our natures to be lived. I am always at my best when I feel good in my soul. It is how I am. I don't pretend to know what others may feel about this but I am of the human species and therefore, I can conclude that other human species feel similarly. I am not special nor worthless, and as such just normal, like others of our beings. If it "feels" right to me then it should feel right to others also. Now that is an example of the mind working with the heart. Knowing what is right and doing the things that bring about the right is the balance I am referencing. If we take advantage of our strengths while also having the knowledge that using our strengths has a positive expression not only outward but inward then we are in that reality where our futures improve, our presents are happy and our pasts are moments of pride.

What we do should reflect what we are (#1051)

I have spent almost three years with this blog trying to promulgate that we as a species have only two instinctive traits, compassion, or care; and curiosity or wonder. Now I do qualify these two traits with a third separate but simple trait, that being survival. However, the thrust of who we are is a species that cares for it's own and others forms we are in contact with and we are constantly striving to learn and add to our knowledge base. This is who we are. We have senses we are born with that help us to "feel" an emotional reaction to our interactions and we have senses that help us in compiling data to feed the hunger of our knowledge. We are sensitive, data processing entities. With these characteristics we also have the ability to analyze, reason and conclude our own information. We are not just probes but an intelligent being capable of assimilating information as a means to progress forward. This is the simple basic structure of who we are and what we do. Now, our system of living should highlight and ease our natures. We should instill into our thoughts and actions only these instincts and the manifestations that they can be structured toward in our daily lives. This has always been at the core of my universal vision. We are the burgeoning force of free will in this otherwise generally static existence. Certainly time and space are important but less so than our species' ability to define both time and space into a concept for investigation. The elements within the equation will never supersede the organism that is questioning it's function. Nothing else in the Universe questions us, we on the other hand question everything in the Universe. Everything we do should reflect our natures and until this simple concept is understood by the majority of human species, we will continue to flounder in other areas that have illogic as their foundation.

Man of Hope is an idea (#1050)

Not just me. I am the one who writes this blog post but the concept of hope is for all of us. I find that hope is all I have some days and even then it is very thin. How our world continues to put priorities of superficial substance that cause less than humane results is not conducive to me and my hope. My hope is like a force within a pressurized container. Sometimes my hope brims with effervescence and other times is barely causes a wave. Such is the roller coaster of emotions I have with my hope. Yes, hope has an emotional component for me. I suppose it is what differentiates me somewhat from others in that I wear my hope on my sleeve right next to my emotions. Now over time I have become inured to showing expressions that are easily read, however do not mistake the simmering cauldron beneath the calm thin veneer I reflect out as not existing. It is there alright and for that I am grateful. My passionate emotion about the hopes I have for life and society are my greatest character traits. Always remember, I care and I wonder. Never do I deviate from those two inherently human traits. Frustrating as it may be to be surrounded by a society that does not necessarily value care and wonder as the greatest of our abilities, nonetheless, I am hopeful, in time, that care and wonder will get to be our foundation for society. I have also moved on past the idea that I can make you think like me. I know that is impossible and in that resignation I find a welcoming peace. However, that I am not surrounded by the company of those who do think like me in the sense that care and wonder should be our highest priority, I am a bit let down. lol. I laugh because if that is my greatest disappointment then I am living a truly fortunate life. Many others face pain and suffering unequaled by most of us and that is far more pernicious and tragic than any of my philosophical longings.

The boundaries of natural morality (#1049)

