Beyond the veneer of my mask (#1035)

I catch myself doing this sometimes when I see something at the picture show that wells up emotion within me and I refuse to let that emotion come out for display. Instead of letting the moment capture me with the sensation of laughter or a tear in my eye I choose to hold back and stop myself from indulging in an emotional experience. I have been taught that boys don't cry or show any weakness of an emotional nature unless that emotional nature is anger. All in the name of the appearance of showing how tough I can be. I am not alone in this as most of us males are inculcated this way. Is it right? Probably not but does it help serve a purpose in toughening us up for what hardships life bring us? Maybe. Either way I am aware of what I do and have slowly started to change that chosen behavior in favor of just letting myself be my true self. It isn't easy since I have all those years behind me of involuntary responses to recognize and subdue, however, I do recognize them and over some short time I am getting better at being able to by-step the learned behavior. I will laugh out loud when I see something funny or I will let a tender moment catalyze a tear in my eye. I am a human with human emotions and I don't need to portray myself as anything different in order to present a veneer or a superficiality that is not true. I am removing the mask that previously had been in place to protect me. I don't need that mask any longer. I have all my strengths around me, my physical skill and my intelligence serve to prove to any who would doubt me as a force to reckon with. I can be free to reflect back out to any what my emotion is in a respectful way and know within me that I am not the weaker for it, contrarily, I am stronger for it. I know my confidence and it is not an illusion, it is real and the living of who I am without the veneer of a mask proves it to me.