Intentions, decisions and actions. Morality is a learned behavior we deem proper. These are the terms I find when I look up a definition for morality. Morality is not an inherent trait that is part of our DNA. Although, it is my contention that caring for each other is an inherent human trait. But that we care for each other cannot fulfill the total of what is prescribed to be morality. Funny that us caring for each other is not enough. For some reason other factors must come into play in order for morality to be acceptable. I am not smart enough to understand reasons for making being naturally moral beyond our simple caring for each other and I will never pretend to, however, by making morality more than it naturally is, we have allowed a segregation to divide us. Fear is the instigator and ignorance fuels it. Not only in matters of morality are fear and unawareness used to maintain a status-quo but an illusion that there are some among us who know more about the existence of omnipotent forces helps to buttress the fallacious reasoning that morality is greater than anything as natural as caring for each other. To our great distraction, our species is in a perpetual cycle of half-truths and illusions. The fog of confusion is only temporary though and with a little common sense, we can lift ourselves above it. Always remember that as a human being we are equipped with as many as, or possibly more, 5 direct knowable senses. We are a intelligent knowledgeable gathering species. We also have our own individual filters for analysis and concluding. We don't need others to think and direct our thoughts. We have the ability to think and direct our own thoughts. Knowing that our morality is just as simple as caring for each other, will go a long ways toward tamping down any fear about whether we are being in the "proper behavior".

For love or money (#1048)

I'm a guy who finds it hard to distinguish between the two. For me it is simply not fair for me to love someone and try to build a life when I cannot give her the life I would want her to have. That's where the money part comes in. Now I know there is something not right about how I think but experience has taught me the golden rule of most relationships, no money no honey. lol. Love should really conquer all and I know some who have relationships like that. I am totally envious in a wishful way. However, for me, it is simply a hard concept to overcome given all my previous relationships. Oh well, I am trying to analyze how to change or break out from this conflict I have within myself. It is not easy to have love for someone and know that without a certain level of monetary income the likelihood of building a solid relationship is insurmountable. The same dilemma exists when I have had a decent income, could I ever trust that the relationship was built on love and not on the money? Such are my whirling thoughts this morning. One of the truly great gifts in life is finding someone who wants to share your life with you and you wanting to share your life with them. I know this because because of the relationships I have had in the past that I single-handedly screwed up myself. It seems that when we were young, our futures were ahead of us and hopes still sprang eternal. Now, the idea that what I am will change much more than it has already is remote, which leaves me with my current dilemma. I guess I will just have to keep trusting that as time has gone on for me it has gone on for someone else who may still want to share a life with someone whose monetary achievements are less and his love is more. Still eternally hopeful!

Sharing the secrets of life (#1047)

There is no great mystery about life or death that any of us knows. We are all just living in a place where we have grown up in. The earth and the Universe around it are pretty static for us. What we have here is where we live our lives. We are born, live and then die. Simple enough yet all that living in-between is what is confusing. For some reason or other, no one can definitively reverse our history to a reason or purpose for us being here. Science and theology/philosophy try different variations on theories, however no one of them is conclusive. We get to choose which belief system or non-belief system we deem is right for us. But even then questions still abound as to what and how we should live our lives. Again, no one knows for certain, outside of just believing what we faithfully hope for. Personally, I bypass the whole needing a belief system paradigm and just go straight to living in the moment with the most principled thoughts and actions I can muster. I often fail at this but not out of some ulterior motive. My intent is for the virtue of high honorable principles. It is just that in my own particular brand of humanness, I manage to screw things up unintentionally. lol. But persevere I do and that to me is the secret of life, do my best and when I don't do my best, try again until I do. A simple purpose with huge ramifications for me. I fulfill my need to be a good person, which is a great need within my psyche, and I get to show that not giving up is a way of life, not just an exception to the rule. The concept of time had always bothered me since I knew that death was at the end of my life, but now time is irrelevant for me since I am just doing what I can control and letting those things I can't control dictate their own course.

My inner strength is in my hope (#1046)

We all have dreams and desires, no question about that. Most of the time we are taught, through actions, that our dreams and desires are out of our reach. Of course little dreams and desires are more available but not the big ones. The big dreams and desires are rarely achieved and if they are it is truly amazing. At least in how I look at dreams and desires. For most of my life I have always had to settle for less than the best of what I would like to have achieved. I have settled into a dynamic that accepts modified dreams and compromised desires. I have a sense of being let down by life and that is why I mostly just try to rationalize that some things were never meant to be no matter how much I wanted them. Yet, despite my relativistic fatalism, I still deep down within me hold out hope for the best of my dreams and desires to come true. In my heart of hearts, where all my truth exists, I have a simmering fire that will not allow an extinguishing of what I want despite all evidence of it not occurring. Surely this is a classic case of denial and I admit that. However, there are no consequences to me holding out hope so why not? My reality may paint a mediocre picture but my dreams and desires that still reside within me do not. What goes on within me is who I am, not in the observable world but within the spirit and soul of my being. It is graphic to me in another dimension, my actual sleeping dreams. I can do most anything and my hopes within me take on a life that is alternative to my conscious life. If my dreams and desires can exist inside my sleeping dreams then there does still exist a possibility for them to exist in my conscious life. At least that is my theory of course. lol.

No time for fair weather friends (#1045)

I have more respect for those people who find a way to stand on good principles regardless if I find those principles less good than mine, over those who say they have good principles but do not show those good principles in times that try them. Principled people are keepers when it comes to having friends. Now if a person is principled in dishonest or illogical theories then I will make my case to them and if they still cannot understand that their idea of logic is false then I let them go and move on with others who do generally see what I see. I am not the arbiter of objectivity and I cannot spend all my time with those who will not accept generally accepted concepts as a rule. I bring this up because there are more than enough people who like to debate with me, yet offer no alternative, about my vision for a society designed around my idea of the nature of humanity. I care about life and I wonder about all the things in the Universe. Very simple foundation for me and from that, all of my principles for living evolve. Life is not a competition, on the contrary, it is a sensory experience that we all can and should take part in. We don't need a system for living that has a lesser motive for our participation. I will not judge the intent and worthiness of anyone else's soul based upon artificial factors, especially when those artificial factors are gamed in favor of some subsets of humans over others. Life is real, raw and emotional and to strategically envelope our lives in a statistical form with a cost benefit/attached is the same as using a template of square holes and trying to fit everyone into them. We are not the best of who we are when we accept the many and discard the few nor vice/versa. We are however the best when we look at the most fragile as our greatest duty to society. Life is not a macro-micro/economic formula, it is a combination of humans who want for others the same as they want for themselves.

Out of the ashes of the failed comes the successful (#1044)

I give credit where credit is due and in the overall progress of humanity towards a better society I do feel a sense of optimism about where we are going as a species. We still have the same old problems of deception and manipulation but they are harder to conceal and our society is getting more intelligent with each passing generation. The ebb and flow of the past millennium has brought us to a place where ego-based tried practices of the past have shown themselves to be incompatible with human life to the point of being null and void. In other words some things we have tried are worthless. Moving past the worthless to new ideas and aligning them so that humanity can mesh in a mostly seamless way is our future. Reevalution of life and how to structure society is within our abilities and more important our destiny to reshape. There will always be root problems from our previous attempts to civilize our society but what we can do now will hopefully make the transition to a new paradigm in how all facets of our society function as painless as possible. Change will occur and those who would obstruct change are not only doing a disservice to themselves but to their offspring and every other living soul. This rock we live on and the space that bounds it are not permanent nor static. Change is our destiny and anyone who thinks we are beyond change and that everything is as it should be is only being in denial. Our species is a pleasure to be a part of and fulfilling that pleasure and continuing to increase opportunities for those who are less than fulfilled is our duty. As our lives are cycled in and out through death and birth so are the principles we continue to instill in our wake. We do make a difference and how big or small that difference is will be determined by what we accomplish from what doesn't work to what does work.

The anxiety of uncertainty (#1043)

The unknown and what it could mean has always had me on edge since I can only suppose what might be next. Not knowing is something we all should be familiar with as an idea and emotion. I actually have so much experience at not knowing that I can reasonably predict how I react before I find out the unknown. I have a protocol of behavior that I have become accustomed to displaying as a default. I try like hell to stay calm and open my eyes real wide, either physically or metaphorically, whichever the situation dictates. It is similar to when I end up squaring off in a fight that happens all of a sudden. My eyes open wide and my focus and attention to every detail around me becomes so intense that it seems like time actually does slow down. This behavior of mine has served me well in both the actual physical fights and in the intense moments of the metaphorical ones just before an unknown becomes a known. Much like a tightrope walker, the focus on every little nuance is critically important, as is the control of anxiety when it manifests itself in my life when things are critical to what happens next. Instead of just anticipating and being caught up in the anticipation, I channel that anxious energy into a hardening of my stature. I spread that nervous energy throughout my physical self as a means for preparing myself for the outcome. Uncertainty is something none of us can ever escape, regardless of financial, personal, health, political etc... preparations. We are all going to have to deal with anxiety and how we deal with it is what helps us find ways to overcome it's effect or to become a victim to it.

Appropriately, forgetfulness! Make-up for day (#1042)

This is what happens when I put off doing something for too long, I forget. lol. On day #3 and on day #622 I also forgot to post a subject and now day #1042 gets added to an increasing list. Why did I forget? I tried to think of a subject early in the morning and nothing came to me, so I put it off for an hour or so and then didn't remember until later in the morning. When I did, I immediately did something else and all thoughts of my blog slipped out of my mind until first thing this morning. lol. I know better than that since I know how forgetful I can be. Normally, my mind is focused on doing this one thing everyday that it just becomes instinctual for me to write my blog everyday. Apparently yesterday proves that my instinctual ability to remember is only as good as how hard I try to remember. Oh well, it does disappoint me when I have a break in the chain but what it does also is remind me that I am not a machine and I am prone to being out of any sequence on any given day. I take pride in looking on the bright side of things because not to would be an awful alternative. Plus, who knows in the grand scheme of life maybe the subject of forgetfulness was supposed to be my subject all along and what better way of writing about it than when I am actually experiencing it. :) Anyway, this will be a good reminder that I need to keep my focus and my guard up if I want to accomplish a consecutive day posting a subject on my blog, then I had better find a better system to making sure that happens. I will work on that and in the meantime the disappointment I feel in myself will serve to keep me on my toes for a short time. I love writing everyday but I guess even that love of doing something gets sidetracked when life comes at me unexpectedly and other things dominate my thoughts. I am no different than anyone else and once again I get these little reminders to prove it.

The will to fight (#1041)

We are all faced with times in our lives where we must stand firm and defend our principles. Whether we actually do defend our principles is another thing. Just knowing we must fight does not necessarily translate into the actual doing. Here is the thing. All of us have to pass into a stage that requires us to make a decision to fight. it is a lot like enculturation toward independence. Hopefully early in our lives we will get the opportunity to test the mettle of our convictions. We cannot have convictions that are worthy unless we have at some time had to defend them. Now if it takes physically defending something we know is right or physically fighting to prevent a harm from happening, either way we will have to stand for what is right with force. In other areas like mental and verbal defense, we must also be prepared with the logic of our arguments when debate occurs. We can either describe how our convictions align with the vision we have for our species or we can remain silent and fail to defend, and lose by not defending that which we hold as true. It really is true for everyone, being silent is an acquiescence of agreeing by default. This life does not afford us peace of mind by not standing and fighting for our convictions. There is not always someone else who will do the defending while we do nothing. We are all obligated by our standing as individuals to enter into the discussions and actions that require our participation. All of us need to be accountable to express how we think and feel about whatever the subject is at hand. That takes a fighting spirit. Not as a bully but as someone who has something to say. It is our duty to contribute to our society and all of us must be informed and ready to offer our principles on all the ideas of the day. Freedom and liberty require us to protect our natural right to life and to pursue that which makes us happy.

What is good? (#1040)

I have been trying to encapsulate what good is since I first thought about why it was what I wanted to be. Some of you may find this odd, but since I was 6 years old I made the choice to be good over everything else. Yes, I chose to be a good person at that time. I remember playing on the floor and thinking about good and how it made me feel. Granted that I was very young and quite limited in what I could define as good but feeling what I knew about good was real. I was no different than many others of my time, starting out in life in the mid 1950's. America had, within a generation, just come out of the Great Depression and World War II. It was a time when large families were commonplace. Our family had 8 children and many times our acquaintances had even more children than that. I was fortunate that I was the third child, third boy as well, in a tightly spaced age sequence because I got to see how life was going to be for me within a few years. I gained by watching my older brothers and developed a lot of my abilities from their actions. I can honestly say that my older brothers played the greatest role for me in how I was to become. They did not know this at the time but as we got older I was able to convey to one and I am still able to convey to the other, my deep appreciation. However all of this is to lead into my point about good. The struggles of my young life allowed me to see the varied differences of good and bad. The bad never had any type of feeling to it that satisfied anything within me. I knew, even back then that bad was not right and it only hurt those it happened to. Which left me with good. Good always made me feel like I was special and worthy. Especially the worthy part since our lives were hard, the feeling of not being worthy was a constant affliction. But deep within me I knew that by being good I could escape unworthiness and live in a world where my head was held upright and not with head bent over, hiding my eyes from the world so that no one could see into the window of my embarrassed soul.

Natural rights versus survival of the fittest (#1039)

If we are constantly worried about how we will survive day to day it is hard for us to learn to know who we are and how life could be. I sometimes think it is a strategy on the part of some who wield significant power to keep the majority of us unbalanced and struggling to survive so that we won't confront the absurdity within our society. If we are afraid of retribution then we are being coerced. I know it is just my opinion but regardless my sense of it feels real in my life. I do not like that if I don't conform to illogical ideas outside my own logical ideas I will have to pay for it by being punished in ways that are not devoid of ulterior motives. Being sanctioned in ways that stunt complaint and expressions of grievance. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are all interconnected now. There is nowhere anyone, without the financial means, can go to not have to place themselves and their futures into the hands of those who are not influenced by our agendas but by their own agendas. Life, before a more modern society was less safe and harder to survive in so there has been some progress. However, with that progress we have allowed ourselves to be corralled by fear of losing out within this closed system. It is like we have to sell a piece of our soul on a continuing basis just to maintain what little we have. Is it worth it? Hell no, but we do it just the same. Fear, my friends has captured our thinking, unfortunately, we now see our future by not what we can grow towards but by how we don't lose what we have. Is this just the price we have to pay for future generations to overcome and grow from? I don't see the point when we have the capacity and know how to do this ourselves. We can create a society based upon natural rights to survive and not upon survival of the fittest. This great battle of wills is being played out and until it is won by those of us who promote natural rights, fear will play a growing everyday occurrence in our lives.

A fulfilling life (#1038)

Damn all the complications. I know life can be seen as something that needs to be tamed or controlled but really, how is that working out? Would you even have a perspective to know how that is working out? I'm sorry but I am writing this post with a slant of humor because it is somewhat funny that we try to live our lives based on what we think is right and good for us instead of just living life. Being so busy having a life and forgetting to actually live it. What do I mean? Simply that my expectations of what my life should be or could be should have no merit in how I actually live. I get to choose how I see the world. Do I present the face of someone who doesn't always get what they want or do I present the face of someone who is happy to have a life. I have often said that I could be walking down the street without even a shirt on my back and I would survive somehow and be okay. I still feel that way but as I get older it does seem more daunting. Regardless though, I am of a mind that my plans for my life are truly just a waste of time. I mean I can hope for things to happen but if they do fine and if they don't then fine also. What I do in my life is up to me and that includes my own outlook. What is a fulfilling life? Well, for me it is to have a smile on my face whenever it is possible. Happiness, something our forefathers here in America recognized as greatly important, important enough to be listed in a sentence, considered by many, to be one of the most influential sentences in the history of humankind. "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." The question becomes then what is it that pursuit of happiness thing entail. I guess it is one of those you'll know it when you see it things. For me, happiness is real simple, it is what makes me smile. I am a good man who is humbled by having a life in this existence. That which does not harm you or me makes me smile, which then makes me happy. Simple :)

Science, a process toward satisfying my soul (#1037)

Science is a process of discovery, it is not a destination. My inner make-up revolves around my care and for this discussion, my curiosity. I need to know things and just like everyone else I have ever met. Needing to know things is a unanimous endeavor we all share. What do we use as a template for learning things? We use logic, intuition, and common sense but we must also gather empirical evidence. Science comes into play as a process of investigation. There are many tools like telescopes, microscopes and measuring instruments. We combine things together and separate things apart to form new understandings. Science allows us to see things with a broader panoramic view. Some other things science does is to help us innovate ideas into products or policies. We use science in our everyday lives so much that often we are just unaware of the benefits unless they are pointed out. Science invented the laundry and dish soap I use. The sheets, pillows and blankets I sleep with are advanced scientific products. A lot of the food I eat and the clothes that I wear have the stamp of scientific achievement to them. The air that I breathe and the water I drink and wash in have been sustained purer due to science and it's applications. Science in many ways is like a trusted friend, finding ways to make my life better all the while allowing me to pursue my natural instinct to know things. Without science our world would be crude, unenlightened and much more dangerous. Remember, science is a process, not a destination. Where science will lead us as a species will be determined by our effective utility of the results science produces. It is my vision that science is the catalyst that will eventually move us toward the answer of the greatest mystery of all, the answer to the question, why are we here?

The pathology of greed (#1036)

Yes, I am equating greed to a disease. Somewhere somehow our sense of patience has failed to stall or deny the effects of greed on many of us. Greed has become an acceptable emotional disturbance when applied to economic systems. It is often confused with Capitalism. I am all for capitalizing on an idea that improves and progresses our society toward betterment. I am not for capitalizing on ideas for the sake of increasing one's greed. Motivation for a better way of life is understandable and promoted as healthy minded, however our society has not placed limitations on capitalism in order to keep it within the overall concept of it's benefit to society. It has been allowed to grow into a greater paradigm than actual living souls. That greed has a part in that cannot rationally be questioned. The concept that enough is just where one starts from is being treated as a principled given. Encouraging a system of accumulation as a greater ideal than living in the reality of what that does to all of us. Any promotion of a greed based economy has no long-term life expectancy. If too few have too much and those who are many have only a little there will be a reckoning toward relieving this tension. Life is a gift and as such should not be a burden. Our own natural instincts direct us to care for each other and be curious about our existence. No where in our natures is the need for being greedy, yet we have a system of economics that perpetuates and glorifies overabundance for some and tough luck for those who don't. Like economics is the tell-all of who and what we are. Simply, a system that is rigged toward those with privilege and less principled ideals, economics is just a pattern for the effects of greed to multiply, a breeding ground for the continuation of greed's perpetuation. Capitalism has better pages to write in our history but until it is freed from the grip of greed it will surely continue to suffer the perception of it's greed based ill effects.

Beyond the veneer of my mask (#1035)

I catch myself doing this sometimes when I see something at the picture show that wells up emotion within me and I refuse to let that emotion come out for display. Instead of letting the moment capture me with the sensation of laughter or a tear in my eye I choose to hold back and stop myself from indulging in an emotional experience. I have been taught that boys don't cry or show any weakness of an emotional nature unless that emotional nature is anger. All in the name of the appearance of showing how tough I can be. I am not alone in this as most of us males are inculcated this way. Is it right? Probably not but does it help serve a purpose in toughening us up for what hardships life bring us? Maybe. Either way I am aware of what I do and have slowly started to change that chosen behavior in favor of just letting myself be my true self. It isn't easy since I have all those years behind me of involuntary responses to recognize and subdue, however, I do recognize them and over some short time I am getting better at being able to by-step the learned behavior. I will laugh out loud when I see something funny or I will let a tender moment catalyze a tear in my eye. I am a human with human emotions and I don't need to portray myself as anything different in order to present a veneer or a superficiality that is not true. I am removing the mask that previously had been in place to protect me. I don't need that mask any longer. I have all my strengths around me, my physical skill and my intelligence serve to prove to any who would doubt me as a force to reckon with. I can be free to reflect back out to any what my emotion is in a respectful way and know within me that I am not the weaker for it, contrarily, I am stronger for it. I know my confidence and it is not an illusion, it is real and the living of who I am without the veneer of a mask proves it to me.